Page 77 of The Darkest Parts of Me

“Stop!” I scream. I inhale a trembling breath. “You’re right. I don’t know you at all.”

Renn reaches out a hand for me, but then his fingers curl into a fist and he lets it fall to his side. I don’t look at him as I rush over to the bathroom, grab my bag, and walk past him, not saying a single word or giving him a second glance, not knowing if he watches me as I sling my bag over my shoulder and slam the door, leaving him, and my heart, behind.

The drive home was a haze. I don’t remember a single moment of it, or when I went to my bedroom and fell asleep. The only thing my mind seems to remember are Renn’s words as they play over and over again in my dreams.

My name is Aldrenn Anton.

I was captain of the starship Seraphim, and I am from a planet called Earth.

You don’t know the real me.

I can’t be that man, not even for you.

It isn’t until the very real nightmare of running through the forest and fighting for my life comes that I’m startled awake.

It wasn’t a dream, it had all been real.

I’m still wearing the clothes I had put on at Renn’s, and I suddenly feel the urge to rip them off. Anything that reminds me of last night, I want to remove. Once I find my bag, I dig through it to grab my phone. I have two messages waiting for me, one from Tasha and the other from my mom.

Tasha: Mom and I got back into town a few hours ago. Call me when you wake up. Can’t wait to hear about EVERYTHING!

Mom: Hope everything went well at Renn’s last night. Call me when you get a minute. Love you.

I don’t have the energy to try to type a response back. What am I going to tell them? It isn’t like I can skip this topic and think they won’t ask questions. And the thought of lying about the enormous truth that I now know about Renn already feels overwhelming. I’ve never felt more alone in my life, but I won’t allow it to swallow me whole, not now, not after everything that happened. Even if I can’t tell the whole story, if I have to tell them anything, it will be some version of the truth at least, which is that my heart was broken, because at least that part is completely true.

I tap on Tasha’s name, and she answers after the first ring. “Maven! I’ve been dying to hear about last night? Are you still at his house? Did you guys . . . you know?” The excitement in her voice only makes it more difficult to form words. How could things have turned so bad so quickly? “Mave? Are you there?”

I gulp down a sob. “Can you come over?”

“I’m on my way.” I hear the rustling of papers and then the jingle of car keys.

“I don’t even know what to say, but I just need you right now.”

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

I hang up the phone and walk into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I take a couple of long gulps, looking out the window above the kitchen sink. It’s now the early afternoon and the rain is still falling, but softer now, a haze of fog lingering in the air. The clouds are sinking lower on the mountainside, and then it just happens. I slam the glass into the sink, shattering pieces everywhere.

It would make sense to be angry at Renn, and I am, but I’m more frustrated with myself. Because what doesn’t make sense is that he is, in fact, an otherworldly being, but it doesn’t bother me. His explanation for what he is doesn’t matter to me as much as who he is. I believe every single word he spoke when it comes to that part of the story, but he’s lying to himself if he truly thinks that whatever it is between us isn’t real, even if he denies it, I know it isn’t true, especially after everything.

After I raged and screamed, he still reached for me. He thinks he’s protecting me from outside forces, but I never realized, all this time, he believed he needed to protect me from himself. And yet I don’t care, because the only thing I want is him, even if it makes no sense. The want, the need for him overpowers everything else. But isn’t that the way it’s always been with Renn? Not fully understanding why I’m drawn to him? He’s a man of flesh and blood, but unlike any man I’ve ever known. It isn’t a matter of if I believe him, it’s what do I feel for him? I already know the answer the moment the thought comes to me.

I’m in love with him. I’m in love with Renn.

But maybe I loved him too quickly. Maybe I fell for him too hard.

However, I can’t deny all the things that Renn said—he made me feel things that most people wait their whole life to feel just once, and as crazy as it sounds, it doesn’t matter to me if he’s from somewhere on the other side of the galaxy.

How strange.

He is a strange sort of beautiful, equal parts foreign to me and familiar all at once. It was what drew me to him from the first time I saw him. My dark shadow of a heart got that part right from the beginning, it recognized that darkness in him, we’ve both had it branded on us. But what frightens me now is, what’s next? I don’t want to think about him leaving, but I know he will because he thinks he has to. That serious look in his eyes made that perfectly clear. It made me ache in places I didn’t know existed.

I must have been standing at the sink full of shattered glass for more than a few minutes because the next thing I know, I hear Tasha’s car coming up the drive. My body is stiff with sadness and soreness, but I walk over to the front door, pull it open, and step out just as she’s walking up the porch steps. I can’t hold back the sob that escapes me as she moves forward and pulls me into a tight hug.

“Hey, it's okay,” she says, running her hand down my hair. I pull away, and she cups my face in her hands. “What happened?”

I should have probably worked out what I was going to say before I called her, because I’m honestly at a loss for words. “I don’t . . . I don’t know,” I say, barely audible in between my sobs.

“Let’s get inside, okay?”

---