Page 54 of Absolution

The doorbell chimes softly. I throw the journal in a drawer and rush to the door, then I hesitate, terrified. But these are my friends. I’ve known Gayle since I was a teen for God’s sake. I unlock and open and two beautiful women trickle into my hallway, wine bottles in hand, large pots with flowers and plants, bags with cute children’s clothes from expensive stores, chitter-chattering.

Gayle has changed so much I can’t believe it. Gone is the mousy, shy girl. Her hair is jet black, short and spiky, her eyes are sooted, there’s a piercing in her eyebrow and another in a nostril. She’s got a half punk-vibe going on.

Rebecca is as vibrant as ever, and she looks happy, she’s always a ray of sunshine, but there’s something about her, about them both really, that makes me itch to ask what the hell happened because these last two years have transformed them. Maybe it has changed us all?

I didn’t know how much I had missed people. Friends. It just hurts that Chloe has left and I wonder if that’s got anything to do with me. My insides freeze when I realize that she knows secrets she shouldn’t have ever heard about. What if she’s in danger? Or worse?

“We need wine! Lots of wine. You still drink, right? Red or white?” Rebecca holds up two bottles.

“Red,” say Gayle and I with one mouth.

Rebecca laughs, a light, tinkling sound, as she disappears into the kitchen. “I knew I could count on you guys,” she half-shouts over her shoulder.

“So, you’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do, girl.” Gayle turns to me. “And where is this little miracle we’ve heard of?”

“Oh…” I didn’t consider they’d want to meet Cecilia. “She’s with Mom for the night.”

“Kerry! You’re the first of us to have a kid, a very secret kid, and you hide her away?”

My mouth goes dry. In a way she doesn’t know how right she is. Except I can’t hide anymore.

Rebecca comes back and puts a glass of wine in each of our hands and we salute each other. I down more than half the glass in three quick swallows, then I nod toward the dining table, a big heavy oak piece in a rustic style.

“I’m… not hiding her, I just— just wanted it to be us, uninterrupted,” I stutter.

Rebecca aims her glass toward me. “Next time, girl.”

I nod. “I promise.” My heart swells at her words. Next time. There’s gonna be a next time? They want to see me again? I haven’t taken anything for granted. I’ve been the worst friend imaginable. And daughter. And mom.

“Evan’s been asking about you,” says Gayle as we sit.

“Evan?” asks Rebecca. “The slime ball?”

Evan. My ex-husband. The first man who played with my emotions and spat me out a wreck, but that was only for a short while, until I realized what a snake he really is and how lucky I am to have dodged that bullet.

“What did he want?”

“He said he missed you, can you believe it?”

I groan. “I so don’t want to see him. Is he still with that blonde? His secretary?”

“I have no idea,” says Gayle. “My interest in his life and whereabouts is zero.”

“Kerry, girl. Talk to us,” says Rebecca. “You went missing without a word. Chloe said you had to move and that she couldn’t say more. It was kinda hurtful, especially to Gayle. She’s been a mess. Then Chloe went and disappeared too.”

“Yeah, Mom told me. When was that?”

“About a year ago,” says Gayle. “Everything seemed normal, and then she was just gone. She left a note in her apartment, but it just said she was fine, and it was too weird. Something just didn’t add up. Her folks were desperate. It’s been a mess.”

“A… a year?” After I disappeared to Canada. Ice trickles through my veins. No, it has to be a coincidence, why would she—

Christian.

Christian would be looking for me. Christian knew she and I were close.

Nausea rises in me and my head spins. No no no!

“Gotta— bathroom,” I squeak, jump to my feet and rush up the stairs. Throwing open the toilet lid, I empty my stomach of the wine, and the sandwich I had earlier. Sweaty and spent, I fall back, leaning against the bathtub. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, then I smear out my makeup as I try to dry the tears off my cheeks.

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