Page 82 of Exile and Embrace

My hand trembles as I raise the wine glass to my lips and take a sip.

The wine does little to chase away my nerves, but it gives me something to do while I try to gather my thoughts.

I put the glass down. “Why did I not know about you?”

Becca wrings her hands together. “I thought about getting in contact with you over the years. I even tried. Every time Jeremiah came back to town, we would talk about the day that I got to be with you again. He said that it would be soon. Soon never came.”

“You let him take me.” My knee bounces up and down. “He wrote in his journals that you were excited to have me, and he didn’t seem to want me.”

“No. He didn’t want to have a baby. He was angry with me for a good portion of the pregnancy. We stayed together while he was in his first year. Our relationship ended after. Nadia made our relationship difficult, even if the two of them didn’t get together until he was in his last year of university.”

That much, I do believe.

My mother is stellar at making lives more difficult. She wants things her way and doesn’t care much for anyone else’s opinion.

My next sip of wine only makes me feel more nauseous. “Why weren’t you there? How were they able to take me from you in the first place?”

Becca runs her hand through her hair, her gaze distant. “I was in a rough spot at that point. Jeremiah told me that he was going to propose to Nadia and that they would be living in Tennessee after they both graduated. He said that he wanted to take you with him for a year. I said no way. I wouldn’t allow it.”

“But it happened.”

She clears her throat, blinking back tears. “It did. You were about two and a half. Your father told me that he had moved in with some friends. Nadia was one of them. He kept promising that he was going to look after you and just wanted a year with you. I agreed, thinking that I would be able to visit. I was barely keeping my head above water, and I knew his family was paying his way.”

She shakes her head and looks down at her hands. “And I liked Nadia. I thought that you would be safe with them. He was always supposed to bring you back to me at the end of that year, but he never did.”

Aunt Courtney reaches out and takes my hand, giving it a hard squeeze.

The edges of my vision dance with the tears I’m holding back. Anger and confusion are at war in my mind, each fighting for dominance.

I take a ragged breath. “When did you realize I was your daughter?”

Guilt flashes across her face. “When I saw you wearing the necklace. I gave that to Jeremiah on the day he took you. He promised me that he would tell you about me. As the years went on, it became clear that he never would, and I had to make a choice.”

My mind is swirling with questions, but before any is formed, Cillian and Finn walk in, laughing about something.

Finn glances over at me, his laughter drying. “Aves, is everything alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

I stare at Becca, rolling my bottom lip into my mouth. The sharp pain from biting down on it keeps me from crying. “I can’t do this. I-I need to go home.”

Aunt Courtney gets to her feet. “Come on, kiddo, I’ll take you.”

Finn shakes his head. “No. I’ve got this.”

I look at all of them as I get to my feet and back toward the door. “I-I need to be on my own right now. This entire day has been a lot to process, and I just need some time. It’s all too much.”

Before Finn can argue with me, I spin on my heel and take off.

I hurry down the front steps, my heart hammering in my chest.

Finn calls for me, but his words are muffled as if he’s shouting at me from the end of a long tunnel.

As soon as I’m in the driveway, I head for the road.

I just need to get away for a while. Get some distance.

As my legs start to hurt, running turns to walking.

And I walk.

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