Page 47 of Loved By You

“Meeee,” Lexi squeals, leaping into my arms and nearly knocking me flat on my back.God, my girl is growing up and getting big.

“Okay, go get your stuff.”

I quickly change into an oversized white tee and a pair of gray shorts, pick up Elle, and climb into bed. I can't help but sniff the top of her head, not believing that she turns one soon. It’s been the quickest and most stressful year of my life. I feel like I blinked, and she's almost a toddler. She's almost lost that baby smell, the one that smells of milk and baby powder. I'd bottle it if I could.

Lexi wanders in from her bedroom, dragging her blankie, pink bunny, and her baby doll. “Move up, Mommy. All my friends need to fit.”

“Okay, baby.”

I scoot over and Lexi settles in next to me and I wrap my arms around them both. I lean over to switch off the bedroom lamp and turn on Elle’s white noise machine. It only takes a few minutes for the girls to drift off into a peaceful sleep.

They are my nightlights, my comfort, all I need when life feels out of control and I need to feel safe, to feel wanted. I know they need me but I need them so much more than they will ever know. Tonight my chest feels heavy and thoughts of last night run through my mind like a herd of wild stallions.

The taste of his kiss and the heat of his touch. I wonder if there will ever be a way I can have it all without feeling this immense sense of guilt.Will there be a day where I believe that I am enough?A warm tear rolls down my cheek. I don't let myself cry.It was a pointless emotion, my mom would say. Crying got me nowhere. I lay staring at my bedroom ceiling, cradling my girls with the sounds of waves crashing on Elle’s sound machine. It brings me a sense of comfort as I drift off to sleep and dream of a man that I don't feel worthy of having but desperately want to be mine.

Chapter Twenty

Jack

Ria didn't call like she said she would, but I get it. I know she would have been busy tending to the girls. She sent a message saying she didn't regret the other night and thank God, because it's all I've thought about. Now I've had a taste of her—for real this time—I need more. Visions of her coming apart beneath me invaded my dreams and provided me with a visual for my morning jerk off in the shower.

However, my morning of work doesn't allow much time for daydreaming about Maria Kennedy. I’m stuck in back to back meetings with our investors and accountant, making plans for the festive season. Before our next meeting starts, I need to check she’s doing okay. Rising from my seat. I swipe my phone from the table and head for the door.

“Where you off to, lover boy? Is the wifey waiting for you in the office for a cheeky hook up?” Harry grins, leaning back in his chair.

“Fuck you,” I mutter back, trying not to let him get a rise out of me.

“Don't forget your hand stretches. Wouldn't want you to get cramp, in those fingers.” He laughs, making Jazz hands.

Brad lets out a low chuckle.

“You know, I'm starting to see why Ali can't stand you. No wonder you're single,” I bite back

“Nah, she loves me. She just doesn't know it yet,” he says with a shit-eating grin.

“You keep telling yourself that,” I deadpan. “I’ll be back in five. Can you start the meeting if they get here early?” I ask, directing my question at Brad, who replies with a nod.

I've left the other side of the club to Brad. I've been reluctant to dive into that side of things, but he was adamant it's the way forward and extremely lucrative. You only have to show Harry a dollar sign and the man will sign on the dotted line. Chris suggested we have a private gentleman’s lounge with dancers during our initial meeting and knowing he and some of his associates are on their way to discuss the opening of the lounge, I use that as my opportunity to sneak out.

I never thought I would be involved with a woman who has kids, but those little girls have found a way into my heart. I think about them every day;What are they up to? Is Lexi causing havoc? Has Elle taken her first steps on her own yet?I know Ria has said she's so close to walking and for some reason, I really hope I get to witness one of her firsts.

I slip into my office, take off my suit jacket, and hang it on the back of the door. I add a pod to my coffee machine, welcoming the rich aroma filling my office. Taking my steaming mug of coffee with a dash of creamer, I sit on the couch and memoriesof Saturday night come flooding back. Ria writhing beneath me, my fingers buried inside her, her sweet taste.

Fuck, I want her again, need to have her again.

I pull my phone from my pants pocket and swipe to find Ria’s number.

It rings and rings, and just when I think it will go to voicemail, she answers. “Hey, Jack. Now’s not a great time. Can I call you later?” she rushes.

I can hear Elle wailing in the background. She doesn't sound happy at all.

“Ri, is everything okay?” I’m concerned that she’s managing all this on her own because I know for sure fuck face Alex isn’t there helping her withhisdaughters. In the time since Ria has come back into my life, I can count on one hand the times Alex has seen his girls. I've spent more time with them lately than he has. Why would he not want to be with his girls, all of his girls? He truly fucked it, and the sad part is, I don’t even think he realizes it or cares. If they were mine I’d never let them go.

“Ugh… yeah… ssshhh, baby, it's okay. It's okay,” I hear her soothe Elle, who’s still wailing in the background.

“Elle woke with a fever so I took her to the doctor. She's got another ear infection. I picked up her prescription but forgot to get more Tylenol for the pain and her fever, so—yes, Lex, wear whatever shoes you want, sweetie, just put something on.”

I don't know how she multi-tasks like that. It’s like she’s having three conversions at once.

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