Page 80 of The Darkest Parts of Me

I sigh heavily. This is going so much worse than I thought. I shouldn’t have come. Not only was I losing Maven, but so many friendships. I didn’t think it was going to be this hard.

She scoffs. “That’s what Maven said too.”

“It’s not my call. Maven can tell you as much or as little as she wants to when she’s ready.”

She shakes her head, and there’s nothing short of disappointment on her face. “I don’t even know what to say. I thought you were going to be good for her.” Her words feel like a slap in the face, but I completely deserve them.

“Look, I’m sorry. More sorry than I could ever convey. I just came to say goodbye.”

“You’re leaving Solitude Ridge?” she says, eyes going wide. I nod slowly. “This will truly break her. You know that, right?”

I want to tell her that this is exactly why I didn’t want to get close to Maven in the first place, that she is the only one who could ever truly break me, and now my worst fear has come to life. “I never wanted to hurt her, but this is for the best. It’s better if she hates me.”

Tash shakes her head again, and she gives me a sad smile. “Oh, Renn. Can’t you see why this is a problem? She doesn’t hate you at all. That’s why it hurts so much.”

And God, I know she speaks the truth. Why couldn’t Maven just hate me? Why couldn’t she have just ran? There was empathy and kindness in Mave’s face where I expected fear and hate. I gulp, tears burning my eyes. I run a hand over my face, blowing out a frustrated sigh.

“Can you just tell her I came by? I’ll be gone the day after tomorrow.”

She looks down, pursing her lips for a moment. “Yeah. I’ll let her know.”

“Thank you.”

Tash moves toward the door and steps inside. For a moment, I think she isn’t going to say anything at all, but she turns back toward me, her eyes now shining with tears.

“Goodbye, Renn.”

I part my lips to say something, but she closes the door before I have a chance to say goodbye back.

I swing the ax again and again—sweat trickling down my neck and back, but I welcome the sensation on my skin as the cold air kisses it lightly. Maven will need a good supply for the winter. Plus, I need a distraction to buy me time. In a couple of hours, I will be off this planet. I’ll drop off the firewood, then make a last stop at Grant’s; I’m hoping he will agree to take Shy. As much as I want to take her with me, there’s no way of knowing how her body will react, and then there’s the question of if something happens to me, what would happen to her?

It takes years for a human body to acclimate to the changing of atmospheres. It was a big reason The Space Academy accepted students so young, so that we could be adjusted for space travel. Because it’s been some time since my last ascent, it may not be pleasant, but I’ll adjust eventually.

Just as I’m about to swing the ax down again, something catches in the corner of my eye.

“Hey.”

Maven. Her voice is soft. My breath catches in my chest at the sight of her. For a moment, I think maybe I’m imagining it, but she’s really standing here in front of me. She has on a dark green sweater that makes her midnight hair look even darker, paired with black leggings and boots. The cold air gives her cheeks a pink hue, and those eyes are as blue as ever. She’s a vision, standing against the evergreen trees, and it’s killing me. I just want to run to her, pick her up in my arms, and kiss her over and over again.

“Hey,” I finally say back, setting the ax down softly against a tree.

She smiles for a second before letting her face go serious again. “Tash told me you stopped by. She’s not happy with you, by the way.”

I appreciate her trying to make light of the situation; it helps a little.

“Yeah. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Tasha mad before. It was strange.”

She smiles faintly then bites her lip for a moment before saying, “I didn’t tell her anything.”

I exhale deeply, my breath fogging around me as I take a step away from the pile of wood, flexing the stiffness out of my fingers. She watches my every move intently. “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t tell her anything, or your mom, for that matter.”

She crosses her arms in front of her, shrugging. “It’s not my secret to tell.” Her breath fogs around her too as she speaks.

“I'll be gone soon anyway, so it won’t matter.” Her body jumps slightly at the harsh words. She gazes at me intensely, eyes blazing. I don’t want to say these words, but I have to.

“Then answer me this, Renn.” She takes a few steps closer while my feet stay rooted to the ground. “If it doesn’t matter . . . why did you come to say goodbye?”

She waits patiently for my response, and I know my answer won’t satisfy her no matter how I phrase it. “I had to make sure you were okay before I left.”

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