Page 65 of A Sky Full Of Stars

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. It meansnothing. Just don’t let too much time pass. You’ll regret it.”

I shake my head even though he can’t see me, and get up from my position on the couch, grabbing another bottle from the minibar, this one a bourbon I haven’t tried before. “You’re an asshole sometimes. You know that, right?”

Luke laughs like this is some big joke, and I thank my lucky stars he’s not here because I would have decked him.

“Yeah, I know,” he says with resignation in his voice. “Just think about it.”

He hangs up and my stomach sinks. I don’t need him to spell it out; I know exactly what he means by “last time.” It’s been plaguing my memories since I found out the truth, thinking about what I could have done differently. Torturing myself with alternative paths I could have taken.Anyother paths I could have taken. But this time I’m doing what Summer asked. She wanted time and I’m giving it to her. I, at least, owe her that. Don’t I?

My mind whirs as I sip my drink, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t slow it down. Being in Seattle made it easier to lock my problems away, and I was barely keeping my head above water. Now that I’m close to home, all my issues, all the thoughts and images that keep me up at night, are rising to the surface again. While I’m sinking.

My phone rings again thirty minutes later, and I expect it to be Luke, telling me he’s in the city, but when I check the screen, I wince, seeing that it’s my mom. I swear it’s like she can sense that I’m nearby. She’s been calling me every few days and leaving long-winded voice messages that I refuse to listen to, but today she’s ramped up the calls.

Deep down, I know I’m going to have to talk to her. But I can’t get her betrayal out of my head. The hatred I feel for Dad is one thing. What he did is unforgivable. He’s a monster; there’s no other way to look at it.But Mom.I can’t even think about her actions without my stomach swarming with disgust.How could she just let it happen?

They both deserve to be cut off. Hell, they both deserve far worse. Yet, every time I think about the sick reality of the entire situation, a metaphorical knife slices open my chest, leaving my heart exposed to whoever wants to crush it. And the first person in line…is me. How can I write my mom off completely when I did the same thing?I let it happen.And when all is saidand done, the person I hate the most in this fucked-up reality isme.

As the anger seeps into my bones, I pour another drink, and another layer of guilt smothers me. Luke’s right. I should have made more of an effort to find out the truth back then. It’s part of the reason I can’t look at myself now. And if he was right about that, maybe he’s right about this too. Maybe I need to try harder with Summer. And maybe, justmaybe, he didn’t deserve my wrath.

I scroll through my messages to find my last exchange with Luke, and when I see his name, a vision of Lainey works its way into my mind, making me search for her contact instead.

My pulse quickens when I don’t find her details, until I come across a number I don’t recognize with the initials LLS.

It almost hurts when my lips pull into the first real smile I’ve had in weeks. LLS… Luke’s little sister. Lainey.

A tight feeling works its way into my chest as I think back to that day. About how I left things between us. I should have apologized to her for running that day we first kissed. And I should apologize for kissing her again at the Ball House. I may not remember much of that night, but I remember every moment with Lainey. As though my mind purposely saved the memories to torture me when I’m down.

She did it for me.

She was hurting and she stayed away to protect me. Even after I left her.

I treated her like shit. Like I didn’t care. Like Ihatedher. When the reality is I was angry because I caredtoomuch. I was falling for her. But instead of telling her that, I pushed her away again, wanting to protect myself.

Is that what I’m doing now? With Summer?

Luke’s words hit me and I have to consider he might be right. At least about Lainey. If he’d done the wrong thing by her, she’d expect him to put in the effort. So maybe I need to do the same…with Summer.

I promised I’d wait for her to reach out, but what if she needs me to prove myself first? What if she’s still terrified that I’ll break her heart again?

Without giving myself the chance to change my mind, I dial her number the second the idea sinks in, but when Cory answers, I know Luke was wrong.

“Thomas, it’s Cory.”

“Cory, hi.” I try to keep the disappointment from my voice, but it’s too thick to hide.

“I’m sorry,” she says, without me having to ask her any questions. “Summer left her phone at home and—”

“Cory,” I cut in. “It’s okay if she’s not ready to talk to me. I’d rather know the truth.”

“She’s going through a lot and…”

“I get it. It’s okay. I’m in town and… It doesn’t matter. Please tell her I’m sorry and that I’ll be here…whenever she wants to talk.”

“She knows. She’s not punishing you, Thomas. It's just…” She trails off again and I picture her struggling to find the right words. Cory’s always been such a caring soul, and knowing she can’t help would be breaking her.

“I understand. You don’t have to say anything else. I’m sure we’ll talk soon.”

---