Page 100 of From Fling to Ring

“Settle down, girl,” I say.

“I’m getting two orders. That’s all there is to it. That way I won’t have to get up again.”

Gilly and I look at each other and try not to laugh. Petal’s been hooked on gross stadium food since we were old enough to go to boy band concerts. It’s hilarious.

“Can’t wait to see your husband in his skating dress. This is gonna be great,” I say digging into my popcorn. “Hey, did he have to wax his back?”

Gilly snickers and Petal rolls her eyes. “You’re so funny, Lu. Tell me, did you get your asshole bleached before you came back to the States? You know, so you didn’t freak out Tyler when you’re doing it doggie style?”

“Oh God,” Gilly says, scrunching her nose and laughing.

“Maybe I did and maybe I didn’t,” I say, squirming in my seat to emphasize my answer.

“You guys are nasty,” Gilly says, catching her breath.

I move closer to the girls so I can ask a question I’m too embarrassed for anyone else to hear. “Guys. So what is this ‘exhibition game’ thing? Is this a real game or not? And why are they doing this if the regular season is so far off?”

Petal clears her throat and gets ready to explain because, of course, she’s been at this hockey stuff longer than I have. “This exhibition game is against the Aftershocks’ minor league team, which is a team that may or may not feed new members to them. They also do it for the fans. You know, to get people excited. Stuff like that.”

I look at her in disbelief. “Do you and your husband just sit around and talk about hockey shit all day long? You sound like a textbook.”

She lifts her chin proudly. “I may or may not have made the effort to learn about this sport. You could consider doing the same thing since you’re involved with a player.”

Before I can respond, Gilly jumps to her feet, nearly knocking the popcorn out of my hand. “Holy shit. There they are!”

No fucking way. Rake and Jonas and Tyler enter the ice in short dresses and white figure skates. I wasn’t convinced they’d have the balls to follow through.

I love that the three of them agreed to do this together, like a kind of penance.

Laughter roars through the crowd and gets even louder when Rake tries to hold his floofy pink dress down in the back when it blows up, revealing his leotard-covered behind. Jonas yanks on the bodice of his glittery blue number, it looks like because he keeps getting the wedgie from hell. And Tyler is just going with it, even though he has tripped twice over the notches on the front of the figure skating blade, which don’t exist on hockey skates.

I know this because Tyler explained it beforehand.

All three of the guys are comically out of place in the dainty dresses stretched over their broad chests, and their muscular legs in flesh-colored tights. Even their man-sized figure skates look hilarious, they are so huge. While hockey players are graceful for sure, they aren’t figure skating graceful, and the result is absolutely hilarious.

I look around at the delighted crowd, half of whom have their phones out and are recording the spectacle, and I can’t help but wonder what’s going through the guys’ minds at this moment. They are laughing and grimacing, trying some of the turns and spins a real figure skater tried to teach them, but are mostly just stumbling through the moves.

Which is, when it comes down to it, what the audience really wants to see.

Are they sorry they made the bet?

Would they do it again?

Have they learned from this? I know I have.

With an exaggerated swagger, Jonas throws up his arms as he races across the ice like he’s chasing a hockey puck, I guess the only way he really knows how to skate. The skirt of his dress blows up to his hips and the sight of him encased in spandex is one I’ll never forget. Rake, not to be outdone, sneaks up behind him and hip chucks him, sending him flying onto his ass. Tyler just skates circles around the both of them, laughing.

We are all screaming with laughter and I’m so glad all this bullshit has a happy ending, after all.

56

LUCY

“Oh God no. You’re one of those people who wears socks with flip-flops.”

Tyler looks down at his feet, then back and me, completely puzzled. “Why? What’s the big deal? Everyone I know does this.”

“No one I know does. It looks weird and besides, doesn’t it drive you crazy to have your socks all stuffed up between your toes?”

---