Page 87 of The Darkest Parts of Me

“You are?” I ask, feeling the smile fade from my face.

“It’s complicated, but let’s start with the basics first.” I make note of how quickly he wants to change the subject. That can’t be good.

“How long have you been here?” he says, motioning his hands around us.

“Five years.”

Nate’s eyes go wide again. “Five years? What exactly have you been doing for the last five years?”

“Let’s go inside and I’ll explain everything.” I whistle for Shy, and she comes bounding down to us. She warmly greets Nate like she’s known him all her life.

When I open the door to the cabin, Nate gazes around. “This is yours?”

“It is,” I say as I gesture for him to sit at the table.

“I like it,” he says, rubbing Shy’s ears as she sits besides him.

“So let’s just get to it,” I say.

“Okay then. Here we go. What exactly happened after . . . that day?” he asks, a little hesitant.

“I did as you said. I ran. Spent a year floating aimlessly in space,” I say, looking out the window. “Was on the brink of death, then I came to this place. I’ve been on Aetherium for five years. I’ve been living here in Solitude Ridge for four.”

“Aetherium?”

I nod.

Nate furrows his brow. “How did you do it? How are you still doing it? No one suspects anything?” I scoff lightly at all the questions flying from his mouth, but I don’t blame him. “Sorry,” he says with a bashful grin. “It just seems like you fit in here. I kind of expected you to be living as a hermit, or worse.”

“You can tell just from this?” I say jokingly, motioning to myself and the cabin.

“I’m being serious. You look settled somehow,” he says in earnest. It hits me in a way I wasn’t expecting.

“What about you?” I ask.

“Oh, I haven’t been lying low by any means,” he says, chuckling.

I know he doesn’t intend for the comment to hurt me, but I’m riddled with guilt.

Yeah, I’ve been living a good life here, happy and content while God knows what has been happening all this time out there.

And then it slips out, the one thing I’ve longed to convey to him over all these years. “I’m so sorry, Nate. For everything.”

Nate cocks his head to the side, his expression puzzled and sad.

“What are you talking about, Renn?”

Is he really going to make me say it out loud? Spell it out for him with each piece of my broken soul? I guess he is, because he looks at me completely seriously, and he deserves to hear it. I at least owe him that.

I rest my elbows on top of the table, pressing my palms into my eyes. It’s almost too painful to say it out loud, but I find the strength to do it because it’s Nate.

“For destroying our lives. For the crew. They’re dead because of me. Then let’s not forget the planets I handed over willingly.”

Nate looks down at his hands for a moment smiling sadly. “You would make yourself the villain, wouldn’t you?” His joking tone makes me angrier than I want it to.

“What else would you call me when I sacrificed everything—everyone—for what I believed?” I try to keep my voice steady, but even after all this time apart, Nate doesn't hesitate to say exactly what he thinks.

“A hero.”

---