Page 27 of Casino King

“They were on their way to my dance showcase when they were t-boned by a tractor trailer who ran a red light. It was pouring out and he couldn’t stop in time. He slid right out into the intersection.” I blink away the stinging in the backs of my eyes and clear my suddenly tight throat. “My brother took care of me then. He never made me feel like a burden, and he worked three jobs to make sure I could keep dancing. But when I was eighteen, he was…” I wipe away a stray tear that escaped, and take a long drink of wine.

“When I was eighteen,” I start again, “we were walking home when he was…” Swallowing hard, the words won’t form, and I can’t stop the flood of built up emotions bubbling to the surface. I’ve kept James’s memory, and everything that happened that day buried so deep, that I’ve yet to deal with them. I can’t.

“I’ll be right back,” I say in rush, grabbing my purse and standing. But with no idea where the bathroom is, I just walk straight out of the restaurant and into the crowd of people walking around.

I get bumped around as I blindly walk in a trance with no idea where I’m going.

“Tessa,” Alec’s angry voice growls from behind me as his hand grips my upper arm to stop me. “Where the fuck are you going?” Spinning me around to face him, Alec walks me over to the wall and pins me against it, shielding me from everyone around us.

“I needed air. I needed…” I try and focus on Alec’s face, but it starts to blur with the tears gathering in my eyes. “I don’t know,” I whisper.

“You can’t just walk away like that.”

“I…I’m sorry,” is all I can say. He places his hand under my chin and I blink away the tears, taking a deep breath to try and gather myself again. “I don’t talk about James.”

“Let’s get out of here.” Tucking me against his side, Alec walks us back to his private elevator. If he weren’t there to hold me up, I don’t think I’d be standing right now.

“Look at me, Tessa,” he demands when the elevator doors close, sealing us in the quiet for the long ride up. “Focus on me.”

I do as he says, my eyes taking in every inch of his handsome face. I memorize every feature. The strong set of his jaw that’s covered in the light shadow of a beard. His cheekbones that sit just high enough to make them look like they were carved from the clay of God. My eyes move up the length of his straight nose that leads to dark eyebrows that frame his dark eyes that are rimmed in impossibly thick, black lashes that shouldn’t be so masculine on a man, but are. And when I take in his eyes, I’m struck with the immediate feeling of safety.

This close to him, I see his eyes are actually a deep brown like dark chocolate and not black like I thought. Around his pupils is a thin ring of honey brown like a halo that once was, but has slowly been strangled out, with the dark always winning.

We breathe together. In and out. Until I finally feel like I have control over myself again.

“Better?”

“Yes.” I nod. “Thank you. I’m sorry for–”

“I don’t want your apology, bella. I want you to be real with me. Always.”

“I’ve never…I mean I don’t…” I trail off, not wanting to admit that I haven’t had anyone in a long time to share my life with. And never on an intimate level like he wants from me.

I don’t know how to be with a man. I don’t know how to share my thoughts. I don’t know how to express how I feel so easily like other women.

I’ve never done it before. Any of this.

I don’t let people in because that means they’ll just leave, or be forced to leave. Taken away.

I’m also scared of who I’ll become if I give any part of myself to Alec, let alone the deepest parts of me that have never seen the light of day.

“You’ve never what?” he asks, brushing my hair over my shoulder and running his fingertips down the column of my neck and shoulder.

“What?” I breathe, my mind only focused on his touch on my bare skin.

“Tell me everything, mia bella rosa. Tell me what you’ve never done. Tell me everything you want done to you. I can give you it all, Tessa,” he rasps in my ear, his lips brushing my skin, sending a shiver down my spine. “I want to give you everything. I want you to only need me. Rely on me. Think of me. Crave me. Be consumed with me.”

“Alec,” I moan, leaning into him further, my legs no longer able to hold me up.

“You feel what you do to me?” he asks, pressing his body against mine so I can feel the hard length of him against my stomach. “Just the thought of you. The sound of your voice. You make me harder than I’ve ever been, and I’m going fucking crazy with needing you.”

“Alec,” I moan again.

“But I told you I won’t touch you until you ask. Until you’re ready. Until you beg.”

I would do that, too. I know I would, or rather will. It’s already a foregone conclusion. I’m already begging him in my head.

But tonight, I feel too vulnerable. Too raw.

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