Page 46 of A Sky Full Of Stars

Lainey

Congratulations. You’ve been accepted for our next big adventure. Next year, Shelford Build and Teach is heading to Ubud, Indonesia.

Please confirm your place by…

I click confirm, and a feeling of pride takes over me. I haven’t felt this way since I received my first major ballet award when I was ten. But this is different, because this isn’t pride for myself. This is pride over what I can do to help that village and those children.

“So you’re really going?” my casual boyfriend, Heath, says from behind me, massaging my shoulders. “Do you even know what to expect?”

“Yes.” I laugh, but it’s one of those incredulous “are you kidding me” laughs. “We’ve been through this. You know I’ve done my research.” I wriggle out of his hold and stand up, closing my laptop so he stops reading.

“Fuck, I know.” Heath shakes his head, a miserable expression on his face. “But I’m going to miss you.”

“Heath…we’ve been through that too.”

Heath and I shouldn’t be together, but since we live together, it’s more of a convenience thing. I moved back home to Heartwood Falls close to six months ago, but couldn’t handle the thought of moving in with my parents. While we’ve mendedour relationship over the years—after they admitted to going about things the wrong way—I still wanted my own space, and Heath needed a roommate, much to my brother’s dismay.

My move to New York started off surprisingly well. Despite not wanting to go, I loved every second of my time at New York International Ballet School. But from the moment I got into Jaiton Academy, all that changed, and it sent my life in a new direction. It turns out, I didn’t need my grandmother’s last name to be seen as a legacy. Gran made sure that everyone knew who I was from the very first day, and rather than the positive response she thought I’d receive, my fears came true.

I wasn’t treated as a dancer in my own right, every move I made was compared to my gran, and it was impossible to break out of her shadow.

But as hard as that was, it wasn’t the worst thing. The worst of it came from my peers. I learned pretty quickly that there were two types of dancers at the school—those that hated me at first glance because of my gran, assuming I hadn’t earned my place, and those that befriended me in the hope of riding my coattails. Or tutu in that case.

For the first few months, I tried to stay positive and block it all out—to focus on dance—but toward the end of my freshman year, things took a turn, and I’d had enough. My peers took things too far during one of their attempts to rattle me, and I hit my limit. There was no going back.

For something that was supposed to be an amazing experience, being at Jaiton ruined ballet for me, and I haven’t wanted to dance since.

Heath fake pouts and I roll my eyes. “Don’t look at me like that,” I plead, feeling an argument coming.

“What if you’re my one?” He twists me to face him, his expression serious, making me laugh. “No, listen. I know yousaid we should take a break when you go, but I’m thinking we shouldn’t.”

“Trust me, I’m not your Miss Right. I’m your Miss RightNow.And what we have works. Don’t try to change it.”

Yes, we’re exclusive, but it’s just sex, nothing more, and we’ve never once questioned it. It’s really inconvenient that he’s changing his tune now.

“But we could be more.” He moves to wrap his arms around my waist, but I shove him away, feeling uncomfortable. “Come on,” he says as I step back. “You know it’s true.”

“In this case, it’s not. I’m not your soulmate. You just don’t want me gone.”

I’m seconds away from calling it quits when Heath groans and his shoulders drop. “I hate that you’re right. I don’t want to lose this good thing we’ve got going on.”

Good thing? It doesn’t feel very good right now…and I’m not sure we can get back there.

With just over a semester to go before I leave for my volunteering at the beginning of summer, I head into work on my way home from class, ready to beg for some extra hours. I only need a minimal weekly payment for my volunteer stint, but I’d love to travel when I’m done. I have nothing keeping me here. In fact, I’d do pretty much anything to stay away, and I still have no idea what I want to do with my life.

Whether I got the volunteer spot or not, I’d already deferred the first semester of my junior year, knowing I needed time to work things through. And even though I only transferredto Heartwood University for my sophomore year, I’m not even sure I want to go back at all when I’m done in Indonesia.

Dancing was my life, my future… What if I’m not good at anything else?

“It’s nice to see you on your night off, Lainey,” my boss says as I pull up a stool at the bar I work in. “Any chance you came to tell me you want to dance?”

I was a little dubious when a dancer friend of mine told me about a speakeasy opening in San Francisco. It was a new concept, one where they planned to have high-end dance performances and roaming dancers while people enjoyed a night out. Think exotic nightclub that’s less risqué with more clothes and one that also serves food.Expensivefood. It was pitched to me as an exclusive club for wealthy clientele, and they weren’t kidding.

I was initially contacted because they were looking for dancers, but they also needed bar and wait staff, and I needed a job. It wasn’t what I saw myself doing, but once I met with the owner, Shauna, I knew it was exactly what I needed. The base pay is well above minimum, and we get tips on top. So, while Shauna wants me to dance and jokes about it regularly, she’s never pushed it, and for now, tapping my foot as I serve is the closest I’m going to get. But I like being close.

“How do you know I’m not a bad dancer?” I laugh, reaching forward to clasp her hand, hoping she’ll see how much this all means to me. “I didn’t come for that, but I am here to ask for more work.” Shauna has been a godsend. After I left Jaiton, Gran cut me off financially—unsurprisingly—and my parents didn’t have the funds to support my enrollment at Heartwood. I earn enough working four nights a week here to live, save, and pay the part of my tuition not covered by loans—costs beinganother reason I’m not excited about the prospect of staying in college.

Shauna smiles as she shakes her head. “We’re lucky to have you with us. I know the girls will miss you too. You may be younger than they are, but you have this air of wisdom about you. Your guidance has been more than helpful. Have you ever thought about teaching as a career?”

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