Page 101 of Broken Empire

“Noworries.Iknow both of you are going through a rough time right now andI’mhoping it gets better,” she says with a kind smile on her face.

“I’mgoing to leave now,”Itell her onceI’vefinished my coffee. “Butplease don’t let her know thatI’vebeen here.Idon’t want her to freak out or anything.”

“Noproblem.Areyou staying inLondonor flying back home?”Carterasks.

“Whatdo you think, dickhead?I’mnot leaving until she’s leaving,”Imutter.

“Bythe way my brother said he’ll kick your ass when he sees you again because you don’t listen for shit,”Cartersays, laughing.

“Ahfuck!Thatasshole stays to minding my business too damn much,”Igrumble.

“Well, you’ve grown on him so consider yourself lucky,”Cartersays with a chuckle.

“I’mheading out now.I’llsee you guys tonight again.”

“Doyou think that’s such a good idea?”

“Maybenot but there’s no way in hellI’mstaying inLondonand not sleeping next to my girl,”Isay. “Anddon’t think any of you can stop me either becauseIwill kidnap her ifIhave to from you idiots!”

“Ugh!Whatis with all the lunacy these days?Fine!Wewon’t say a word but if she wakes up and finds out on her own and wants you to leave, well then, you’ll have to or you’ll be the one who gets shot, understood?”Cartersays.

“Yes.Igot you geez.”

Andwith thatIhead out, at least for the day.Andthat first day created a whole new monster in me.Inow spend my days stalking and watching over her.Imake sureI’mclose, but not close enough where she can see me in case, she ever needs help or anything like that.

Ilive and breathe by watching over her every day but the best part is whenIslip into her room at night and sleep beside her.I’vebeen inLondona month already and not going to look a gift horse in the mouth but the very next day after my first visit she moved into the penthouse at theCrowneHotel, which means easy access for me at night sinceIgot a key to her room fromHunterwho also brought his ass toLondon.

Justmaking sure that she’s safe every day is helping me in some ways though there are days whenIstill struggle and, on those days,Ihit the bottle hard.Ihate whatI’mbecoming, butIcan’t help myself.Thisis not home andIjust want her to come home already…

WINTER

Iwakeup and look around the room, not sure whatIwill find but it’s empty.I’mnot sure how it’s possible butIswearIcan smellMason’sscent in my room which is odd because he’s all the way home inRavenwood.

ThoughIcan swearIfelt his presence here next to me.Isthat whyIslept so peacefully last night?I’vebeen having trouble sleeping still.Ithought coming toLondonwould help me feel more at ease by being away fromMasonfor a while but it’s been the opposite in fact, well except for last night.

I’mnot going to lie.Imiss him.Idon’t know whyIhaven’t gone home yet.Iknow he’s been trying and apologizing but something is holding me back from going all in again with him.Idon’t know what that is.

Ibrought my damn therapist with me.Yeah, who would have thought, right?We’vebeen talking, and she’s been helping me to see certain things differently.ButI’mstill not ready to leave.IguessIjust want to be better beforeIgo home.Ifeel like it wouldn’t be fair of me to continue putting all my hang-ups on him.

IthinkI’mslowly recovering, feeling healed where certain things are concerned but ugh, this thing called life is just too much sometimes.IwishIcould snap my fingers and be completely fine, forgetting the past and what was done to me.Toobad shit doesn’t work like that.

IguessI’lljust have to keep pushing through for the sake of me and these babies as well asMason, since he’s going to be a father.Istill haven’t told him.Ilet out a sigh becauseIknow the longer,Iwait to tell him the news, the harder it’ll be.

Ilie here contemplating my life once again, asI’vebeen doing pretty much every morning as soon asIwake up.Adelaidehas been the best host and friend a girl could ask for butIstill can’t help but feel lonely.IguessIjust miss him.Thatshould have already told me allIneeded to know, right?Idon’t know whyI’mstill being so stubborn.

WhenI’vespent long enough just lying here and driving myself crazy with my thoughts,Iget up, heading for the shower and then get dressed before going downstairs to the kitchen.Adelaideand the guys are already down here soIgreet them all.

“Goodmorning, guys!”Isay to the room.

“Goodmorning!”Iget a chorus of greetings from all the guys.

“Goodmorning, sweetheart.Howdid you sleep last night?”Adelaideasks asItake a seat at the island and she hands me a glass of juice.

“Surprisingly,Islept rather well last night.It’sso weird becauseIonly sleep that way whenMasonis around,”Itell her, still feeling confused about it all. “CouldIhave some coffee or something?”

“Maybeyou were thinking about him before you went to sleep?So, it kind of worked like a comforting thought, so that’s why you slept well?Andno.You’repregnant!”

“Maybe.You’reprobably right.Imean, he’s never far from my thoughts.And, oh yeah,IforgotI’mlugging around two babies in here,”Ijoke.Becauseyeah right, likeIcan ever forget that shit when it’s always heavily on my mind.

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