Page 129 of Puppy Love

They shake their head.

“For someone so intelligent, you sure are blind.”

Avery nods his head, and Hayden pats my shoulder gently.

“So, what are you going to do?” they ask, handing me a half-used cup of fry sauce. I dip a thin, floppy fry into it and toss it in my mouth.

“I’m going to tell her.”

forty

Superpowers

Cam

If I could choose any superpower in the world, it would be to never throw up.

“Oh god, I think it’s coming again,” I say, leaning over the miniature garbage can next to me. Dr, Burton looks awkwardly away from the screen, and I retch loudly, gagging but nothing comes out. My eyes water, and I pant, wiping them. He sucks in a breath and clears his throat.

“Cam, if we need to call back later, we can.”

I shake my head.

“No! No, sorry. I’m...” I gag, then swallow. “I’m fine. I really need this appointment.”

Dr. Burton nods, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“Okay,” he says, adjusting his position. “Then take your time.”

I nod, taking a long sip of water before continuing.

“I’m ready.”

Dr. Burton clears his throat, still avoiding eye contact with the screen. He continues.

“The important thing to remember when confessing feelings for someone, no matter the circumstance, is to eliminate expectation. Even though she expressed those feelings for you in the past, after rejection, she could be hurt, or simply have changed her mind.”

I raise an eyebrow at his words, not because they don’t have meaning, but because he knows I hate it when he talks like a doctor and not like a regular person. He chuckles, then relaxes in his seat.

“Okay. You know those sweet proposal videos, where the guy is like, singing Bruno Mars in front of a crowd?”

I nod, knowing exactly what part of my brain cringes when I see them.

“Yeah. And they’re like, at Disney World or something, surrounded by every person she’s ever loved and also a million random people?” I ask.

A smile breaks across his face.

“Exactly.”

I frown.

“If you think that I’m the type of person to do that, I don’t think you should be my therapist.”

He chuckles again. I like when I make Dr. Burton laugh. It makes me feel like I’ve won at therapy. Like I’m his favorite patient.

“I am well aware that isn’t your speed,” he says. “But what I’m getting at is the intensity of the moment. You want Violet to feel like she isn’t trapped. Like she can leave the conversation at any point, and like you aren’t suffocating her with what you want to say. That you’re also giving her a chance to express how she feels.”

Ever since talking to Dr. Burton about what Avery said that day, he’s been very helpful in keeping me self-aware. I think it was an easy thing for him to miss, because I was good at leaving out details that didn’t concern me, or things I didn’t want to talk about. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to focus on all the bad things that could happen, because the truth is, anything could. I of all people know that. You could get crushed by an avalanche. You could accidentally almost hookup with your boss. You could accidentally fall for her.

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