I ambled home, feeling more lost than ever, and I thought back to the words and confusion that started all of this. Maddison had girls queuing up to be with him. He was the popular one who could have easily chosen to be with his friends above Oliver and me at times. But he hadn’t.
Because we had something special.
Or at least I’d thought we had. The way he’d dismissed me so easily, maybe I’d been wrong? Or maybe he was hurting at my unintended rejection in the first place and how I’d chosen to distance myself? The ache in my chest gave a little pulse and reminded me that nothing was simple anymore and being friends with these brothers came with complications I was hiding from. But what other choice did I have?
The weekend came around and with it a seesaw of joy and trepidation. Oliver was home—I’d got my friend back for a snatch of time, and that made half of my heart sing with happiness. But, we were all having dinner together. I hadn’t reached out to Maddison again, and the nerves about how he might react to me festered in my stomach.
Our fights had been stupid, but I couldn’t undo them or make things right, no matter how much I wished to have my friend back. I pushed the concern from my mind, as it wasn’t fair to let it cloud my day with Oliver. I’d had my provisional driving license for months, so I should just get on with my lessons.
The knock at the door set my feet to action, and I ran down the steps as fast as I could, springing the door wide open. “Hi,” I breathed.
“Hey. You ready?”
“Sort of. Are we learning in your car? Don’t we have to get insurance and stuff?” We walked down the drive.
“See, here’s the thing. I can’t actually teach you to drive.”
“Oh.” My good mood popped like a balloon in my chest.
“I need to be twenty-one. So, unless you want to wait, we’ll have to do it another way.”
“Another way?” I looked at Oliver quizzically, my eyes drawn to the lazy smile tugging at his lips.
“Come on.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me into a jog back towards his house. “It’s not going to be a proper lesson, but it might help with the basics. I’m sure my Dad would be happy to take you out properly?” He opened the doors to his car and jumped in the driver’s side. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
He drove us down the lane, where we rode our bikes as children. The air was warm, and the sun was bright in the sky, flooding me with memories of the times we’d escaped and spent days playing out in the sun and around our tree.
Oliver took the dirt track and then stopped at the gate we’d climbed over more times than I could count.
“We’re going into a field? Are you sure?”
“Yeah. The farmer’s not using it, and it’s been dry for weeks, so no damage to the car or the land. It’s not like we’re spinning doughnuts. Just getting you started.”
It was perfect—and typical Oliver.
When we were in the field, past the tree, we swapped seats, and I got comfy behind the wheel. Oliver went over the clutch-brake-accelerator positions and all the other basics that I sort of already knew. Sitting behind a real car made me feel small and powerless.
I started the engine, and we both smiled at each other like the goofy teenagers we were. “Okay, then, over to you. Nice and steady.”
I eased my feet to find the bite point, and the car edged forward. Then I relaxed and pressed a bit harder, but the car lurched forward, jumping and stalling.
“Don’t worry. Try again,” Oliver encouraged, and I did as I was told. I repeated the actions again, and this time, I was more careful with my foot pressure, and before I knew it, I’d changed gear, and we were driving down the middle of the field.
“See, piece of cake.” Oliver exaggerated and put his hands behind his head, mocking me.
“It’s certainly a start. Thank you. Now brakes?” I tapped the pedal, and we both sprung forward in our seats. “Oops. A little hard.” We burst into laughter before I started up again, practising the stop and start in a more controlled manner.
We continued the lessons. Turning in a circle, reversing and a sort of three-point turn for the next couple of hours before we headed back to the gate and swapped seats. It was the most fun we’d had together in a while, and just reminded me why I needed Oliver in my life.
I’d nearly forgotten about who was waiting for me at the end of the trip back at the Ray’s.
As we came through into the kitchen, our spirits high and happy, Maddison was sitting at the breakfast table, eating a bowl of cereal, even though it was nearly two in the afternoon.
“Hey,” I offered, hopeful that things would be normal. “Late night?” I asked, taking in his messed-up hair and lazy appearance. He looked like he’d just rolled out of bed. All he did was shrug and dig his spoon into his cereal again.
I lingered in the kitchen as Oliver grabbed us a drink and I waited to see if Maddison would acknowledge us. He didn’t look up but stayed focused on his food. “Will you be here for dinner?” I asked, not ready to give up on him.
“Should be,” was his murmured response.
“Whatever. If you can’t be bothered to even look at me, I’ll go.” My mini outburst surprised me, but it had the desired effect. Maddison dropped his spoon and speared me with his glare. Hurt-filled eyes stared at me like all the pain and suffering inside of him was a result of me and my actions. I was taken aback—shocked at his expression. It made me want to run to him and wrap him in my arms, to tell him that he still occupied the same space in my heart, but I wasn’t sure that was enough.
“Come on.” Oliver put his hands on my shoulders, and that movement seemed to make Maddison’s face morph further into hatred. He shook his head and left, storming past us on his way out.
He’d drawn a line in the sand, at least that’s what it felt like from where I was standing, and I wasn’t sure how to rub that away. It was like whatever I did, I was stuck. I could either have one friend or the other and forcing us all together, ended in pain for more than one of us.
How was that fair? And why, after how he was treating me, did I still miss Maddison with every beat of my heart? Why did I crave a way to fix this so that I’d never have to see that look in his eyes again?