Page 38 of The Darkest Parts of Me

“Surely I haven’t been hiding it that well,” I say, looking at my hands, locking my fingers together. I feel her eyes on me, but she still doesn’t say anything. I take a deep breath before looking back at her. “I came on this retreat to be close to you, Maven.”

I lick my bottom lip as she shyly grins at me. “Then you should know how happy I was when you showed up. Even though it made me nervous, I felt safe knowing you would be here.”

My body instantly relaxes a bit.

“Why were you nervous?”

She hesitates for a moment. “I’m always nervous around you, Renn.” She blushes and looks up to the sky, biting her bottom lip. Heat rushes through me at the sight, and I can’t help but smile wider. She turns to see my smirk and hits me lightly on the arm. “Don’t look smug!” she says, laughing, and I only laugh back.

“You don’t need to be nervous around me. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”

She rolls her eyes.

“What?”

“You would have to be blind if you don’t see the effect you have on people.” I can’t help but chuckle, and she hits my arm playfully again. “Renn!”

“Okay, fine. Yes, to an extent. But you have an effect on people too, and I know I haven’t been hiding the effect you have on me.” I can see her cheeks blush even in the lantern light.

“Okay, fine. Yes, to an extent,” she says, using my words. “I can tell you like me. There, I said it.”

“Thank you!” I say loudly, and we both chuckle.

Maven’s laugh is infectious, and just like the first time I heard it, I can’t help the reaction of my body to the sound of it, the warmth singing through my body.

After a few moments, we both go quiet again. She leans her head back to look up to the night sky once again, but I keep my eyes on her. Her dark hair cascades down her back and shoulders, her neck more exposed the more she leans, taking in the stars above. I see sadness creep into her eyes just as it did on Firefly Night.

“My dad and I loved to stargaze.” Her voice is steady but mournful. “We were always fascinated with space. I guess you could say it was a hobby, in a way. He always had a random fact or two to share. We read books, watched movies. He even bought a little telescope for us one year.” I get the feeling she hasn’t spoken about him with anyone for some time, based on her reverent tone. “It made me feel so small in comparison to everything we could see up there, and it always left me in awe. From our little spot on the ground, with so many stars shining right in front of us, it was almost like we could reach out and touch them.”

I follow her gaze. “And what about now?”

She is quiet for a few beats, then turns to face me again. “Do you think there’s life beyond this world?”

I stop breathing. The question shakes me to my core. I try to keep my face as neutral as possible, my mind racing, thinking about what to say, what to do. This is the second time today she’s caught me completely off guard. Or maybe I’ve been letting my guard down around her without even noticing.

“What do you mean?” My voice sounds off, but I hope she won’t notice. Maven leans back further, placing her hands on the log as she arches her back and rolls out her shoulders. The casualness tells me she meant it as an innocent question. Of course she did.

“There has to be something else out there, right?”

I wish I could tell her how right she is. That I’ve seen things beyond her wildest imagination. I’m compelled to tell her everything, but if I do, she will look at me like I’m crazy and most likely run in the opposite direction. And even if I tell her the truth, how would I go about that exactly?

Yes, Maven. There is life beyond this world. How do I know? Because I’m from another planet.

So, instead, I try to validate her wandering thoughts with a half-truth.

“I think you’re right. I think there is more out there.” I inhale. “Worlds and stars without end.” She doesn't respond, her gaze only intensifying on the sky as she contemplates my words. “I actually know a thing or two about space myself,” I add, ashamed to play it off, but I don’t know what else to do.

“Really? Tell me something about space, Renn.” She swings a leg to the other side of the log, straddling it to face me full on. I try to keep my breath even.

I squint my eyes in thought. “Hmm, let me think.” Maven smiles, waiting patiently. “What do you know about nebulas?”

She shakes her head. Here goes nothing.

“Nebulas are common throughout the galaxy, but they can only illuminate by reflecting off nearby stars. The more starlight they capture, the more colorful they appear. Most reflect shades of blue.”

She ponders this for a moment. “What are they exactly?”

I’m pleased by her curiosity. “They’re remnants of stars that have died, or new stars forming—star dust that is gathered together.”

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