Page 59 of We're One

“I won’t push you away,” I promise. “Space will be good for both of us though. My doctor appointment is in two days at one. You can pick me up here at noon.”

He doesn’t look thrilled, but he gives me a nod. He then walks over to me and leans down. I fight tears as he kisses me on the cheek, stands, and then walks to the door.

“I want to talk more tomorrow, not wait two days.” He doesn’t give me a chance to argue as he exits the apartment. I immediately fall apart, collapsing onto the couch as big fat tears exit my eyes and roll down my cheeks.

Nikki rushes from the bedroom and sits down beside me. She pulls me into her arms as I shake. I’m in love with Zach and I’ll never know if he loves me after this. I have no doubt he’ll love his child, but I want to be loved too.

“It’s okay,” Nikki says. “It’s all going to be okay.” She rubs my back as I cry for the next fifteen minutes. I start to calm down and lean back.

“I know it will be, it just hurts right now,” I say. She hands me some toilet paper. She’s come prepared. I blow my nose and lean back, grateful the tears have finally ended. I never know when they’ll come flying out again. It could literally be in ten seconds.

After a couple of more minutes, Nikki looks at the couch, then back to me. “I know this is a heartbreaking moment and all, but seriously, this couch has got to go. I still have the creeps every time I sit on it.”

Her words take a moment to process, and then I burst out laughing. It feels good. I shake my head at her as I let out a final sniffle. “What would I do without you?”

She smiles at me. “You’ll never have to find out.”

“Well, we should keep the couch forever just so you can be horrified.”

A shudder travels through her body as she looks at the couch in horror. “I think you might do that. You’ll probably put me on it on my dying day.”

“We’ll be on it together.”

We then put on a silly comedy and sit back. Zach thinks we need to figure this all out now, but we have time. We have plenty of time. We’ll work it out. However, I might not love what the final decision will be.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Zach

Leaving Sia’s apartment, I’m feeling too many emotions to process as I make my way down the stairs, out onto the street, and into my vehicle. I’m driving, pointing my car in unknown directions. Hopefully I don’t cause an accident. The weight of our argument presses down on me. I drive until I end up at the beach.

I park, get out, and take a walk along the shore, staring at the waves, and praying the sight, sounds, and smells will calm me. My thoughts are filled with Sia and the time we’ve spent together, both nine years ago, and for these past couple of months. I’ve never felt about another woman the way I feel about Sia, and I’m not willing to lose her. It simply isn’t an option.

I’m in no way ready to become a father, but that doesn’t matter right now, because whether either of us is ready or not, we’re going to be parents. I remember Gramps always telling us that if we wanted to make God laugh, all we had to do was tell him our plans. We don’t always get a choice in the way our lives turn out. One decision can set us on an entirely different path. We can either adapt to this or get run over. I’ve never been a person to get flattened. If something isn’t going the way I want it to, then I shift and make the situation work for me.

I’ll do it again. I smile as waves crash against the shore. I’m going to be a father. Not the way I planned on it happening, but how can I be upset when a beautiful child is going to come into this world, a child made by me and Sia? I hope it’s a little girl who’s the spitting image of her mother. The baby can’t be larger than the size of a peanut right now, and I’m already starting to feel love. Maybe because I love her mother.

I had this same thought in the store. It makes me pause. Do I love her? I think about this as I look at the waves crashing against the land. I really believe I do. I want to be with her at all times. I can’t keep my hands off of her. I’ve bought her a ring. Is it the kind of love that lasts a lifetime? It realist it is. In these moments I miss Gramps the most. He’d know exactly what to say to me. I don’t have him here, but I have my brothers, and we were all raised by the same parents, the same Gramps. They can help me.

I send each of them a text, telling them I need them at the house. I don’t wait for a response. I know they’ll come. I take another moment to look at the soothing sea, then I head back to my car, already feeling calmer. I immediately point the vehicle toward home.

I pull into the driveway and smile when I reach the house. Both Blaze and Callan are already here. They haven’t even gone inside, but are leaning up against Blaze’s tailgate as they wait for me, their faces full of concern. We rarely message saying we need each other. We try to be strong, and it shows vulnerability to tell someone you need help.

“What’s going on, Zach?” Blaze immediately asks as I step from my SUV.

I take in a calming breath and decide to spit it out just like Sia did for me. “Sia’s pregnant.”

Shock is the first thing that shows on both of their faces, and then they grin at me. My heart swells. I knew calling them over was the best thing for me to do. They’ll put a lot more perspective on this than I’ve been able to.

“Congrats, man, that’s amazing,” Callan says as he moves over and claps me hard on the back.

“Damn, we’re going to be uncles,” Blaze says with his own grin. “That’s phenomenal. Of course, I’ll be the favorite.”

“Not going to happen,” Callan says. “I’m always the favorite.”

I laugh, joy filling me. It’s a hell of a lot better than the despair I’ve been feeling. “Let’s head inside,” I say, and they eagerly follow. We move straight to Gramps’s den where we still feel his presence.

“I’m glad you guys are happy for me,” I tell them. “But it’s complicated. Sia’s scared and says she won’t rush into anything because of a baby.”

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