Page 35 of Walk Off

“In the pool house. We were talking and both yelling and shouting. He wanted me to say the words I’d said to him the day I left him. He pushed me to say them and then he grabbed me and kissed me.”

Zara looked at Hannah. “What did you say to him?”

She shook her head. She couldn’t repeat the words again. “The worst possible thing. But I had to make him hate me so he’d leave. So he’d never contact me. Because I knew, if he ever called me again, I’d cave. I’d hear his voice and confess everything to him, including my love.” Saying those words all those years ago had been hard. Repeating them to him again was even harder.

They weren’t true. So far from it. But she’d needed him to believe them. To believe her.

“I still can’t believe this was your first sex in eight years?” Zara asked.

She shrugged. “Fear of another pregnancy was a big part of that.”

“Shit, I think I’d be afraid of the same thing,” Zara said. “Although, not enough to go without sex for that long.”

“Ignore her,” Hannah said. “How do you feel?”

“Like shit, If I’m being honest, but not because of the sex. Both times, it was great. I might have a lack of experience when it comes to real live men in my bed, but I‘ve watched enough porn to know what I want in bed. Kyle was everything I craved and more. I feel like shit because of all the lies. Because my kid, who I love more than anything, had a dad out there this whole time, and I chose to keep him from her, all because of my own selfish reasons. I’m a bad mom and an even worse person.” She hung her head, wondering how Jasmine or Kyle were ever going to forgive her.

“Stop that,” Zara said. “Yes, you did a bad thing, but you're trying to fix that. We haven’t been friends that long, but I already know that you would never keep Jasmine from Kyle now that he knows. The same goes for Jasmine. If she wanted to see or spend more time with Kyle, you’d move heaven and earth to make that happen.”

“She’s right,” Hannah said. “Stop looking backward and look forward. What can you do now to make this transition better for both of them? How can you make it less painful for everyone involved?”

She lifted her head. “I think the best thing would be for me to stay away when they are together. My presence will only make things worse. Kyle deserves to spend time with Jasmine where I’m not hovering over them and butting in.”

“I’m not sure I agree,” Hannah said. “But if that’s what you think, then that’s what you should do.”

“I think it has to be this way. When I’m near him, all I want to do is touch him or have him touch me.”

“That hasn’t been a problem so far,” Zara said. “It seems to me, he wants to touch you just as much as you want to touch him.”

She shook her head. “No, he hates me and wants to punish me. That’s different.”

“If you say so,” Zara said.

“I’ll make sure someone else is around or takes Jasmine to meet him. That way there is no chance of us ever being alone together.” This was a good plan. She could stay away and he could see his daughter. “Tell me something, anything that doesn't have to do with me and Kyle. I need a distraction.”

Hannah looked at Zara. “Zara turned down a hookup last night.”

Zara glared at Hannah. “Do I go around telling everyone your business?”

“As a matter of fact, yes, you do.”

“Wait, why’d you turn him down?” Zara was all about the one-night stand.

“I just wasn’t feeling it.”

“Bullshit,” Hannah said. “You watched every move he made all night. You were feeling it just fine.”

“Who was it?” Celia asked.

Hannah started to speak but Zara put up a hand to stop her. “His name is Noah Ashe and he’s on Heath’s team.”

“Oh, this gets better. A baseball player.”

“Nothing happened. He asked me to dance and I said no. End of story.”

“Tell her why you said no. Go on,” Hannah prodded.

Zara sighed, but shockingly, answered. “I sort of made a fool out of myself a few years ago, in front of him.”

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