Page 55 of Absolution

It’s him. Of course it’s him.

A knock on the door makes me flinch and my heart jumps to my throat. “One moment,” I shout. I get to my feet and look at the flushed mess that is my face. Oh fuck.

“Ker?”

“Coming! I just got something in my eye.” I wash my face in ice cold water and then rub it dry as I unlock the door.

Gayle’s wise, light-gray eyes regard me. “Talk to me. What happened to you?”

I study her new face, the unfamiliar jewelry, the dyed hair, before I sink back to the floor and pull up my legs, hugging my knees. “I’m dangerous, Gayle.”

She crouches before me. “What do you mean?”

“There are people in my life who would hurt me if I talk.”

Gayle’s face turns serious. “What? Why? What did you get yourself into?”

“There’s a world out there we aren’t supposed to know about. Ruthless monsters. I met a man, and I thought we had something. He turned out to be someone else. Dangerous. He stalked me. I had to run.”

My friend shakes her head so the black, spiky tresses bounce. “You’re not making sense. Are these not people? Monsters?”

I grip her arm, tight. “They’re mafia,” I whisper, “I tried to, but I can never get out.”

Gayle pales. “Kerry… you’re scaring me.”

“I’m scared too. Day and night.”

“Cecilia,” she says, “is she… his? This man’s?”

I cringe and look at my feet, then I nod, whispering, “Yes.”

Gayle puts her hand over her mouth, widening her eyes. “Oh my God. But you’re back? Are you safe now?”

A half-hysterical laugh escapes me. I hug my knees tighter and rock back and forth, trying to calm my racing heart. “Please, don’t ask more,” I manage to grit out, fighting new tears that threaten to soak my cheeks.

“Can I do something? Anything?”

I look up at my friend, my old friend, and new friend by the looks of it. “Just be my girl again? I thought I’d lost you all, for sure. I’ve been so lonely. I can’t pull you into my shit, but I need you so bad.”

“Of course,” she says and throws her arms around me. “Always.” Then she pulls back, and grabs my shoulder, holding me at arm’s length. “What do we tell Rebecca?”

“Not everything! Not that word I mentioned. She’s a little…”

“Gossip-y?” suggests Gayle.

“Yes!” I laugh. “I was gonna say chatty, but yeah, that.”

“We’ll trim it down to a Rebecca-sized truth. Don’t worry. You wanna come down? Or are you done for the night?”

I get to my feet. “No! Give me wine. I think I got some tequila somewhere. Probably some years old, but—”

“There’s my Kerry!”

The rest of the night is drama free. Between the two of us, we serve Rebecca as much of the truth we think she can handle. We eat and they update me on everything that’s happened in their lives since we last saw each other. I sit opposite Gayle and struggle with the twinges of guilt.

After the main course, and a couple glasses of wine, I’m beginning to relax. Rebecca has found a steady acting gig in a TV-show and has a new boyfriend who snores like a troll and she is seriously considering getting rid of him for that reason only. Gayle offers repeatedly to let ‘the poor man’ sleep in her bed, because apparently he’s an Adonis, and they engage in a lively discussion about what’s hot and what’s not in a man.

Gayle plays bass in a band, and makes us listen to their mix of grunge, punk, and rock on Spotify. It’s not bad, and I promise myself that I’ll listen with a little more focus some other day, because tonight I’m not quite here.

I sit with my mouth open and listen to their chatter. They seem so young. Was I like that once? Before I met a tall, dark man who turned my life upside down.

I feel so old.

When they leave, I’m exhausted, drunk off my ass, and my chest filled with joy.

Until I close the door and tonight’s realization comes rushing back. Christian is somehow behind Chloe’s disappearance.

His black eyes burn in me that night, through sleepless hours, and deep into my dreams. They filled with rage and regret, hope and fear.

I wish I could have asked him.

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