Page 106 of Puppy Love

I open it to find only four small white rectangular pills remaining. This is the one. I stare at it for a moment, contemplating.

What classifies as an emergency?

Frozen between my legs, Cam continues gasping for air. I stop thinking about it and pour out two pills in my hand, before reaching for the water bottle sitting on the nightstand. I slide the pills between Cam’s lips, just as Avery had done, and she opens her mouth, taking them inside. Then, I lift the bottle up, positioning the straw between her teeth.

After she finishes drinking, I wrap both arms back around her chest and squeeze. Her hands grab my wrists, and I would much prefer she leave deep bruising crescents on my skin than her own.

I breathe in slowly, like I always do when I’m trying to regain control.

“In. Hold. Out,” I instruct quietly. Cam’s breath shakes as she tries to follow along, her eyes squeezed shut and her fingers sinking further into my skin. “In. Hold. Out.”

Her heart thumps against my forearms, small whistles ring in her breaths as she breathes alongside me.

“It isn’t your fault,” I whisper, following the pattern. Cam’s body relaxes slowly as she continues it, her grip around my wrist loosening. “Good. Good job.”

Her body slowly eases into mine, the rise and fall of her chest steadily decreasing. I loosen the pressure on her chest, but I don’t let go. I lie there, under her, feeling her body against mine, my face still buried into her neck, breathing in.

I press my lips to the back of her head, kissing it.

“You’re okay, darling. You’re okay.”

My eyes flutter open sometime later, the room around me still dark and Cam’s body still resting atop mine. I slide my arm off her, reaching carefully for my phone on the nightstand.

3:07 a.m.

I have about an hour and a half until I need to get to work. I still have to shower and change, and Reese still needs to eat and take his medication. But Cam’s body moves like a wave on top of me, her steady breaths replacing the rapid ones hours prior. I want to stay here forever, her body relaxing into the safety of my arms. I want to stay and protect her from the things that torture her in her sleep.

I wasn’t supposed to stay, I know that. And I probably should have left after she calmed down. But I couldn’t stand the thought of it happening again and me not being here to help her. And to be completely honest, no part of me wanted to leave, even before I realized what was happening.

I never want to sleep again if I’m not sleeping next to Cam. Even though she woke me in a mumbling panic, I’ve never felt so at peace. Nothing compares to this, waking up to her body tangled in mine. Her smooth skin warm against my own, her hair pressed into my face. Everything about it is against that stupid contract, and everything about it makes me want her more. Makes me want her always.

It was an accident, all of it. Meeting her at Monsey’s, telling her about my family, falling asleep next to her. None of it was supposed to happen. But I realize now, watching her dark lashes flutter against her cheeks, my fingertips resting on the skin of her stomach, that intention proves to be worthless when more powerful forces are at play.

The moon doesn’t intend to shine. The snow doesn’t intend to melt. And I had no intention of falling for her. Call it what you will: divine intervention or just a beautiful accident. But whatever happened to make this moment real will forever be appreciated by me.

This is only temporary—I know that to be true. But I would trade a lifetime of memories just for this moment. I slip carefully out from under her, making sure her body seamlessly slides onto the soft plush mattress. The thick white comforter is heavy in my hands as I pull it up and tuck her in.

Dawson hops onto the foot of the bed and curls into a tight ball, his nose pressed against his ribcage. Reese rests his chin on the bed too, but I motion for him to stay put so as to not wake her.

Cam looks at peace, her cheek squished against the pillow and her eyes shut softly. A small spot of drool pools next to her face, her lips parted just slightly. My stomach twists, my throat hardening.

I don’t know how something as perfect as this wasn’t supposed to happen.

A staggered breath slips through my lips, and I lean down. I brush her hair off her forehead and press my lips to it gently.

thirty-three

Secret Santa

Cam

Istare at the little white piece of paper folded in my palm. I don’t need to open it to see the name inside, because the overhead light shines through it, and I can make out a capital “V” marked in pen.

Apparently, Furry Friends plays Secret Santa every year around the holidays. It isn’t a big thing. There’s no grand reveal or huge Christmas party or anything. It’s just a little ten-dollar gift, popped into the locker of the person whose name you drew.

And out of all twelve people, I drew Violet.

I know it should be easy to think of a gift, given how much time we’ve spent together the last few months. But most of that time was spent… not talking. And the things we have talked about? Well, it all just seems like too much. I slide the paper into my pocket, grabbing my coat off the hook.

---