Page 105 of Puppy Love

“I don’t know.”*

thirty-two

Nightmares

Violet

Hayden’s call came in the middle of my walk with Reese. I’ve been sticking around the neighborhood lately, keeping an airhorn tucked in a holster around my waist just in case, so it only took a few minutes to rush back home and throw myself into my car.

Cam had been asleep for twenty minutes by the time I arrived at the Urgent Care. Luckily, her concussion is only grade one, but that was still enough reason for me to stay over for a few hours to keep an eye on her.

A sharp pain jolts through my ribcage, my eyes shooting open.

Shit. Did I fall asleep?

I look around Cam’s room as I gain consciousness, only a small beam of moonlight trickling through the gap in the gray blackout curtains over her window. I must have passed out during the movie we had been watching. Flashes of cookie-cutter white men, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon, flip through my mind.

Another sharp jolt travels through my side, and I wince, sitting up quickly. My blurry eyes focus as they travel downwards. Cam is lying in the bed next to me, her frizzy hair strewn across half her face, her lips swollen, eyebrows furrowed. But “laying” may not be the right word. She’s more flailing, rotating vigorously as small indiscernible murmurs leave her mouth.

Then, another jab. Her elbow digs its way into my thigh this time with force, and I hiss.

“Fuck,” I mumble, rubbing the tender spot. Cam keeps tossing around, her voice growing louder, yet still not saying actual words. At least none I can make out. Her puffy lips part, her brows press together harder.

“Cam,” I whisper, shaking her shoulder softly. Cam doesn’t wake up, but her chest starts to heave faster, her head jolting around in unconscious panic. I shake her again. “Hey, Cam.”

But she still doesn’t wake up. She whimpers actually, sucking in a quiet gasp as her breathing intensifies, her body moving toward panic. It reminds me of that day in the storage closet during her anxiety attack. Inconsolable. Breathless. Scared.

“Cam,” I say again, shaking her harder this time. “Cam wake up. It’s okay. You’re—”

Cam’s eyes shoot open, her lips parting wide as she sucks in a loud gasp and sits. She has this bewildered look on her face, like she doesn’t know where she is. I brush the hair out of her eyes, and Cam’s gaze darts around the room in a frenzy, her chest heaving.

I don’t hesitate any longer. I slide myself behind her, wrapping my arms around her chest, pressing firmly but gently, just like I saw Avery do. I can feel her heartbeat through her ribcage, pounding against the inside like it’s trying to find a way out. I hold her there for a moment, burying my face in the crook of her neck.

“You’re okay,” I whisper. “It’s not your fault. You’re okay. It’s not your fault.”

Cam’s chest heaves against my arms, but I hold them steady. The scent of her sweet mint shampoo wafts into my nose as I lie there. Her hands shake in small fists, and I can only imagine the holes her short nails are digging into her palms. She had help last time. A medication. I’m not sure that it’s a good idea for her to take it, not after getting a concussion only a few hours ago. When I asked the nurse at the Urgent Care if Cam was allowed to, she said only if it was an emergency.

I don’t know if this classifies as an emergency or not. I just know I don’t want her to go through another second of it.

I scan the room for Cam’s blue backpack, the one she brings with her almost everywhere. I don’t see it.

“Where’s your meds?” I ask. But she doesn’t reply. I keep one arm pressed against her chest, then use the free one to dig through the bedside table drawer. There are two orange pill bottles inside.

I grab the first one, the heavier one, reading the label.

Cameron Miller

Prozac - Fluoxetine

Take two (2) 10mg capsules daily before bed.

I open the bottle, teal and white pills filled to the top. It doesn’t look like this has ever been touched, and it doesn’t look like what Avery had given her in the storage closet. I set it down and grab the next one.

Cameron Miller

Xanax - Alprazolam

Take two (2) 2mg tablets as needed for anxiety.

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