Page 36 of The Two Halves of My Heart

I think about his words for a moment.

Thanks for the advice. When are you home? I have a favour to ask.

Saturday. Are you working? And what can I do for you?

I gave up on the texting and just phoned Oliver instead. “Hey, will you teach me to drive? Just the basics?” I jumped in with the favour.

“I thought you were having lessons?”

“No, just something I haven’t got around to. So?”

“Well, yeah. Sure.”

“Great! Thank you. It will be good to see you.” The wistfulness was clear in my voice, and I didn’t have the strength to hide it.

“You sound sad. Anything wrong?”

“No. Just, I don’t know. Maddison and I haven’t been getting on. At least that’s my version of events. I’m sure his will be different.” I stopped before admitting how lost I felt without either of them in my life.

“You’ve got other friends. I’m sure Mads doesn’t have a problem. But if you want, come over when I’m back. We can try and sort everything out.”

“Yeah. We see each other plenty. It’s just we need to clear the air. Maybe I will.” There was a pause on the other end of the phone. “Oliver?”

“Still here. Look, I’ll see you on Saturday.”

Somehow, admitting the rift between Maddison and me to Oliver made me want to do something about it before the weekend. I didn’t want it to still be awkward between us.

Wednesday was the night I’d usually help Maddison with his study. I hadn’t been over to see him in weeks, and there was a huge part of me that was worried he’d just give up on his schoolwork without the encouragement and tutoring. He hated school, he’d made that clear, and I knew he wouldn’t be pushing to go on to University. It was in the peripheral of my mind when I’d thought about the future. For the first time in my life, I’d be on my own, without my mum or my friends. Most people my age saw that as a rite of passage or couldn’t wait to move away to exert their independence and enjoy being an adult.

It haunted me, filling me with an empty chill that made me doubt I’d ever feel whole again. Sure, I hadn’t decided what to do yet, but a large part of that was because I was terrified of making the decision.

Just as I raised my hand to knock at the door, Maddison came barrelling out. “Oh, hey.” He stopped dead in his tracks. A t-shirt strained across his chest and clung to his torso.

I stepped back and tried to avert my gaze, but heat crept over my cheeks. “Wow, what have you been doing the last few weeks?” I asked. He looked like all he’d done was put on muscle.

“I’ve been hitting the gym. It’s been good for me.”

The tension built like fog rolling in at the shore.

“So, I thought we could look at catching up on some study? I know I’ve not been around to help, and I’m sorry.”

“Worried I’m going to fail if you didn’t come and help? Jeez, thanks, Grace,” he spat the words, and I took a step back.

“No, I just… You know as well as I do that study isn’t your thing, and I wanted to help. This is me offering an olive branch.” Mads was acting weirdly. I’d come here to apologise and clear the air, and now I felt under attack.

“You don’t need to worry about my grades, Grace. What does it matter anyway, it’s not like I’m going to be doing anything with them? It’s just a waste of time.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Look, if you don’t mind, I’ve got to go.”

“I’m sorry if I said the wrong thing, and I’m sorry for giving you the silent treatment, okay?” The urge to fix things and stop the way he was speaking to me raced to the surface.

“Fine. Whatever.” He brushed past me in his rush to leave.

It seemed he’d taken our time apart to pass his driving test. He climbed into his parents’ car and without another glance in my direction, headed out.

Tears threatened as I stared at the space where the car had been parked. Maddison had never dismissed me like that before. He’d always looked out for me, made sure I was okay and made time for me. For us.

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