Page 116 of Puppy Love

I hate so much that this happened. Being around Violet was like seeing the world in 3D. Usually, I only ever see the bad. The things to worry about, the awful possibilities. But Violet showed me that The Realm is full of hope too. Sure, terrible things might happen. Terrible things do happen. But good things happen too, and she was one of them.

But that’s gone now. Her confession, the way she talked to me, how clear her belief is that all I am is terrified, proved, I think at least, that all of it has come to an abrupt end.

29“Is this seat taken?”

My gaze flicks up, Cody grinning sheepishly, his large hand hovering over the stool next to me. I shake my head, and he sits down.

“Whiskey, neat,” he says to the bartender. The bartender pours the thick brown liquid into a short glass and sets it in front of us.

“You know Cam,” Cody starts, reaching out his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m really glad you called.”

Goosebumps flood my skin from his touch, the hairs on the back of my neck standing straight. I clear my throat, taking a heavy swig of my drink.

“Thank you for coming,” I say after. He picks up his glass, swirling the liquid around like a tornado inside, before pressing his lips against it, taking a long drink. His eyes lock onto mine, and usually, I’d look away, but not tonight. Not anymore.

“So what is it that you wanted to tell me?” he asks. “It sounded pretty important on the phone.” His tone sounds almost condescending, a haughty smirk tugging at his lips.

This is it. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for, though I hadn’t realized until tonight. This entire time, all I needed was to get this off my chest. I take a deep breath, not letting his gaze go. He’s going to look me in the eye when he hears this.

“You know Cody,” I say, reaching my hand out to him. He grabs it, his smile growing just a little bit wider as he squeezes it. I forgot how rough his hands are, almost like Violet’s, except I don’t find his charming. I find them repulsive. “I just wanted to say…”

He nods for me to continue, his eyes beaming in the warm lights.

In. Hold. Out.

“I just wanted to say, fuck you.”

Along with my hand, the arrogant grin on his face drops, his jaw going slack. All the light that had just illuminated his eyes drains out, his cheeks growing pale.

Cody’s cheeks don’t grow pale. They only ever get red. But here they are, right in front of me, white as the snow falling outside. I say it again:

“Fuck you. You took advantage of me. You knew I was vulnerable. You knew I had just been through unimaginable trauma, and you acted like you were there for me. And then, when you had me in your grip, when I finally trusted you, you made me believe that my life couldn’t exist without you.”

Cody tries to speak, but I don’t even bother pretending I care. I don’t let him interrupt me. I don’t let him explain.

“You called the only piece I had of my dad left 'shit'. You tried to isolate me from my friends, from the only people I had left. You cheated on me, then blamed me for a chemical reaction to my medication. You told me that I’d never grow because I was too scared to try. Well guess what?”

I take a sip of my drink, my gaze narrowing onto him. Now, I want him to speak.

“Go on,” I say, gesturing. “Guess.”

Cody blinks harshly, pure shock sewn into every inch of his stupid face. His brows weave together, and he clears his throat.

“You’re not scared anymore?” he asks weakly, his voice almost mouse-like. It’s so jarring to see him this way. I don’t think he’s felt small a day in his life until now.

“No,” I answer. “I’m terrified. But I grew anyway.”

Cody swallows, the cartilage in his throat jerking. Then, he nods slowly.

“Cam, sweetheart,” he says softly, and you’d think his tone was genuine if he was capable of it. “I’m so sorry you feel that way.” His hand reaches to grab mine, but I pull away. “I never wanted to hurt you, but sometimes, I felt like I had no choice. I mean, you were crazy sometimes, panicking about things that didn’t even make sense. You were scared of getting hurt, so I tried to protect you. But I should have done it differently.”

“No.” The word slips out before I have a chance to register it, but as it hangs in the air, I know that it’s the right one. “You can’t guilt-trip your way out of this, Cody. I—”

“Babe, I miss you. I’m not guilt-tripping you, I’m giving you an explanation. If you would just hear a guy out, I think you’d realize that all I ever wanted was to make you happy.”

A maniacal laugh erupts out of me, my fingers squeezing the inner corners of my eyes.

“You literally had sex with someone else in my bed,” I say. “How exactly is that keeping me happy?”

---