Page 42 of Return To You

(Grace, offended.) “I’m not a cat lady.”

(Hilarious giggling.) “You so are. Wait ’til I tell coach K.”

(Grace, slightly angry.) “Tell him what? That I have better things to do than go to his barbecue?”

This time it’s Tracy who’s offended. “It’s not his barbecue, swear to god. It was all our idea! I don’t even know if Coach K wants to come. He’s so grumpy anyway.”

“Oh. For real?”

“Yeah, totes. You’re cool and all, but really, we’re hoping to get rid of Coach K early so we can have some fun, if you see whaddimean.”

“Tracy! No! No-no-no! What—okay, you win. I’ll come.”

“Are you sure? You don’t have to.”

What is she doing?

“Um, Tracy, after what you told me? Yeah, I kinda have to come.”

Oh thank Christ.

A couple of hours later, the lake breeze barely tampers the scorching sun. We’re all down to our swimsuits, goofing in the water.

Or most of us are.

Grace is sitting on the beach, still wearing a long summer dress, her arms wrapped around her knees, looking into emptiness. Is she thinking of us? Is her mind’s eye taking her back to what happened between us here?

Or is her soul filled with other, more meaningful memories? She’s had a whole life. I put mine on hold.

A couple of parents show up with the food and the dad starts the barbecue. I come out of the water to help, and as I set foot on the sand, Grace stands and leaves to chat with the mom, who’s walking back to the cars.

Then the parents leave, and it’s just the kids, me, and Grace. But she and I might as well be miles apart. She stands a little to the side. I can feel her observing me, but she averts her gaze every time I seek the connection. She’s friendly with the kids though, open with them. They like her, and the girls seek her company.

It’s just with me that I feel like she built a wall.

Insisting that she come was stupid. What was I hoping for? I just let it go and focus on the kids.

Later, as we’re gathered around the fire pit roasting marshmallows, I feel it’s time for a little wrap up chat.

“Wanna go around and tell me what your main takeaway for the camp was? Just one per person.”

“Trust your teammate in power plays.”

“Strengthen the line chemistry.”

“Improve my endurance.”

“The difference between impulse and instinct.”

“Yeah, I didn’t get that one,” someone interjects.

I pull my marshmallow out of the fire and let it cool. “Impulse leads to mistakes. Instinct is what leads you to avoiding mistakes.”

“But how can you tell the difference?”

That’s a tough one. “Instinct is like your sixth sense. Like that voice telling you something is off, or your hair straightening on the back of your neck when something’s not right. You gotta learn to listen to that. Impulse is action-reaction. We often act on impulse when we’re angry, losing our footing. That’s when we make mistakes. You’ll learn with time. It’s important to listen to yourselves and reflect on your actions often. Look back on why you did what you did and grow from that.”

The group stays silent.

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