Page 158 of Say Yes to the Death

“I didn’t want her to feel left out.” He grinned.

Claire squealed and took a picture with her phone before re-focusing.

“Any activity so far?” Mindy asked.

“Nothing suspicious,” he said, shaking his head. “There are a lot of people going in and out, but they’re mostly women. Zero college douchebags. Here.” He handed over five tiny, clear earpieces.

“Thank you, Sawyer,” she said, installing one in her ear and covering it with the wig. Nicole and Mindy installed theirs too.

“I’ll keep a close eye on all of you. Let me know if you see something I don’t.”

“I will, thanks.” Claire bent over to kiss Rosie between her furry eyebrows and slid the van door shut. “Let’s get back to the drawing room.”

They hustled back to where they had started. The circular driveway was packed with cars, and classical music and warm, ambient light spilled out from the building. The sun hung low on the horizon. The first speaker had already gone on. There were a couple more before Claire/Wendy would make her speech.

“Okay.” She turned to her friends, who had gathered in the middle of the room. She pulled a small, spiral-bound notebook out of her sequined clutch. “Here’s the plan. First of all, take these.” She passed out the remaining earpieces to Kyle and Luke. “Call out if you see anything. The safe word is ‘queso,’ but please don’t use it unless you are actually in danger.”

The other four nodded.

Claire continued. “Great. So, we keep our eyes open. It shouldn’t be difficult to spot a bunch of frat boys at a networking event for professional women. I’ll deliver Wendy’s keynote speech at nine and make it look like I’m super drunk. I will then stumble out the back door toward the lake in full view of the nanny cam. By that time, they’ll be on a serious time crunch—they’ll have to kidnap me and make it back to campus by ten. They’ll be desperate, and they’ll be sloppy. The boys will be watching from the trees. You two will stay inside the house.”

Mindy and Nicole groaned.

“I’m serious. Don’t take a single step off that patio. I don’t want you anywhere near those maniacs. Everyone have your pepper spray? All right, let’s do this.” She took a deep breath and opened the double doors that led into the foyer.

She wrote Wendy’s name sloppily on a name tag and slapped it onto her chest. It barely stuck to the sequins. It was time to mingle. Who would Wendy talk to at an event like this? Or would she just camp out at the bar and look for a penis to sit on?

“Club soda with a lime, please,” she decided, sidling up to the bar. Kyle’s bartender friend seemed competent. Maybe this fake event wouldn’t be a total failure after all.

She crossed the room with her drink. The sunglasses made it difficult to tell, but it didn’t look like any ESA members were present just yet.

Oh, there was Sally. She better go say thank you.

“Sally,” Claire whispered loudly, tapping her on the shoulder.

Sally tuned around, and her smile faltered for a moment when she took in the apparel of the person tapping her.

“It’s okay, it’s me. It’s part of the trap,” Claire said, lifting her sunglasses. She had been forced to give the bare minimum of details to Sally so that she understood the gravity of the situation, though she had tactfully avoided revealing the abduction.

“Oh, Claire. I didn’t recognize you in that getup.” Sally splayed one hand with inch-long ballerina nails over her chest. Her permed blonde hair didn’t budge a centimeter when she shook her head.

Claire cringed. “I don’t recognize me either. I just wanted to thank you for throwing this all together so quickly. You are quite literally a lifesaver.” She reached over and squeezed Sally’s shoulder.

“It was nothing. Frankly, I love it. I might steal this event from you in the future and do it for real. Oh, my sister-in-law is about to start her speech on work/life balance. You be careful now, okay?”

Since twenty-four hours wasn’t exactly a lot of notice, Sally had leaned heavily on family members and colleagues to fill the speaking slots.

“Of course. Thanks again.” Claire walked off with her drink and surveyed the party. Everyone was staring at her. If she really was Wendy, she would love it. But Claire just wanted to take the dress off and hide in her all-black event uniform.

The boys had done a surprisingly great job with the decorating. It was as elegant as Claire had imagined. She sighed when she walked past the pastry table. Yuffie’s staff really should have put more space between the cream puffs and éclairs. They weren’t joined up in the shape of penises anymore, but there was definitely still some dick energy emanating from the table.

A woman she vaguely remembered from the Chamber of Commerce Awards took the stage and began talking about the struggles of being a woman in the corporate world. Claire glanced at her watch. 8:45 p.m. She had a few minutes to scope out the rest of the house.

She walked from the ballroom to the hallway and opened doors as she went. Maybe the ESA guys were hiding until the last possible moment. Or maybe her plan had totally failed, and she had just spent upward of $3,000 for nothing.

“Claire, I see them.” Sawyer spoke in her ear.

Her heart rate skyrocketed. “Shit, what should I do?”

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