Page 19 of Little Boy Toy

“Did you know elephants stay pregnant for two years?”

“I think I heard that once.”

“The herds are mostly female and they all band together to protect and take care of their babies.”

“Read me the story.”

“Okay.” He turned the page to the first sentence, then stopped and looked up. “Do you ever want to read?”

“You mean out loud? To you?”

He nodded.

“I love your voice, but of course if you want me to read to you, I can do that.”

“I know you say you’re not a daddy, but?—”

“No, I’m not.” I waited for disappointment to cross his features. Instead, he shrugged.

“It’s okay. I’m six on the inside, so I can read.”

“A smart six.”

He giggled. “Yeah, I guess.”

“But I can read, too,” I countered. “If you ever need a break.”

He nodded. “Well, I’ll start.”

I brought the tray of brownies and veggies up to my lap to entice him, but he couldn’t very well eat and read at the same time. We ended up taking breaks between books to snack. Again, it was very meditative and relaxing to me. Being around Kendry calmed my heart and made me feel as if I fit into the world a little easier. Hearing his voice lulled me into a luxurious feeling of belonging.

We took another break from reading, and I turned on the TV. “Do you like cartoons?”

“I do.” He then proceeded to give me a long list. He knew exactly where they streamed and since I had a few of those channels we were able to find one of his favorites, which was actually funny and entertaining.

He declared the brownies were the best ever.

“Store-bought,” I told him.

“Wow. Store-bought.” He spoke as if it were a luxury.

At dinner, Kendry became more curious.

“What do you do for fun?” he asked. “Do you like sports or cars or stuff like that?”

“Hmm, well, I do watch the Superbowl but I’m not a diehard fan. My biggest guilty pleasure is reality TV.”

“Like Big Brother and Real Housewives?”

“No. More like Survivor and The Mole.”

“Oh, I’ve never seen those. Now I want to.”

“Just because I said I like them?”

He tilted his head, then nodded. “I want to know what you like.”

That statement added so much hope to the kindling of fire burning in my heart for him. This was so different for me. A building of trust and foundation before anything else. My relationships had been always sex first. I never thought about that until I got into my thirties and started to ask myself, “What are you doing?”

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