Page 28 of The Two Halves of My Heart

“They’re both in their separate corners, so to speak. He explained to me what happened, at least, which is more than I can say for my youngest. Go on up if you like. You’re likely to have more luck getting through to him.”

I climbed the stairs up to the small landing with doors to my left and right. All the times I’d come up to see both of them, I’ve never thought too hard about which room to visit first. But today felt like it could set the tone for the rest of our friendship. I stood, my feet rooted to the ground for minutes, waiting, and hoping to make a decision.

“Hey, can I come in?” I brushed the door with my knuckles and pushed it a few inches so I could peek into the room.

Maddison shrugged at me as he continued to play on his computer, bashing the buttons on his controller and never lifting his eyes away from the screen. I sat on the bed, leaned back against the wall, and waited for him to say something. There was a pressure inside the room, constricting me and making my heart stammer and beat loudly in my chest.

“Are you okay?” I started.

“Sure.” Was all I got in return.

“Hey, talk to me. What the hell happened today?” His silent treatment was making me feel even more uncomfortable, and today was too much—for all of us.

“You tell me, Grace. Who the hell was that guy?” He threw his controller on the floor and turned to face me, anger, together with accusation, was etched across his face and directed at me.

“I don’t know. He just tried to stop and talk to me.”

“Well, he wasn’t getting the message.”

“So, you decided that you’d give it to him with your fist?” I leaned forward on the bed, annoyed that he was blaming me for all of this.

“Well no one else was going to, were they? I won’t bother next time.” He sulked and turned away from me, shutting off his computer before he turned towards the door.

I couldn’t believe the aggression he was throwing off. There was no way I was taking that after what he’d done today. “I didn’t ask you to come and defend me. He just spoke to me, jeez. I didn’t realise I couldn’t speak to anyone you didn’t approve of, Mads. What the hell?” My frustration and disappointment were evident and did the job. He stopped at the door, and I could see the conflict racing over his body, his arm twitching as he held the handle. Mads didn’t back down though—it wasn’t in his nature. He was stubborn beyond belief and had to win, even when he was wrong.

“Whatever.” He slammed the door behind him, leaving me in his room alone.

I didn’t know what I’d done wrong or what I should have said to make this situation better, and I hid my face in my hands as I curled up on Maddison’s bed. It smelled of him, that dark and musky scent that made me think of rain and storms. Lying in his bed, breathing him in, I feared that somewhere along the line, my feelings for my friend had short-circuited, mixed up and grown into something much more intense. But I also knew that it wasn’t just for Maddison that my heart had grown confused.

“Knock knock. Is it safe to come in?” Oliver popped his head around the door, but I didn’t move from my spot.

“Did you hear?” I asked, assuming that was why he’d ventured in. The bed dipped, and I knew he was just a few feet away.

“I heard enough.” He placed his hand on my calf and rubbed my leg, coaxing me from my hiding position in Maddison’s pillow. “It wasn’t your fault he got into trouble. That’s all on him.”

“I know.” I sat up to look at Oliver. “I don’t understand why he got so mad at me, and now I feel like I’ve made things worse.” Tears stung my eyes, but I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of Oliver. It was a constant irritation around both of them.

“He’ll come around. He’s just…”

I looked up at him and searched his eyes for the rest of the sentence. It didn’t come and the tension built between us, smothering me once again. It was all too much, and the tears that were threatening started to swim before my eyes.

“Come here.” He opened his arms, and I crawled to him, desperate for him to take this feeling away. His arms wrapped around me, offering me solace and comfort, and I felt my heart thaw as if it had been locked in ice all these years, frozen in fear as to what to do for the best. Oliver felt like home, and I couldn’t help the little sigh that escaped from my mouth as he squeezed me tighter.

“Grace, Mum says dinner is…” Mads swung the door open and stopped, looking at us curled up on his bed.

“Nice. Thanks, man. Were you waiting until I left? You are such a loser.” He shook his head and looked at me as if I’d just betrayed him all over again. And the worse thing was, I felt like I had.

He turned and stomped down the stairs. “Mads, wait.” I pulled out of Oliver’s arms and immediately felt the cold chill of pain from hurting Mads’ feelings. Racing after him, I didn’t catch him but saw the back of the door close behind him.

“Hey, what’s going on? Dinner’s on the table.”

“Thank you, Vivien.” I looked at her, trying to hide the worry on my face that I’d done something foolish.

“Am I missing something?” she asked, as Oliver came down the stairs as well.

“Mads left,” Oliver said as he walked past us both into the kitchen.

We all took a seat at the table, but even the bubbly deliciousness of Vivien’s lasagne couldn’t stop me from thinking about Mads.

Oliver spent the entire time trying to catch my eye, but I did my best to ignore him, unable to look at him without feeling a tonne of guilt. Guilt because I had feelings for Oliver. And feelings for Maddison.

They were my everything, and it was naive to think I’d be able to keep this as simple friendship. I’d adored both of them since I was seven years old. They took away my pain, made me smile, and kept me strong. The only problem was you weren’t supposed to love two boys at the same time. And I’d never choose between them.

So, what could I do?

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