Page 20 of We're One

Nikki grins approvingly. “That’s my girl. Don’t let this man throw you off your game. You’re far too strong for that, stronger than you think you are. I’m glad this happened because it will make you grow stronger in your journey of life. I love you to the moon and back and I never want to see you settle with anyone or anything less than what you fully deserve.”

We’re continuing to talk when a knock sounds at the door. We both go still as my heart skips several beats. I tiptoe to the door and peek out through the hole. Zach’s standing there, looking concerned and a bit anxious. My heart warms that he came back. Even so, I’m in no way ready to speak to him. I need to gather my thoughts together. I shake my head at Nikki as I hold my finger to my lips. She doesn’t budge from the couch as she pretends to zip her lips shut.

“I know you’re in there, Sia,” Zach says. He seems to look straight at me through the peephole. I hold my breath, knowing how thin these walls are. I’m suddenly filled with a sense of horror at knowing if any of my neighbors were home a few hours ago, they surely heard what was going on in my apartment... for the first time since Nikki and I moved in. I’ve heard a few good times in places near us as well. My cheeks flush. I still stay silent.

“Fine, Sia, I’ll give you time to think, but this isn’t over. You aren’t retreating and hiding from me now,” he says. He breathes heavily at the door before he finally sighs, then walks away. I listen as his footsteps echo down the hallway. I exhale a breath I didn’t realize I was holding until it comes out in a rush.

I’m feeling a mixture of sadness and relief that he left. I don’t need the entire apartment floor knowing my business. The need to be with him, to have him hold me is overwhelming. One time again with this man and I’m already his puppet. I’ll break this spell he has over me very soon, I assure myself.

“Are you okay?” Nikki softly asks, gazing at me with concern. I chose the perfect best friend. She always says we chose each other because we’re soul mates.

“I’m good,” I promise her. “In a few days I’ll have all of this under control. I have to avoid him for a bit, then I’ll be stronger and able to be in the room with him again. I have a ton of work to get done on his designs anyway. That will put me back into professional mode once more.”

“You totally have this,” Nikki agrees. “He knocked you down nine years ago, but you lifted yourself up, dusted off the pieces, and now you’re stronger than ever before. There’s no way this will be worse than what it was back then. We’ve both grown so much from those days.”

As always, her words bolster me. I’ll be fine. I’m still not sure our lovemaking was an absolute mistake, because it felt so damn good. But I know it can’t continue to happen or I’ll get involved again. I’ll fall in love again, and that would be a crucial mistake. I’m in control of my feelings and certainly in control of my destiny. I’ll face Zach again, and I’ll have all of these messy emotions firmly locked away.

I force myself to grab my laptop, sit down on the couch next to Nikki, and work the rest of the day while she works right beside me. After a couple of hours, we leave the apartment, walk down to our favorite coffee shop, have some treats and drink too much coffee. We share our ideas with each other and bounce things back and forth. This is what a real relationship looks like. It’s too bad neither of us are gay because we’d live together in perfect harmony. Dang it for the need of a nice penis!

We work, we talk about personal goals, and we share silly gossip that truly lightens the mood and brings me back to a good place, a place where I’m strong, confident, and know where I’m going in life.

We walk home later as the sun begins to set. Seattle has beautiful sunsets, not that we get to see a lot of them living in the heart of the city. Once in a while we head to the ocean where we can see gloriousness in the sky. I love living in the true beauty of the West.

As we get back home, despite a whirlwind of emotions filling me, a sense of resolve forms within me. No one moment of weakness will shape who I am. I’m imperfect, and that’s okay, because perfection is boring. I love my flaws. Instead of cutting myself down, I’ll build myself up.

By the time I climb into bed for the evening, a calm determination settles over me. I’m ready to face whatever comes next, and nothing will stop me from reaching my dreams. I might need to embrace my feelings for Zach. Only then will I be able to accept them and then let them go. I’ll move forward one step at a time. I smile as I fall asleep. Tomorrow is a brand-new beautiful day.

Chapter Ten

Sia

I walk away from Sia’s place feeling a knot of confusion tightening my chest. What did I do wrong? I know I got called away, but I left a note. Maybe I should’ve woken her up and let her know I was leaving. I wonder if she’s thinking about how I left her in Seaville. I know how wrong that was, but in my defense, I was young and foolish. She can’t be holding that over my head nine years later.

I cringe as I think about the fact that I didn’t know who she was when meeting her again. Her name didn’t register. That one she might not forgive me for. I can make it better, though. We made love, and it was beautiful, unlike any other lovemaking I’ve ever done before. Scratch that. With any other woman than Sia, it’s been only sex, not lovemaking. Why is it all called lovemaking when most sex is simply about pleasure? Sure, it’s more than pleasurable with Sia, but it’s so much more as well.

With Sia, everything’s different. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve grown up, I’m older, more mature, or if she’s always been the girl who got away. Sure, it was my decision that let her get away, but still, we were young. We should all be forgiven for choices we make when our blossoming hormones are making us do stupid things.

I never gave much thought to falling in love. To be honest I’ve never believed real love is true. I believe people can mutually benefit each other. I even believe people can be happy together, but falling in love seems to be something only in fairy tales. I was too young to really focus on love when watching my parents or grandparents. Back then I thought kissing and hugging someone was gross. I’ve grown up since then. I want to see where this thing with Sia can lead. I’m certainly not ready to give up.

I get into my vehicle and drive back to the ranch. I’m sure Callan and Zach are still there. We were all making calls and planning dinner later. I was hoping to bring Sia with me. I want her to meet my brothers, want to show her who I really am. It will happen. I need to have patience, something I’ve never been good at. In my defense, I don’t have to wait for very much of anything in my life. Maybe this is good for my ego.

Still, being with Sia is reigniting something within me. I’ll play this out to the end. I’m not sure what that end will be, but I won’t give up. That isn’t genetically written in me. The Callahans never give up.

I arrive home, relieved to see both of my brothers’ vehicles parked in front of the house. I don’t want to be in my home all by myself right now, a strange new emotion for me. I’ve always enjoyed solitude. Then again, I’ve never minded being lost in my own thoughts. Right now, these thoughts are doing nothing but getting me into trouble. I’d rather have some much-needed advice. Both of my brothers look up as I enter the kitchen.

“The girls are taking an Uber here and bringing food,” Blaze says with a smile.

“You can’t be without them for even a few hours?” I mock.

They laugh. “Look who’s talking. You rushed out of here in the middle of an important meeting to go see your woman. By the forlorn look on your face, I’m taking it she didn’t want to come back with you. You are sort of ugly, you know. I get it,” Callan says.

“For one, I’m the best-looking brother of all of us. For two...” I pause. There really isn’t a two. I let out a sigh. “Sia wouldn’t answer the door. I don’t know why she’s upset. It wasn’t like I just disappeared. I left her a note telling her there was a family emergency, and that I’d be back. I wasn’t gone that long.”

Callan chuckles. “No, you weren’t gone that long. Sorry to have gotten you in trouble. Once these women get mad at us, we have no choice but to wait it out. They don’t work on our timetables; we’re on theirs.”

“I should walk away, but I can’t.”

“You were all into her in Seaville, but now it seems so much worse,” Blaze says.

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