Page 46 of When You Smile

“You make my life better,” Charlie said without delay. “I’m more than clear on that portion.” The comment hit Taryn in the chest and spread out, leaving her warm and happy.

“You, too. I mean that.” She gave Charlie’s hand a squeeze before letting go. Not the good-bye she’d have chosen if she’d had her way, but it would have to do. “Don’t think too hard, okay?”

“Tall order. And aren’t you the resident overthinker?”

Taryn turned back. “And I speak from experience when I say it sucks. I much prefer to feel these days.”

“I won’t if you won’t.”

“Deal. Good night, Charlotte Adler.”

“Good night, Taryn Ross.”

Charlie closed the door, and Taryn walked to the parking lot of the apartment complex in shock and awe. Had that really just happened? Had she made out with Charlie in her living room, and had it been the most intoxicating, wonderful experience of her entire life? Why, yes. To all of that. A resounding yes! And though nothing was figured out, squared away, or decided upon, she allowed herself this tiny moment in time to live in the wonder of it all. She wasn’t alone in her feelings, and that felt like a validation she’d very much needed.

Standing alone on the sidewalk, she pulled her camera from her bag, turned it around, and smiled as she clicked blindly on the shutter. It wouldn’t be the cleanest selfie ever shot, but she wanted to remember this moment and the way she felt in it for all time. Because she was Taryn, but she wasn’t. In her place was this new version who now understood what it felt like to be fully alive. She turned in a small clichéd circle, smiled at the twinkling stars above, and made a promise to herself that whatever happened, tonight was more than worth it.

* * *

There was no way around it, this was going to be hard. Charlie sat on the steps that led up to her door and checked her watch. How did you properly disappoint someone you deeply cared about? Charlie didn’t know how she was going to do it. Her nerves were frayed, she was on very little sleep, and her stomach churned, but she had to be honest with Danny about what was happening within her. Was it a sexual awakening? A self-realization or discovery? Or was this just about the intense connection she had with Taryn in particular? She didn’t have the answers, but she had to find them. Was she about to press pause on her assumed future on a whim?

No. That’s not what this was. Her feelings were real. Time had proven them so. It didn’t mean she was any clearer about how to handle all the intricacies of the situation. There were so many plans. Was she supposed to undo them all now? God, what would that even look like?

She placed her face in her hands and closed her eyes, waiting for the universe to shower her with the wisdom she needed to choose the proper path and answer all of these questions. But all she saw in her mind’s eye was the moment she first kissed Taryn playing on a loop that made her so ridiculously happy. If that wasn’t a sign, what was?

“Hey. You okay?”

She popped her head up and blinked. Danny stood in front of her wearing black basketball shorts and a baby-blue Nike Swoosh shirt, which meant he’d likely just come from a pickup game. He wasn’t the most athletic of humans, but he had fun on the court and definitely looked the part.

“Sorry. Yes. I was lost in thought.”

“Since when do you think with your head in your hands? You look like the picture of utter despair.” Leave it to a writer to characterize her struggle. He slid onto the step next to her and didn’t wait for an answer, which was honestly kind of standard. Danny often had a trajectory from which he didn’t deviate. “Hey, Lawson has been getting close with that girl I told you about. Lindsey someone, and we were thinking that we could all get away for a weekend soon. Maybe one of those cabins along Lake Michigan. I’ve narrowed down a few options for you to peruse.”

“I don’t know.”

He frowned. “Are you worried about your schedule at the library? I’m sure if you gave them notice, they’d accommodate.”

“Maybe if it was you. Everyone accommodates you.” He stared at her, and she regretted the statement, which had come with a bite in her tone. Why was she going there? There was no reason to lash out. Yes, Danny had things a little bit easier. He was talented and rich and well-connected. None of that was part of the reason she needed to step back. Focus. Breathe. And explain. She held up a hand. “I’m sorry. I’ve been on edge lately.”

“I’ve noticed.” He shrugged. “So let’s break it down. We can get you back on track. Is it the workload, the writing, the stress of what’s next?”

“All of those things. But Danny, there’s more than that, and I need to be up front with you, hard as that may be.”

“Okay. Then do that. I wouldn’t want you to be anything else.” He scratched a spot above his lip, a sign of his brain at work, which she used to find so endearing. She still did, but now it didn’t feel like hers to appreciate. “I’m listening.”

He took her hand and she let him. “You know my friend, Taryn.” She’d once introduced them in passing at the library. He’d been uninterested at the time, mainly because Taryn had been quiet and seemingly not as impressed as most other people who’d met Danny McHenry.

“The undergrad? Yeah. Cool enough girl.” He squinted as if trying to assemble the pieces ahead of time.

A pause. She didn’t have the perfect words and decided to lead with facts. “We kissed two nights ago.”

“She kissed you?”

“And I kissed her.”

He was still for a moment. “Forgive me if I’m caught off guard.”

“No, I get it.”

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