Page 103 of The Two Halves of My Heart

My first instinct was to crumble. To let the news pull me back down into the darkness of grief and guilt that had suffocated me for all these months, and I felt the sickening sensation bubble up inside of me again.

And then I looked at Mum and thought about everything she must have faced when she was with my father. The turmoil and worry I’d experienced were tragic, but she had lived through his ways for years. With me. What she was telling me was closure for her. And a piece of me grasped hold of the small justice that her news delivered. For both of us.

She pulled me into her embrace again, knowing I needed her strength once again.

“It’s a lot to take in. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you about it sooner, but you weren’t ready to hear this. But now? I hope this can help you heal.”

“Oliver knew?”

“Yes. He’s kept it from you. But once the news came out in the papers, he came to see me. He wanted to ensure I knew the full account. That we all knew what we needed to. But it was my decision to keep you in the dark. Until now.”

Every time I’d inched closer to Oliver, something else had pushed us further apart. My body tensed with anger, cross that he’d hidden this from me.

“Don’t do that. Go and speak to him.”

“Who? My father?”

“No. I don’t want you to ever see him again. Oliver.”

I shook my head and pulled back, even more confused over my feelings than ever.

“Just stop pushing him away. He lost his brother, too, and you need to be there for him as well. And, although it’s hard, do you honestly think that Maddison would want you to stay miserable forever? He knew Oliver loved you, and he didn’t think twice before reaching for his happy ending.”

Why can’t I fight her logic?“But what if this isn’t the right thing to do? What if we aren’t meant to be together?” I wrung my hands and rubbed the silver bracelet still wrapped around my wrist.

“You can never know what the right or wrong decision is. You can only follow your heart and do what you think is for the best. Don’t avoid the hard choices in life because of fear. You’ll never find happiness, then.” She engulfed me in a hug, and I went willingly, clinging to her and her wisdom. Everything she’d said had hit home in a way that was terrifying yet reassuring. Maybe the jigsaw of my messed-up life could be put back together again.

There was more than guilt here. I’d just not recognised it.

Mum gently rocked me in her arms, soothing me and my fragile heart.

“You’re frightened. That’s okay, but don’t hide behind it. Sometimes you have to be strong, for yourself.” She kissed my cheek and wiped the tears from her own cheeks.

“Thank you, Mum.”

“Nothing to thank me for. How about a cup of tea?”

I nodded and stared at the blank screen of the telly as she set about fixing the world’s best remedy. Bob padded down the stairs and jumped onto my lap with a small meow.

The revelations from our conversation were eye-opening—not just about Oliver, but also about my father. Somehow, they didn’t tip me over the edge. If anything, they pulled me back, and I already felt more in control. There was more to Maddison’s death, more people involved, and I wasn’t to blame. I stroked Bob’s fur, helping him to nest on my lap. Living in the past wasn’t going to help me. Neither was wishing for the circumstances to change. Blaming myself would drive me crazy because there was nothing I could have done to change how things turned out. Fate, decisions, choices, whatever the reason, it was over now.

I just had to figure a way to move on.

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