Page 58 of All Because I Found You

“I still do. Blame myself. But I’m also realizing that there are things in life we can’t change. Things that happen that are completely out of our control no matter how much we think we had control over it, we don’t, never did. I was just a seventeen-year-old kid driving his family home from a party who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I’ll always wish I’d taken a different route that night. Left a little earlier or a little later. But I’m not the asshole who hit us. I’m not the asshole who fell asleep behind the wheel.”

“No, ye not, and you’ve punished yeself long enough. No one else blames ye. No one.”

For so long, Ryder thought they had. He hadn’t been able to look anyone in the eye since. Not until Raelyn. Not until she crashed into his life and gave him no choice. She showed him that his past was just that. A moment in time that didn’t change her opinion of him. It was just something that had happened to him.

He wasn’t ready to let the outside world in just yet, but he was open to the possibility that maybe one day he would.

He and Gene finished their beers and conversation and Gene headed out. He promised to swing by tomorrow with an update on the conversation with the realtor.

Ryder sat on the porch a little while longer. He closed his eyes, letting his hair fall back and the sun touch all parts of his face. Memories of the blueprints kept popping into his mind, so he went inside. He bypassed the living room and went to the closet in the hallway. He used it to store coats and other shit he had nowhere else to put. He pulled the cord, illuminating the small space, and lifted up on his toes, arms stretching high, and grabbed the box he shoved in here eleven years ago.

He took it down, a layer of dust coated the top, but other than that, the box looked as it did the last time he had seen it.

He removed the lid, and the contents stared back at him—hours of detailed planning that never came to fruition. Memories and sorrow assaulted him, and he closed his eyes for a moment in an attempt to force it all away. It was useless, though. Those emotions he’d been burying for so long were finally getting stronger, or he was getting weaker, he wasn’t sure. Either way, the pain forced itself to the surface, and he had no choice but to let it out. The box fell from his hands, and tears cascaded down his face. The emotion was like a punch to the gut, and he bent over, grasping his stomach as his legs buckled, and he fell to the floor in a pathetic heap.

Chapter 20

Raelyn met with her last client of the week and headed to Ryder’s. She’d been looking forward to seeing him all day after not seeing him last night. She’d spent the night in Nassau County at Cindy’s catching up on girl talk and visiting with Cindy’s mini me.

She sent a text to her dad to let him know she was still alive and well. She needed to stop by the house soon. Mom might have always asked her why she was there, but Raelyn knew Mom loved when she visited.

At Ryder’s, she didn’t knock. She hadn’t knocked since the day after the wedding. The door was always open for her. She turned the knob, and Ryder was already there, pulling the door open from the other side.

“Eager to see me?” She tossed her arms around his neck and kissed him. His hand pressed against her lower back, and she let her body arch into him.

“How was your day?” he asked.

“Great! I booked a fiftieth wedding anniversary. Personally, I think the barn would be an amazing place for the party, but lucky for you, they want something indoors with air conditioning.”

“Who said you could use my barn again, anyway?”

She narrowed her gaze and gave his chest a playful shove. “You’re so mean.”

His hand wrapped around her wrist and held her there, his lips crashing down on hers. Their mouths moved as one, and she tilted her head to deepen the kiss. Their tongues found each other in a desperate dance of give and take, and by the time Ryder pulled away, she was breathless.

“Grab us some drinks, and I’ll start the grill.”

“What’s for dinner?”

“New York strips with grilled asparagus.”

“Oh that sounds amazing.”

He stepped toward the front door and patted her on the butt.

“Dessert,” she said with a wink. His blue eyes darkened with lust, and she strutted away without another word.

The fridge was stocked with fresh vegetables which she’d learned Gene had brought from the farm stand at least once a week despite Ryder having his own farm just outside. Beer lined the top shelf, and she grabbed two bottles then closed the door. The bottle opener had to be around somewhere. Starting with the first drawer closest to the fridge, she found silverware and hardy steak knives with big, thick wooden handles. She wondered if they were his grandfather’s.

“Third drawer,” Ryder said from behind her. She turned around with the bottles in her hand and held one out to him.

“I’m surprised I don’t know this by now.”

“Do you make it a point to rummage through people’s drawers?”

“I look at it more as acquainting myself with the space.”

“Only you could make snooping sound innocent.” He kissed her forehead and leaned against the counter. She found the bottle opener and popped the tops before hip checking the drawer.

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