Page 50 of Control

“It doesn’t,” he said to me, his hands finding their way under his chin and appearing to hold his head up. “I helped write almost all the code for the game itself and played a role in the development of our moderator and GM tools and this was not something we thought was possible. You should absolutely not be able to do these things.”

“So it’s a bug then,” I stated, knowing this was the only other explanation. “Maybe it’s just something you all overlooked or something’s not playing nice with something else.”

“We don’t know,” Thaddeus said, finally leaning back in his bench. “It’s one of the reasons why we really want to get you into our offices. We were gonna wait until you were settled into your new home, but since we’re talking about it now I figured I’d just tell you. We want to fly you out to headquarters and run a few tests. If that’s alright with you of course. We want to see what it is that’s happening with you when you sleep and how your mind interfaces with and reacts to the data being sent back and forth. We also want to see your headband and see if there’s something peculiar about it.”

“Sounds sort of like you want me to be your guinea pig,” I said, not terribly excited about being looked over, tested, and possibly probed by a group of people I’d never met.

“We’d like to do it sooner than later,” he said to me, keeping his voice soft as to not seem to eager, but I knew he really wanted me to come in as soon as possible. “We’re not planning on disabling your GM powers because you’ve proven to us that you can be trusted to not abuse them. We do need to get to the bottom of this though.” I sighed and sat back in my bench as he had done in his. After a few seconds of looking at the table, I looked back up to him and nodded my head, somewhat reluctantly agreeing to his proposal.

“Send me the email,” I said as I placed my forearm on top of my head and pressed my lips together, the thought of being looked at as a thing not at all appealing to me. “But the moment you all start talking about me like I’m not sitting there in front of you, I’m leaving. I will not be treated like a some test subject.”

“Agreed,” Thaddeus said.

“And I guess since we’re talking about GM Powers,” I said, redirecting the conversation. “I have to ask. How in the living hell did Four Buttons get access to them?” Thaddeus sighed, knowing I was going to ask this. “As far as I know, GM powers are the only way he could keep us from teleporting away. I get there was a room bug and you mentioned that, but being unable to leave?”

“I mentioned before that he had help,” he said matter-of-factly. “There was a rogue GM that we trusted and he was in cahoots with our would-be murderer and he’s been expelled.”

“Fired?” I asked.

“Fired,” he replied. “And we’re probably gonna sue him for breach of contract. That kind of thing can open us up to lawsuits. Can’t have that here.”

“Maybe I should sue you all,” I said with a straight face. Thaddeus smiled a moment, thinking I was joking but it was soon replaced with intense concern.

“Are you being serious?” he asked me, unsure if I had any intention of actually filing suit which, if I really wanted to, I could. We were, after all, promised a safe environment in which to live out our fantasies and having someone threaten to cut your heart out at knife point is hardly what most would consider safe.

“I have no plans to sue,” I said, my face still stoic. “I know this worries you and it should which is why I brought it up. I know you guys do your best to ensure our safety, but even then you still had a baddie in your midst. I think I’ve proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can trust me with what you’ve bestowed upon me. I do have concerns about some of your crew though.” I dropped my arm from the top of my head and set it back on my lap under the table. “You know…maybe I should let you fly me out there as soon as possible. At this point, I’d really like to get to know who’s pulling the strings behind the scenes besides you.”

“You’re serious,” Thaddeus said, my expression not wavering. He looked down to the table and began to think, about what exactly I’m not sure.

“I’m not going to sue you,” I said which caused him to look back up to me. “The thought never really crossed my mind until now. Just know that this sort of thing…if it happens once, it can happen again. I hope you know I would never do something like that. It’s simply not in my nature. But I really am concerned about the people around you. This GM that you fired, was he close to you? It would seem they’d have to be fairly high up to have you all miss something like what they did.” Thaddeus looked down and frowned, letting out a sigh and nodding.

“He was,” he said to me, looking up to me. “He’s someone that’s been involved with the company for several years. It was…heartbreaking to see what he’d been doing. I’m sorry I let someone like that get close to me.”

“It’s not your fault,” I said, offering him some comfort. “When you bring in new people you often have to take that leap of faith and trust them. It’s not your fault is they turn out to be horrible people. All we can do is chalk it up to another life lesson. You know that though, don’t you.” Thadeus smiled at me wryly and nodded his head. He knew what I was getting at.

“It does still amaze me though,” he said, leaning back once more and leaving his hands on the table, palms down. “After all the stuff you’ve had to deal with in your life, you still let people in. No one would blame you for cutting everyone off, especially men.”

“I choose to see the good side of things,” I said, offering him an explanation. “I know people think I’m an idiot for doing it, but I’m not being naive. It’s a strategy of mine and I feel it’s necessary. Being around people, bringing them into our lives…even when they betray us, it’s a lesson. It’s how I’ve learned to survive through everything.”

“And you have managed that,” he said to me. “After all these years, you still manage to surprise me. You really are a different species compared to the rest of us.” I felt a sadness come over me with those words, as if I’d rediscovered something inside me that I knew to be true, but had pushed deep down into my psyche. I knew what he meant when he said what he did. Through all the trials I’d been through in life, I’d always somehow managed to get through them all alive. Maybe not completely sane, but still breathing.

“You’ve not asked about Reyna,” I said, redirecting him once again. “I have to image you have at least a small interest in her wellbeing.” He looked at me expressionless without saying anything for several seconds. “Maybe not.”

“It’s not like that,” he said, finally breaking his short silence.

“Then what is it like?” I asked. I had a feeling there was something he wasn’t telling me. I didn’t want to push him, but his curtness almost forced me to.

“I really can’t say,” Thaddeus said to me as he looked over to Reyna. She was standing with a large crowd of people, including many of our friends. I didn’t turn my head to follow his eyes, instead holding my eyes on him.

“I know she has secrets,” I said without him prompting me to. He looked back to me with a somewhat surprised look. “I know there are things about her real life that she’s not told me about and I’m alright with that.”

“You have your suspicions,” he said with curiosity.

“I don’t suspect anything really,” I said. “I just know that everyone has their secrets and if they want to hold them close to their chest, that’s their decision. All I can do is let them know that I accept them for who they are. If they choose to tell me, that’s great. If they don’t, that’s also fine.”

“What if that secret would completely change how you look at them?” Thaddeus said to me. I knew what he was getting at, but I wanted to tactfully ask him not to tell me anything more.

“I can’t live my life being suspicious of people all the time,” I said. “I know people who do that and they’re miserable. Always having to dig up dirt on others and always wondering when the other shoe’s going to drop. They spend so much time going through all that crap that they never have as moment to simply stand there and enjoy the sunshine on their face. If and when things go sideways, I’ll deal with that then, but for right now I just want to smile a little and enjoy a few fleeting moments of happiness.”

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