Page 35 of Of Bone and Ash

“Don’t call Adam that!” I snap, making Teos’ face turn an odd shade of red as he steps forward and gets into my space.

“Adam? Adam! What the fuck, Bella!? Why can Adam touch you and talk to you, but you tense the fuck up when I’m near? You wouldn’t even look at me in that damn shop, and even now you’re trying to get away from me!” Teos snarls, fire dancing in his eyes as he steps even closer to me, making me all too aware of his big body and warmth. I take a step back and then gasp when my foot meets air. Shit! I’m on the edge of the roof.

I begin to fall backward just as Teos’ arms band around my waist and yanks me hard into his chest. “You’d really rather fall off the damn roof than talk to me?” he asks in a rough voice, his brows drawn together, pain etched onto his handsome face.

“No! I just… you got too close and—” I didn't want to hurt him. I didn’t want to lose control.

“And what?!” he snaps when I stop, his hand reaching up and grabbing my chin, forcing me to look up at him.

“I didn’t want to hurt you! So let me the fuck go, Teos!” I growl, shoving at his chest just as he scoffs and shakes his head.

“Over my dead fucking body, Bella!”

“Yes! Your dead body! I’ve already seen it once; don’t make me see it again,” I scream, losing my cool as I smack his chest and shove him again as hard as I can. I can feel my magic crawl forward, dancing in sick delight, and the feeling makes bile crawl up my throat. He’s too close. I’m going to hurt him! I can’t hurt him! Teos’ arms only band tighter around me, making me desperate.

“Stop!” Teos demands, keeping one arm wrapped around me as the other grabs both my wrists, pinning them together. I shake my head at a loss of what to do. I’m so fucking tired.

“Please!” I rasp, my voice cracking as my hands still. I mentally walk through the steps to get out of his hold. It would be easy, but it would risk spraining his wrist or hurting his ankle, neither an option. I drop my head to his chest, trying to control my rapid breathing.

“Serafina,” he whispers, his voice soothing as his big thumb strokes over the small sliver of skin at my waist. His touch sparks a thrill that races between my legs, making me release the smallest groan in frustration. “I will let you go, but you will not run.” I bite my lip and give a soft nod. “Words, Bella. I need to hear you say you will stay. I have no problem keeping you right here, with or without your permission.” I scowl at that, lifting my head from his warm chest and meeting his amused eyes.

“You would keep me here against my will?” I ask in shock. Teos nods, the amusement fading as he stares down at me with an intensity I’m not used to seeing from him.

“I will do a lot more than that. But I would rather you not kill me until I can talk to you. Then you can,” he adds, and I inhale sharply.

“That's not funny!” I grind out through clenched teeth.

“I’m not laughing,” he points out. He wasn’t, which only concerns me more.

“Teos!”

“I don't think you understand, Bella,” Teos rasps, stepping forward, hands moving to capture my face between his warm palms just as he leans down and presses his forehead to mine. He stares into my eyes, making my breath stall. “I’m a Phoenix, babe. You can kill me all you want. I’ll just keep coming back until I wear you down. I literally have nothing to lose. I knew three years ago you were it for me. Nothing has changed.”

I shake my head at the surety in his voice. How the hell does he have that much confidence? We were teenagers back then, and I killed him when we had our first kiss!

And even if he thinks he can come back from the dead… I’m not so sure about it. I don't only have Reaper magic. I have more magic than I should, things I can do that I shouldn’t be able to—all of it forced upon me by my deranged father years ago.

The dark magic inside of me has shown time and time again that it's not normal and that it will destroy everything in its path. What happens if I kill Teos and he doesn't come back? I’ve already killed one friend years ago, and I know I wouldn't survive doing it again. I’m not willing to risk Teos’ life on the chance that he might be able to come back.

“You don't understand,” I whisper as Teos nods, drawing back just enough to look down at me with a serious expression. He keeps cradling my face in his hands as one thumb darts out, swiping across my bottom lip as he stares at me

“Alright. Explain it to me then. Because as of right now, I see no reason for the fear I clearly see in your eyes. Are you scared of killing me?” he asks, a look of determination taking over as he nods. “Do it. Kill me right now, Bella. I’ll show you it’s okay,” he breathes, and I tense as my magic lights up like a damn beacon. The thought of death sending a thrill down my spine and making me feel sick.

“I’m not killing you! That's the whole problem here, Teos! I don't want to hurt you!” I snap, yanking out of his grip, desperately trying to rebuild the walls he’s crumbling. I need to keep my distance. “My magic is unpredictable. It’s… it’s more than you think. I can’t risk it. You’ll forget I’m at this school. When you see me in the halls you’ll look the other direction,” I say coolly, holding a hand in front of me when he shakes his head, anger sparking in his hazel gaze. “This is best for us both.”

“You mean this is best for you! Because it’s sure as fuck not for me. You’re running scared and using your fear to keep yourself wrapped in a dark cloak of depression,” he accuses, his hands trembling with anger at his sides. “Just like you used to in high school. It’s time to grow the fuck up, Serafina.”

“You’re an asshole,” I snap, darting around him, eyes searching the building roof for a door to get down. I spot it on the far side of the building and make a dash for it.

“And you're a coward!” Teos thunders, hot on my heels. I can feel his heat behind me, warming me as I fight to run away.

“Leave me alone, Teos. I won't ask again,” I mutter as my hand wraps around the cold metal of the doorknob. I briefly worry about it being locked but sigh in relief when the doorknob twists easily allowing me to yank it open.

“Why? Just give me one good reason, and I’ll leave you alone.” I pivot on my heel, startling him enough that he jerks to a stop only an inch away from me.

“Because I don’t want you!” I hiss under my breath. “I want nothing to do with you, so stay the hell away from me.” I spin away from him as Teos steps back, my words acting like a physical blow. I ignore the tightness in my chest at the utter look of hurt and betrayal I see painted on his face as I let the door slam behind me.

One day, he’ll thank me for this. I’m far too damaged and messed up for a relationship. Hell, I’m too messed up to live my own life, let alone dragging another person into it. I can't even go through the day without slicing my fingers open in a desperate need for the rush and the small amount of control the pain gives me. I need the pain. It's a part of me. Sharing my life with a person would mean dragging them into my pain. No matter how nice it sounds to have someone there all the time and how much I long for it, I know it can never happen.

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