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Right?

“I’m not sure I’m a good enough alpha or just man in general to answer that question honestly.” Starting at that point so Austin couldn’t kill me later, I finished off the last of my wine. “The options don’t scare me nearly as much as you think they do. My biggest concern is making sure Austin doesn’t kill me.”

Trying to hide a smile, Dessie nodded seriously. “Yes, that would be a bigger issue. But if I promise to tell him we were both making poor decisions? Then he can’t blame you.”

“I’m not so sure he’d agree with that logic.” He might regret killing me down the road, but not right off the bat.

Dessie giggled, wine definitely coloring how funny he thought my death would be. “He likes you too. He made sure I knew to go slow and not…oops.”

Clamping his lips together, he looked around like a startled cartoon character and quickly drank down the rest of his wine. “Did you want more dessert?”

He was terrible at hiding things.

That would come in handy if we made it through our first date, but for the time being, I had to tell myself he was a drunk little. He was not trying to throw up red flags or sound alarm bells. “Not in the way you mean, but I would like to know what Austin said.”

Sighing dramatically, he pouted. “But I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

That was not the response I’d expected, so I shifted the conversation around in my head and tried again. Raising one eyebrow, I did my best to channel the Daddies I’d seen online. “I won’t be mad, but you need to tell me the truth. Good boys don’t lie.”

Right?

Dessie’s huff and the way he slouched back in his seat said he didn’t agree with me, but eventually he gave in.

So I was correct?

“Austin said I had to go slow and not rush you into doing anything naughty because you might not be ready for me to be excited.” Letting out another adorable sigh, Dessie crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not going to rush but it’s hard.”

I was pretty sure laughing or even smiling would not have been the right response, but he was making that very difficult.

“I might not be ready for you to be excited because you’re interested in exploring…what I’ve been concerned about?” Eventually I was going to have to say it but Austin’s backyard didnotseem like the place to do it.

Dessie nodded, but it was the way he licked his lips and wiggled that told me I needed to be looking at every definition for the word excited. “But I’m a good boy and I won’t make you nervous on purpose. You’re just…we could just…I’m sorry. I’m naughty.”

In the most interesting way possible, yes, he was naughty.

“You don’t have to apologize for not being turned off by me or my uniqueness.” That would be stupid considering I’d been trying to find someone who wouldn’t mind it and would understand my need for privacy.

Blinking, Dessie frowned. “But I think I’m supposed to be sorry for being turned on by it. Right?”

I’d never actually been in that situation, so I wasn’t sure.

“I don’t think so?” Swallowing back the nervousness that made me feel like a teenager first trying to date, I tried to reframe it so it sounded more confident. “I don’t want you to be sorry for it. I’ve just never been in this situation before.”

Yep, back to feeling like a teenager.

“I don’t like the not knowing feeling. I’m not used to that either. I’ve built a life around knowing information and what’s happening around me.” I was aware of the understatement even if I wasn’t sure Dessie was. “This is…this just isn’t comfortable and I know that’s a stumbling block I need to get over.”

Nodding slowly, Dessie surprised me again. “It’s like first figuring out you’re kinky or into something unexpected. There are all these mental roadblocks that get thrown up because of what other people have said or what we’ve seen around us.”

He wasn’t wrong but I hadn’t seen it that way. “It’s always been a problem to me, not something that just made me feel different. But yes, I think that’s a good way to describe it.”

Blinking, Dessie nibbled his lower lip. “I’m probably going to need another drink if we keep this conversation going, but Austin says that sometimes you have to rip off the bandage and try something to get over your fears. Like trying a diaper for the first time. It was scary.”

“But you wanted it enough to be brave and push past that fear.” I wasn’t going to acknowledge Austin being right because that was just horrific, but Dessie wasn’t wrong about the comparison.

The big question was if I wanted it enough to push past my fear.

I wasn’t delusional…I knew I was afraid.

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