Page 138 of A Sky Full Of Stars

In the shadow of darkness, I jump up and peek through the window, watching in silence. I thought Dylan was home, but maybe he went out again and is quietly slipping through the back door since Josh’s bedroom is near the front of the house.

With a breath trapped in my throat, I wait for what feels like forever, my heart pounding so hard I’m terrified it’s going to break through my ribs.

And it’s got nothing to do with fear. Deep down, I know it’s not going to be Dylan rounding the corner, and I’d much rather it was a stranger trying to break in than the one person I’m certain it is.

An excruciatingly long minute later, Thomas comes into view, and the world around me stills—the light hum of the fan ceases to exist, the trees stop rustling in the cool night air,and the clock stops. Of course, none of those things actually happen, but as I watch Thomas walking toward the house, nothing else penetrates my senses. All I see, all I feel…is him.

When he reaches the patio, he trips up the first step, catching himself at the last second before grabbing the wall for balance. It’s obvious that he’s drunk from his staggered movements, and yet, rather than the anger I thought I’d feel at discovering nothing had changed, all I feel is sadness. Sadness for the man who’s clearly more broken than he ever realized, and sadness for me. For not being enough of a reason for him to want to get help.

As I wallow in self-pity, Thomas moves to open the door, but pauses at the threshold before looking my way, forcing me to pull back into the shadows even though I’m certain he can’t see me. I wait a beat before peeking again, and this time when I find him, my heart bleeds.

No longer standing tall, he’s now hunched over with the palms of his hands buried in his eye sockets, his elbows flat against his chest. And while there may be some physical distance between us, it’s impossible to miss the way his body shakes, and I can’t handle not being there for him. I want to run to him. I want to pull him into my arms and tell him everything will be okay. But before I can decide if that’s the right or wrong thing to do, he drops his hands and shakes himself off before his head falls back and he stares into the darkness—into the stars.

To most people, that would mean nothing, but to me, it meansthe world.

A sharp pang hits me in the chest as Luke’s words run through my mind, and for the first time, they really sink in.

“He did itallfor you, Lainey.Everything.”

Could he be right? And if he is…what does it mean?

The next day, I’m still thinking about Thomas as I look after Josh, but it’s easier to push him from my mind.

“And they all lived happily ever after,” I whisper, finishing my story when I hear Josh’s calm breaths signaling that he’s asleep. He was fighting sleep today, and I have to wonder if it’s because he senses my unease. When I woke up this morning, I put on my big girl panties, gathered my strength, and prepared myself to walk into the main house and face Thomas, but he was gone. And with each passing hour, my confidence has wavered. Seeing him last night softened me a little and had me questioning if I was doing the wrong thing. He’s clearly still having issues, and we agreed to only contact each other if we were happy. If he’s not happy, what right do I have to be mad at him?

Yes, he lied. But Luke lied too, and if I’m being honest with myself, I’m not sure that me knowing all that time would have changed anything for the better. In fact, there’s a strong possibility that Luke was right, and it would have changed things for the worse.

But Thomas promised me a clean break, and if he was talking to Luke about my life, that means he hadn’t cut ties at all.

I switch off Josh’s lamp as I walk out of the room and gently close the door, my shoulders tense as though I’m going to turn around and find Thomas standing behind me.

But of course, I don’t. For all I know he was only back for the night, and he’s already home in Seattle. Or is San Francisco home now?

Taking a deep breath, I collect the baby monitor and detour past Summer’s office as she’s finishing up a call.

“It’s fine, Lucy. We’ll see you soon.” She hangs up and smiles when she sees me. “Hi, Lainey.”

“Sorry to bother you. Josh is asleep, so I’m going to head outside to enjoy the sunshine. I’ve got the monitor.”

“You don’t have to tell me; I trust you.”

“Thank you. I know. I just… this is all new.”

“I get it.” Summer giggles. “It’s all new to me too. I didn’t have very affectionate parents, so I’m always wondering if I’m overdoing it to make up for that.”

“A child can never have too much love.”

“Oh, I know…but I probably overdo other aspects too. Like working from home instead of going into the office.”

“That’s understandable. He’s still young. You don’t want to miss anything.”

“You’re right. I don’t. But I agreed to work and—”

“You’re doing an amazing job. Josh is happy, he’s loved, and you’re present in his life. Don’t let the mom guilt get to you.” Summer’s eyes widen, and I start to panic. Not only do I have no idea where that came from, but there’s a good chance I’m way out of line. “God, I’m sorry. What do I know about—”

“You’re exactly right. I feel guilty for working, but I hadn’t realized that’s what it was.”

“I could be wrong…”

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