Page 38 of The Expiration Date

But the thing about that logic is that everything has changed for us. And he is asking me for my advice.

“I know what I would do if it was my dad. I would do anything to save his life.”

Aidan rubs his forehead, clearly conflicted by my answer.

“But,” I continue, “I had a very different relationship with my dad than you have with yours. I know that this is a complicated situation for you. I can’t imagine being in your shoes.” I suddenly feel an overwhelming need to go over to Aidan and give him a hug. Two weeks ago, my body wouldn’t allow me to step near Aidan in that capacity.

But like I said before, everything has changed.

I inch closer to Aidan and wrap my arms around him, tightening my grasp as hard as I can. He returns the hug and holds me just as tight. This hug feels different than all the other physical interactions we’ve had of late. It isn’t fueled by inexplicable tension. It is purely platonic. Friendly. Comforting.

I open my eyes toward the horizon and see a faint rainbow making its timely appearance. “Do you want to know why I have a tattoo of a rainbow on the side of my torso?”

“I do. Ever since I saw it earlier, I wanted to know.”

“Whenever I was having a bad day, or my anxiety was getting the best of me, my dad would tell me, Look for the rainbows. He told me that rainbows are a sign of hope and promise. They are the beautiful prize that awaits us after the storm of life. They are there to assure us that there will always be beauty and clarity following times of doubt. Times of tribulations and trials. He told me that whenever I felt uneasy or felt like I couldn’t escape what was bothering me, to look for rainbows. Search for the rainbows in life because they are always going to pull you through the dark times. Growing up, I thought that was so corny of my dad to say.” I smile as I see my dad’s face when I close my eyes. Small droplets of tears escape my blinking eyes. “Now, it’s the advice that I hold closest to my heart. Right before he died, he told me to look for him in the rainbows, Haley Girl.”

Aidan pulls away just enough so he can see my face fully. I finally am brave enough to look at him after this confession. I expect him to look at me with pity in his eyes. But it isn’t a look of pity that I see. It almost looks like admiration and wonder.

“I guess I wanted a permanent reminder of him. Even though I knew my dad would always be with me in moments of happiness, sadness, all of the above – I needed physical proof that he is always with me. Hence the tattoo. And whenever I see rainbows like that one over there,” I gestured my head toward the faint rainbow, “I know that my dad is watching over me and everything that I was worrying about vanishes.”

“Thank you for sharing that with me, Hales.”

“Of course. I just figured that since you had a tough day, you needed to see the hope at the end of it. It’s not going to stay terrible forever.” I place my hand on his chest and continue, “And back to your question: I don’t have a clear answer for you and honestly, it’s not my place, Aidan. You know your dad better than anyone and you are under no obligation to give any part of yourself – organs or otherwise – to a person who always sees you as ‘less than’ and has already taken pieces of you that you can never get back. I understand that. That being said, if you decide that you do want to help him, then I don’t think anyone will judge you for that.”

“My mom will. And I have to protect my mom, Hales. I don’t want this to open the door to any line of future communication with him or involvement in my life because my mom is so important to me. She is the one who raised me into the man I am today. My dad’s lifestyle choices led him to this very moment. The choice to drink. The choice to beat my mom. The choice to beat me. All behind closed doors. All the while he was pretending to be an upstanding lawyer in court and prosecuting people who were doing the exact same things he was doing. He was such a hypocrite. Is such a hypocrite.” He pauses, “He is the face of all the demons I have inside of me. Demons that I hope will never come out. They started to rear their ugly heads after Natasha. I was turning into him and it was a hell I don’t want to enter again. I didn’t recognize myself and I realized that my biggest fear in life was emulating my father. I don’t want to be him.”

“You won’t, Aidan. You are leaps and bounds from being like your father. Yeah, maybe you lost yourself for a while, but you have the strength to pull yourself out of it. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.” He halfway smirks and I tug a little at the back of his shirt. “Remind me if I ever see your mom again, to thank her for raising such an incredible man. A man who puts her well-being first more than his. She would be proud of you. But I will say that your mom is stronger than you might be giving her credit for, and I don’t think she would allow your dad back into her life in any way. You get your strength from her, Aidan. Not your dad. Don’t underestimate your mom. So I am going to say it again: if you do decide to get tested to see if you are a match for your father, that will be okay. She will be okay. Either way you choose, that will be the right choice for you.” I lace my fingers through Aidan’s hands. “Find the rainbow.”

The wind is starting to pick up a little and my hair keeps getting stuck on my lips and getting into my eyes. Aidan looks at me intently, brushes my wild hair out of my face, tucks the strands behind my ear, and says, “I’m beginning to think that you are my–”

“Haley!!! Get your sexy ass in this house so we can get ready for tonight, girlie!” Anna yells from the balcony directly outside the bedroom Aidan and I are sharing. “Hi, Charming.”

I roll my eyes. “Oh Anna. Always with the perfect timing.” Both Aidan and I seem to sigh at the same time. I point my thumb back toward the house and say, “Um, sorry. I better go. I have been summoned by the bride. Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes. I’m going to be fine. I just have a lot to think about. It’s okay, go be with Anna. You girls have fun. Don’t get in too much trouble.”

“I won’t, I promise. It’s Anna who we have to worry about getting into trouble. You know how impulsive she can be, from personal experience,” I say, referencing her initial introduction to him. I feel a tinge of possessiveness in my gut, like I never want to see Aidan kiss another girl ever again. Even if it is a part of his job. Maybe we can negotiate that in my contract when we return to L.A.

I reluctantly leave Aidan’s side, jog back to where I was reading and pick up my book and blanket.

In the midst of the wind, I hear Aidan yell, “Hey Hales!”

I quickly turn to face Aidan. I know it’s unfair to leave him like this, especially with him looking the way he does, but I have a feeling he’s telling me the truth. He really is okay for the time being. I know he is going to make the right decision for him. “Yeah?”

As if he is superhuman – a thought that has certainly crossed my mind over the past two weeks – he is at my side in .02 milliseconds. That scared little boy is now replaced by an enlightened man. He kisses the top of my forehead and says, “Thank you for being you.”

22

“Okay, last bar of the night!” Anna exclaims.

“That’s what you said at the last one, Anna.” I laugh. Anna certainly hasn’t changed. She has always been the life of the party and tonight has been no different. She has a quality about her that makes anyone feel like they can join in on the fun, even if said person was content reading in a corner like I was in college. She was the one who influenced me to let go, relax, and partake in some sort of social interaction.

“I know, but I promise this is the last one,” she says as she enthusiastically texts someone, a smile permanently stuck to her face.

We make our way into the small dive bar off the coast. It has been nice to finally let loose with my best friend. It has been a long time coming, and tonight has been a blast. As Maid of Honor, I feel it is my duty to get the bride as drunk as possible without getting sick, and I am definitely succeeding… and I am getting just as drunk in the process.

“Okay, Anna, I love you but I think I only have one more shot in me. After that, if I have any more, I’m going into blackout mode.”

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