Page 50 of In Love with a Ranger

The plane started to taxi forward, lifting off the ground and giving her a view of the surroundings as Austin handed headphones to both of them over his shoulder.

“Y’all put the mouthpieces close and this will help drown out some of the noise. Welcome to Flyboys Flight number 5709. This is yo’ favorite captain of the air, The Sparkmeister…”

“Oh heck…” Gideon muttered, laughing.

“Did he actually refer to himself as ‘The Sparkmeister’?”

“Put your tray tables up, remain in your seats, because it’s a long way down… oh wait, you already know that,” Sparky jeered – and then cracked up laughing at Gideon shoved at his head playfully.

“Woooooo,” Sparky teased, making the plane go up quickly, pushing them back in their seats. “Anyone get motion sickness easily? I don’t think I have any gag-bags up here…”

“Oh my gosh,” Christina muttered, shaking her head at the man, realizing he certainly would make holidays and family reunions ‘interesting.’

And slid a hand onto Gideon’s upper thigh.

Her husband’s head turned toward her sharply as his nose flared, telling her he was drawing in his breath at her touch.

“Hi…”

“Hi yourself…”

“Do you mind?” she began – and they were quickly interrupted.

“HEY NOW…” Sparky said loudly in the speaker. “We might be in a plane, but nowhere does it say anything about the Mile-High Club. Keep your fingers, nose, lips, and toes to yourself. If I see anything, I’m landing this plane, and you can just WALK home, young man!” and then glanced over his shoulder. “And I never dreamed I’d say this, but Chris – you too. No female body parts are to be poked or prodded in my plane. Y’all are making me grow up! I never dreamed of the day where I told a woman to keep her body parts to herself, and it’s just shameful, I tell ya…”

It was obvious he was half-heartedly teasing them, causing all three to chuckle at the weird instructions before Sparky began singing. The skinny, playful man was actually singing in the speakers like it was nothing to him.

“Heads, shoulders, knees, and toes…”

Oh yes, Christina thought, smiling at the mischievous man singing happily to them with a backhanded jab just like any sibling would do. It was funny, sweet, familial, and somewhat wonderful. If this was any inclination of how meeting Gideon’s family was going to be – this trip was going to be wonderful.

* * *

Hours later, the plane landed at a small rural airstrip that was nearly empty at the late hour. Sparky waved at another man and tossed him the keys like a millionaire tossing the keys to his Lamborghini to a valet at some Hollywood event.

Loading into a car, it was a short ride to the house where everyone was supposed to be waiting. Her heart was beating nervously, and she spoke up, trying to distract herself.

“Was that where you work?”

“That dump? Oh, heck no. That’s a local place out this way in Wichita Falls. My place is Flyboys. It’s a little further out, cozy, and Harley gets us the best of everything. Best flavored coffee, best rollerball ink pens, best toilet paper – she splurges and gets two-ply, not like the military. Ain’t nothing better than having a cushy-tushy…”

“Oh mercy,” Gideon groaned, slapping his forehead and dragging his hand downward as he chuckled nervously before looking at her.

“You cannot argue, and we both know it,” Sparky said defensively, pointing at the rearview mirror. “I’m downright spoiled now and plan on keeping it that way. Now Gizzy, that’s my girl – Chris, she’s spoiled too, but I would never tell her that. We keep cartons of Whoppers in the house and gummy worms because that’s our thing. When you do without and suddenly have it, you never want to go back to how it was before.”

“Amen to that. I understand,” Christina chuckled, smiling.

“See? I like her! She gets it, bro. Life is about being real – and single-ply TP is about as painfully real as it gets. Now Charmin— oooweee, that’s some fancy stuff and…”

“Austin, can we talk about anything else other than toilet paper – please?”

“We’re here, ya’ prude-boob.”

Christina couldn’t help but burst out laughing as Austin ducked for a moment before darting out of the car away from Gideon’s hand as he reached for his brother-in-law. The gangly man was nearly at the door when several people started to pour out into the yard.

“Time to face the music,” Christina muttered under her breath nervously and opened the car door, only to hear her husband laugh behind her as he muttered.

“You have noooo idea…”

---