Page 36 of Alarm Fatigue

“I will need something to tide me over.” As my eyes have grown wide, he laughs, not unkindly. “I just meant a kiss. A kiss will do.”

This time I take his face in my hands. I hold his gaze, looking for any sign of insincerity but I do not see anything but kindness and openness. After a moment, I lean in and I kiss him gently. Still holding his face I look him in the eyes.

“Thank you for talking this out with me.”

“Any time, my love, any time.”

When he puts it like that my knees grow weak and my heart feels full. Not for the first time today, I am starting to suspect that maybe he is right. Maybe there really is love here.

Chapter 24

Now that Mark has already left for Greece, I have everyone over for a girls’ night at my place. Amalie, Hannah, Lila, Kimberly, and Gabriella are sitting around my dining room table as I lay out dinner. I have spent most of today cooking tonight’s meal and looking forward to their company. Bringing out some fresh pita to the table, I take my seat next to Gabriella.

“Everyone dig in. We have gazpacho soup, salad with grilled salmon, spinach soufflé, fresh hummus and roasted root vegetables, to be followed by flan for anyone that still has room. And we have Kim to thank for the wine.”

“This looks amazing, Rachel.” Amalie is looking around the table appreciatively.

“Thanks for doing this, mom.” Lila says.

“You are welcome. I picked all of my favorite summer foods which happen to be some of your favorites as well.”

After the first few sips of soup and murmurs of appreciation around the table, I realize I want to go ahead and open the discussion before not talking about the elephant in the room becomes too awkward. One of the draw-backs of asking for my distance from everyone is that we are out of the habit of frank conversation and I wanted to break through that tonight as much as possible. I clear my throat.

“So, how is everyone doing tonight?”

“Eema!” Hannah is not amused. “We are here because we want to hear what is going on with you!”

“I know, Hannah love, but after the way all of this dating stuff has disrupted my life it is only fair that I take an opportunity to tease you a little.”

Amalie chimes in next. “Rachel, dear, you are so darling and like a sister to me but you are not funny. Except by accident. That’s when you are hilarious.”

With that, I take a sip of wine for fortification.

“Gee, thanks. Okay. Well first of all, thank you all so much for giving me some space to lick my wounds, so to speak. So I have told some of this to Lila already.” I wait for that to sink in. While it is unlikely the other two daughters will be hurt by this admission, it needs to be said. To their credit, Gavi and Hannah don’t complain that I confided something to Lila first. They will assume it was about sex or something adjacent. Since neither of them want to hear about that, albeit for different reasons, they both look gratefully at their sister for being that daughter.

“I assume you all know this, but just so we are all on the all on the same page, I had decided that I wanted to approach Mark about dating him, and when I went to speak with him I had a rather unpleasant surprise. I found a young woman, freshly out of the shower, who answered his front door. I assumed she was his girlfriend and so I ran away before I spoke with him.”

I look around and see this is apparently not news to anyone, but note Gabriella does look suspicious. “How do you know she is not his girlfriend?”

“Because she is his cousin, from Italy.”

Gavi looks somewhat mollified at that.

“Right. Since the last time we all talked about this, some new information has come up between Mark and me which has me spinning again. So, the latest is that he and I have had a chance to speak frankly and at length about…well about us, or at least how he feels about me. Without getting into unnecessary details, he has told me a number of things that have really surprised me. And let me further preface this with what I told him in response, which is that I am going to think about everything he has said to me while he is away in Greece for the next month and a half. He conveniently went there on a medical mission for six weeks.”

I take a breath, nervous because I am not entirely sure how they will react to the news I am about to relay to them. I take another sip of wine.

“Basically Mark has told me that he has been attracted to me since he first met me and he was using his behavior as a cover to keep me at a distance. Additionally, he seems to think that he has been in love with me for some time now.” I take another sip of wine before I convey the next part.

“And there is more—he has informed me that your father knew about how Mark felt about me. Meaning they actually discussed it, quite some time before Eli died.”

Gavi’s eyes grow wide and her mouth drops open for a moment. Amalie looks shocked, which is rare. Hannah just looks excited—because romance. Kim and Lila look unsurprised, which is weird. I turn to Gavi as I explain.

“Apparently, your father brought it up with him. Eli asked him not to be so hard on me at work and assured Mark that I was so insecure that I would never guess that he was being mean because he was covering up a secret love for me. Your father told Mark that I would never figure it out on my own even if Mark was kind to me.” I pause and smile sadly at the truth of this. “Mark says he did not even realize he was in love with me until Eli said something; he knew he was attracted, but not that he had developed actual feelings. Then he said he wanted to keep me at a distance out of a sense of loyalty, even after your Eli died. He then made a pact with himself, that he would never approach me in that way unless I approached him first. So he persisted to be, well, to be difficult for me to get along with.”

Hannah looks like she might swoon with delight. No one says a word for a few moments. Gabriella pours herself a glass of wine and after a few minutes of everyone eating quietly, it is Lila that breaks the silence.

“I like that dad knew. It makes it kind of sacred, doesn’t it?”

---