Page 44 of The Darkest Parts of Me

I look for Renn, but I think he may have ended up on another shuttle after helping that blonde woman from earlier get her backpack loaded on the shuttle . . . again. Soon, we pull into Solitude Ridge Adventure Tours, and I try to quickly get off to find Renn, but before I can, I watch him get on his motorbike and speed off in a hurry.

Tasha follows my gaze as the sound of his bike fades down the street.

“Renn leave already?” she asks.

I shrug. “It appears so,” I say, clearly disappointed.

“He probably just wants to see Shy. They haven’t ever been apart for this long as far as I know,” she says.

“Yeah, probably.”

But I still can’t help feeling a little underwhelmed that he left without saying goodbye.

The town of Solitude Ridge was swiftly hit by harsh and unforgiving winds just a couple of weeks after the retreat, officially bringing in the new season. Bright, sunny days were swept away, and the leaves seemed to have fallen from their place holders overnight. Overcast clouds transformed the once colorful and vivid landscape to dark green and gray.

While I enjoyed the warmth and color, the colder times of year are actually my favorite. I feel more at home than ever when the rain falls and snow eventually coats the town. Tourist season has slowed down with most of the resorts now closed, though a couple usually remain open with smaller staff and less amenities. Solitude Ridge is so secluded that we don’t get many people venturing up the snowy mountains for the winter. Being snowed in is a yearly occurrence, with no roads open in or out for a couple of months at a time. Yet another reason why I love this time of year: the town is finally ours again, rather than just a flow of strangers passing in and out.

Most everyone in town has been busy closing up their shops for the season, including Tasha and Mina. During the slow times of the year, the bookshop is open for less hours and is completely closed for a few weeks when Tasha and her mom go on their annual trip to visit Mina’s parents, who live further south where it’s warmer for their “aged bodies,” as Mina likes to say.

Tasha and I decided to meet up for one last coffee date before she leaves for the road trip. Her worry about my well-being is evident in our conversation, and she isn’t wrong in feeling so. It’s the calm before the storm, likely quite literally in this case.

“You know, you can totally come with us if you want to,” she says, but I give her a scrutinizing look.

“Did my mom put you up to this?”

With a sheepish look, she says, “Maybe, but does it matter? You know you’re welcome to join us either way.”

“I appreciate the offer, but no, thank you. Besides, I like being here this time of year,” I say, taking a generous sip of the earthy mix of coffee that is the daily special today.

“You’ve always loved it, haven’t you?”

I nod cheerfully. “It could inspire me to maybe do some sketching.”

Which wouldn’t be a bad idea since I’m going to be without company for a few weeks. A couple of weeks ago, I might have said otherwise, but the weather wasn’t the only thing that had changed dramatically. Renn had, once again, distanced himself, especially from me, it seemed. I had seen him in town, of course, but we never said more than a few words to each other. I’m not sure what I’d expected once we got back home, but it wasn’t this vague interaction, like nothing had happened.

Surely I’m not that out of practice when it comes to relationships, but maybe the last five years have made me rusty. Even still, there were things I felt with Renn on that mountain that I’ve never felt before. The last person I had been with romantically was Jamie, or at least I thought it was romantic at the time.

Tasha continues to give me some space on the subject, but she can’t help herself from speaking up about it when I spy him across the street. Shy trots next to him, keeping up as he seems to be in a rush to wherever he’s going.

Tash follows my gaze out the window as she says, “He gets really busy this time of year.” Her voice pulls my attention away from him.

My only response is, “Hmmm,” before sipping from my coffee again. I attempt to convince myself that I don’t care, but in reality, I’m maddened that I am, once again, experiencing the unpredictable ups and downs of what Renn wants or doesn’t want when it comes to our relationship.

“So, nothing’s happened since the retreat?” Tasha hesitantly asks. I peer back out to the street to find Renn gone just as quickly as he appeared. I sigh heavily.

“It’s fine. It doesn’t bother me.” She raises her eyebrows skeptically. “I swear. The only thing bothering me is the fact that my mind is playing tricks on me, making me think my hair still smells like campfire,” I say flatly.

Tasha covers her mouth with the back of her hand to keep her giggle to herself. “Oh, yeah, you’re not at all bothered about Renn,” she says with a wink.

I roll my eyes then stick my tongue out. I begin to tap my fingers loudly against my cup, anxious and annoyed until I can’t keep it in any longer. “Okay, but seriously, what the hell?”

Tasha’s mouth is in a tight line, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s just Renn being Renn.”

I don’t want to accept that as an answer.

“But you said that he had never, you know . . . acted that way before.”

Tasha’s look of pity pains my stomach with embarrassment. “I know, and it was different, but I guess he’s back to his usual nice-but-distant self.” I stare into my coffee, taking in her words for a minute. “I’m sorry,” she adds gently when I say nothing.

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