Page 10 of The Eraser

"No, you're lying," I cry. There's no way this is happening. He’s got to be wrong. This can’t be happening. Mam’s not dead. No way.

His arms tighten around me, crushing me against him. Tremors run through his body as he starts to rock me.

“What happened?” I ask, my voice wobbly.

I’m praying that this is a bad dream. Maybe I’m running a fever and hallucinating?

“I’m still waiting on details,” he tells me, his voice tight, and I know that he’s lying.

“Tell me,” I shriek as I press my hands against his chest and push off him. “What happened?”

“Jessie,” he says softly, stepping closer to me, but I shake my head. No, I don’t want him near me. “I don’t know, loveen. If I did, I’d tell you.”

Lies. It’s all lies. I feel it in the pit of my stomach. I know he knows. He’s Jerry fucking Houlihan, for crying out loud. He knows everything that goes on in this city.

I stare at him, at the devastation written across his face and the pain that’s etched in his eyes. And it hits me like a punch to the gut. I back away from him again, my hands pressing against my stomach and my knees buckling.

“She’s gone?” I breathe, unable to stop the tears from falling. “She’s really gone?”

Jerry swallows hard and nods. “I’m sorry, Jessie. I’m so fucking sorry.”

My body trembles as a coldness unlike anything I’ve ever felt before seeps into my skin. “Why?” I cry. “Why is she gone?”

Jer steps closer to me and I shake my head. I don’t want him to touch me. I don’t want anyone near me.

“No,” I hiss. “No, don’t come near me.”

He stops dead in his tracks. “Jessie,” he whispers. “Loveen, you have to let me help you.”

I shake my head. “No,” I cry, my entire body trembling. I can’t do this. I need him to leave. “Go,” I snap as tears fall down my face. I’m unable to stop them. They’re like a river, continuously flowing. “Leave,” I shout.

A shadow looms by the door, and I turn to see my dad. His eyes are red, almost as though he’s been crying. His nostrils flare as he glares at Uncle Jer. “It’s time for you to leave,” he spits out. “Jessica doesn’t need any more upset. She’s just lost her mam, for crying out loud. Jer, leave her be.”

I’m surprised. My dad never usually sticks up for me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him be disrespectful to Jerry, his boss, but I appreciate it. Right now, I need some space. I just want to collapse to the floor and cry.

Jer’s face is stricken with pain, and I hate that I’m causing more hurt for him. He gives my dad a tight nod and walks out of the room. I hear his heavy footsteps as they pound on the staircase as he makes his way downstairs.

“That fucker,” Dad spits. “He’s the reason your ma’s dead, Jessica. He’s the reason she was shot.”

I swallow hard. “Shot?” I shake my head. “Jer said something happened. I thought he meant there was an accident.”

He gives me a grim smile. “No accident,” he snarls. “Jerry’s enemy took her out. Sean Kelly Senior isn’t someone you mess around with. Because of him, my wife is dead. I’ll never forgive the bastard. Not fucking ever.”

“Is she really gone?” I whisper, unable to even comprehend that I will never see her again.

“Yeah,” he snarls. “Her brains were blown out in Blanchardstown while she was shopping for you. Fucking cunt,” he growls as he glares at me. “This is all your fault, as well as your uncle’s. My wife’s dead and I have to deal with you.”

I pull in a ragged breath as he exits my room, slamming the door behind him. My knees buckle beneath me and I crash down to the floor with a hard bang. The tears that have been continuously falling, fall even harder, until I’m struggling to find oxygen as my body wracks with sobs.

She’s gone. She’s really gone, and I have no one left.

How do I survive without her?

ChapterThree

JESSICA

"I'm sorry for your loss,"I hear mumbled as yet another person shakes my hand, giving me a soft, sympathetic smile and then moving on, before reaching for Aunt Nicola's hand and doing the same with hers.

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