Page 19 of Control

“Come on,” she said, lifting me by the arm and guiding me further away behind some parked cars. “You’re OK. We’re here. You’re gonna be OK.” Having noticed what had become a substantial amount of blood which had collected on the white bedsheets on my body, she called on her radio for an ambulance. After a few minutes, the medics arrived and she led me over to them. I could hear her communicating with the other two officers that were handling the situation at the apartment. They were trying to get him to come out without incident.

Will did eventually come out after several minutes, but only after downing an entire bottle of sleeping pills. A 2nd ambulance was called for him and he was loaded up inside it and taken to the hospital. The medics from mine had been looking me over and treating my various wounds. The female police officer by this point had made her way back over to me and began consoling me and asking investigative questions - what happened? Why did he do this? Did I do or say anything to set him off?

“Did he sexually assault you?” the office asked me while holding her notepad and pen in her hands. “Did he force himself on you?” I took a moment to think about all that was happening in that moment and what could happen if I’d told them everything. I thought about how my life would change and how Will’s life would as well should I tell them all that he had done to me. I saw myself getting divorced and a judge sentencing Will to a decade in prison all because he’d become addicted to Xanax. I saw his mother having to visit him in prison for the foreseeable future all because he’d lost control just this one time.

Just this one time….

“No,” I said to the officer while looking at the medics as they treated me. At this point, I was loaded onto the stretcher and strapped in to be taken to a local hospital, namely a different one from where Will was being taken.

“So he didn’t assault you?” she asked. “Not sexually? He just hit you and struck you with the gun?”

“Right,” I said. “He hit me on my back and my arms with the gun and on my face…with his hands.” I lifted my left arm up, the gaping wound that was present now covered in gauze and wrapped. “He bit me and…forced me into the shower. He made me bathe in front of him.”

“Why do you think he did that?” the officer asked. “What do you think he wanted to accomplish with that?”

“He thought I was sleeping around,” I said as my stretcher got slid into the ambulance and secured by the medics.

“Were you?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?” I paused at this and stared at her for some time.

“I’m sure.” She stared back at me sternly, but kindly. Regardless of her kind expression, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pain over the fact that she felt she had to ask me if I was sure I hadn’t been cheating on my husband.

“Ma’am,” she said to me. “Did he sexually assault you?” She was purposely repeating the questions to see if I’d slip up and give her a reason to add to his charges so I did what anyone in my position might do when someone they were in love with held them at gunpoint, beat them and raped them - I lied.

“No,” I said as one of the medics cleared the officer from the ambulance door so they could close it.

I was sitting in the corner of my bedroom when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Once I realized I was being touched, I snapped my head around and came face to face with the woman I’d purchased from the auction. She stood there staring at me, a mass of worry and concern on her face.

“Ana?” she said, her brow furrowed and confused. I didn’t know how long I’d been there or what all had happened while I was spiraling. All I knew was my face and hands were wet with tears and my feet had grown numb from sitting on them. Reyna gently tugged me until my butt was on the floor and off my feet, and sat down with me there in the corner. She used her hands to wipe off my cheeks which were red from stress and wet with tears, taking some of my makeup with each wipe from her thumb.

I didn’t know what to say to her at first. I’d never had such a break down in Aurora before, although I’d had heard and seen things that did soft trigger me at times so I made sure to either avoid them or take a moment to prepare myself for them. Over time I’d gotten to know the more popular rooms around the game world and made sure I was aware of what went on inside them.

“Hey,” Reyna said to me, her hand still on my face. “What just happened?” Her voice was soft, but concerned. I remember looking at her and not looking away for an extended period. She, in turn, looked right back.

“Why?” I finally said to her after not speaking for some time. “Why are you still here?”

“What?” she said to me, somewhat confused.

“I….” My voice trailed off as I thought of what to say to her. “I ruined this for you. I screwed this all up over my….” Again, I was at a loss for words.

“You didn’t screw up anything,” she said back to me. “It’s fine. It’s all fine. Nothing got screwed up.”

“But I did,” I said, my words a jumbled mess at best. “I just…I don’t know why. It just happened. I thought I was fine….”

“You are fine,” Reyna said, trying her best to reassure me even though she really had no idea what had just happened other than I had what probably looked to her as a nervous breakdown. “It’s just me and you here. No one else is around. We’re safe inside you place. Just me and you.”

“Oh, God.” I felt the tears returning to me. “What did I do?” I looked around more and finally realized I’d crawled into a corner just as I’d done that day.

“You got really upset,” Reyna said, her voice still smooth and calm. “We were on the couch and you stood up suddenly and walked over here, came here to this corner and just sat. You were staring at the wall and mumbling something over and over.”

“What?” I said to her, fighting off another crying fit. “What did I say?”

“I’m not sure,” she said. “Something about ‘I watched you change, I watched you change.’ You just kept saying it over and over.” I let out a painful breath as I could feel my chest tighten and hear my heart pounding. My ears were ringing as if I’d just walked out of a live rock concert.

“Christ,” I said, realizing what had happened. I looked down to the floor and wiped my face with my hands. “Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry.”

---