Page 22 of Control

“And why not?” she asked me. She was being completely serious. “Is that not something you’d want to do if given the chance because I know from experience those sorts of things are happening here constantly.” She was being quite serious. “But I’m not even really talking about that. Like, the things I do when I wanted to blow off some steam is I have some friends that know about my kink. Sometimes I’ll call a few of them over and they’ll understand the role play I wanted to do and we just…do it.”

“Do what?” I asked. “What exactly do you do?”

“I have them yell at me and degrade me,” she said, hearkening back to the details of her kink. “And while they do that…I suck them all off.” She was dead serious. “I suck them all off until they climax and once that’s done, it ends. We drop the RP and we all sit and talk about it. Often times we’ll ‘compare notes’ so to speak and see what each of us could have done better.”

“You really do this sort of thing all the time,” I said to her, finally coming to the realization of it all. “This really is a thing you sincerely enjoy.”

“I fully admit I love it,” she said with a confidence that could knock over a building. “I love it and the few people who help me play it out also enjoy parts if not all of it as well. It’s very…cathartic. Like as I’m doing it, I can sort of just let go of all my worries and just focus on what’s in front of me. In this case, several dicks.” She and I both laughed at the obvious joke. “I’m telling you, Ana. There is a certain freedom and catharsis you reach when you just hand yourself over to a fantasy like this. Not only that, but there is a giddiness you feel, almost like an adrenaline or endorphin rush as it’s happening. On the surface you may think ‘Oh my God! I am actually doing this!’ but for some reason it just feels…I don’t know how to really describe it. It’s almost like it’s something you are scared of at first, but once you get into that mindset, you almost want to do it. And then once you are fully taken in by the fantasy, you really do want to do it. That curiosity becomes a want and once you reach that, the physical pleasure you feel is absurdly good.”

“Is that why you’ve come to enjoy it?” I asked. “Does it give you that mental and physical sensation that you seek?”

“Yes,” she said with a straight face. “I’ve done it a few times now and for some reason, it just keeps getting better. And it keeps escalating. At first it was just two white men but then I moved to three and then four. Now I am at five and each time, it just feels better than they last.”

“That sounds so insane,” I said, remarking on the surface level absurdity of this fantasy. “I don’t think I could ever do something like that.”

“You never know until you try,” she said to me, a smirk on her face. “I was scared the first time too, but I don’t regret doing it.” I didn’t know if it was my weakened emotional state or if Reyna had just been making a compelling argument, but for some reason I’d began to let my mind wander and hearing her talk about her fantasy more and more only made my curiosity grow. Could I really ever do something like that under those circumstances? Could I let myself be degraded and talked down to as I perform oral sex or had any sex with someone in that way? Given my past, especially what had happened with my ex, how would I react to such a thing? Could I let it happen to me?

“It sounds so strange to me,” I said to Reyna. “I could never go and do something like that by myself.” In that moment, Reyna purposely locked eyes with me.

“Then don’t do it alone,” she said. I knew what was coming but I wanted to hear her say it. “Do it with me.”

“With you?” I said. “What do you mean?”

“What I mean is you come with me and we’ll try it together.” Reyna went on into further detail, as provocative as they were. “We could do it at my place. I have it all setup for RP so it’s conducive to that sort of thing. I can call up some of my friends whom I trust. They understand me and they know what this does for me. They’re alright with it and I’ll just tell them I’m having you come along with me to see if you like it. I’ll tell them to go easy on you or just to leave you alone while you’re there if you choose to not participate and just watch. And even then if you ever feel uncomfortable, you can leave and I won’t judge you either way. I know this sort of thing isn’t for everyone so I want you to know if you feel it’s not for you, it’s OK to bow out.”

“And you trust these guys?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“They’ve been doing this with me for a few weeks now and they’ve never done wrong by me. Once the RP is going then they go all out, but once it ends, they are the kindest, sweetest guys you could ever meet. I feel like they understand why I like doing it and they’re OK with it so they help out when they can.”

“You really do trust them,” I said. Reyna had still not broken her gaze.

“I do,” she said. “That’s part of why I feel so comfortable doing it. It’s all RP, a fantasy. They may insult me or even slap me during the RP, but I know beyond that that my place and the conditions are safe not only for me but for them. It’s all consensual. We all know if something doesn’t feel right, we can back away from the RP and no one will be angry over it.”

“You really do make it sound sort of enticing,” I said. “You really do trust them.” I couldn’t stop myself from saying this over and over.

“I really do,” Reyna said to me while nodding. “With us, there’s no real danger. There’s no judgment, there’s no ridicule. It’s just us sharing a fantasy and having a good time.” I finally broke my gaze from her as I let the idea slosh around inside my head. “Ana, I’ve never done this with another woman before. It’s just something me and some of my guy friends do. I’ve always been the only woman there. I just think that we’re in kind of a unique situation. We’re both Latina so we know what it’s like to live in this world that can constantly judge us. I know my fantasy may not be something you’re into, but I wanted to offer it to you anyway. You haven’t started laughing at me or calling me stupid or accusing me of being a fake because of this so I feel like I can trust you.”

“You can,” I said as I looked back up to her. “I don’t judge people for the things they like…unless they like murder. Then they can go fuck themselves.” Reyna and I both laughed.

“All I’m saying is this,” she said. “If you think it might be something you’d want to try, you can try it with me there. I’ll look out for you so you’d be safe. No judgment, no ridicule. Just me and you…with a bunch of horny white guys.” Again we laughed, and it all began to feel so natural.

After a little more time talking about it, Reyna and I got up and moved back to the sofa where we had started. We talked more about our lives and the various fantasies we each had that we’d wanted to explore not only in Aurora but also in real life. After letting the idea stew for a time, I asked Reyna if she could set something up so I could at least watch what she liked to do in her fantasy.

Later that same game session, Reyna had managed to get hold of three of her friends who helped her with the fantasy and asked them to come over to her place. They were aware that I was there as a silent observer and that I was not to be touched or spoken to in any demeaning fashion. She made it clear I was off limits and all the men understood. She was doing everything she could to make me feel safe.

Once the RP started, I sat silently in a corner chair while Reyna and her friends played out the fantasy. Countless harsh and often terrible things were said to her, many of them racist. She was slapped multiple times and was “forced” to perform oral sex on all of them in varies states of undress. At times, I felt uncomfortable watching this all play out. I mostly ignored the men and kept my eyes on Reyna as I still felt that I had to make sure she was alright. She did everything she said she’d do and once it ended, each of them looked at each other and smiled. They allowed Reyna to get cleaned up and all of them sat down for a few minutes and talked about it as casually as one would be when having a close friend over for dinner. Through it all, I stayed in my chair in the corner and kept to myself. Reyna was calm and smiling, sitting on her sofa with one of the guys nearby, nude, as I would learn would be one of her most prefer options when she was at home. After some time had passed, they guys all left as if nothing completely insane had just happened. After seeing them all out and closing the door behind them, Reyna turned and walked toward me.

“You alright?” she said unironically. She sat down on the floor beside the chair I was in, still nude and completely at ease. “I’m sorry if that was a little intense but that’s how these sessions go.” I didn’t say anything. For a good 20 seconds, Reyna and I just stared at each other without saying a thing. Neither of us felt the need to look away. Even though she’d gone through what she just did, I couldn’t help but admire her for doing it. In a way, that day, she became my hero. Reyna could tell something was going on in my head as I sat there in the chair, unmoving as I processed all of it. The longer she looked at me the more she felt bringing me to her RP was a mistake not for her, but for me. “Ana…I’m sorry. I so sorry if you felt I pressured you into this. I know sometimes when some people see something shocking they freeze up and can’t move or say anything. My God…I’m so sorry. I have no idea why I thought this might be a good idea for you, given all you’ve been through.”

“Reyna,” I said, interrupting her. She stopped speaking for several seconds as I figured out the best way to say what I felt I needed to say. “If you ever do something like this again and you feel this unfathomable reason to invite me to it…would it be alright if we did it together?”

The following seven days was a complete and utter whirlwind of BDSM mayhem and role play for Reyna and I. Each night I would login and she’d immediately contact me, asking if I were ready for what had become our scheduled role play sessions. As she had done before, she called up her trusted male friends and briefed them on what was to happen. The first time, there was but a single white male friend that came over. Reyna had, prior to starting, asked him to go easy since it was my first time and he did just that, allowing me to feel comfortable while still providing Reyna was a reasonably entertaining session. The entire time she was there with me and participating just as she normally would if she were alone. Even when I was the one pleasuring our male partner, all I could think about was her. I would be there with him inside my mouth, but my eyes were fixed on her and hers were on me. She maintained her character during all of our role play sessions, but I could see beyond that and knew she was there looking out for me and making sure I wasn’t getting overwhelmed or uncomfortable.

Each successive session became increasingly more wild and eventually reached absurdity. The next encounter after my first, she had two male friends over which then turned into 4, and then 6. By the time I knew it, Reyna and I were having sessions where she and I would work over and please over 10 men, each of them being able to use our mouths as they saw fit. After our wildest session, Reyna and I talked more about it all and I mentioned to her my urge to want to do more than just offer them oral sex. After discussing it further, we agreed that I could, if I felt comfortable, offer them more of myself and they could use me at their discretion within our role play fantasy rules set before each encounter. By the very next session and each one after, I was having sex with anywhere between 6 and 10 men each time while Reyna pleasured them all with her mouth. It was frightening and exhilarating and hands down the wildest thing I had ever done in Aurora, let alone real life.

---