Page 8 of Good Enough

There was another brief pause. “Do telemarketers often threaten to chop off appendages if you don’t purchase what they’re selling? Because if they do, I need to look at what lists you’re on.”

She snorted, but she also wasn’t quite sure if he was making a joke or not. “Well, I doubt this is a phone call to ask me on a date, so what can I do for you?” As soon as she finished speaking, she hung her head with a wince.

Shit.

There was yet another pause before he replied, “Did you want it to be?”

“Well, it has been a while.” Kai smacked herself on the forehead.

Way to double down, dumbass!

“I’m sorry to hear you’re short of plus ones. Now I need to know what lists you’re not on.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah. Yet here I am, still dateless.”

Stop! Stop talking! You’re making it worse! Filter that shit!

“Hmm. You know they have apps for that, right?”

“Ick.” She shuddered. “I’m pretty sure each and every one of those people is a serial killer or in training to be a serial killer.”

“I have no experience there to judge.”

“Pfft. Of course not. Looking like you do, I highly doubt you need a dating app. Women probably have an app that finds you.” As soon as she said it, she slapped a hand over her mouth.

Well, open mouth, insert foot up to the knee cap. Time to just lock the trailer door, crawl under the covers, and never come out, even if California falls off the rest of the country and into the ocean. What is the fucking matter with me?

There was extended silence on the other end of the phone this time. She couldn’t even hear breathing. Eventually, he asked, “What would they call it?”

“Wh-what?” Her heart was pounding, the blood rushing to her face.

“The app. What would they call it?”

All she could do was sputter random letter sounds.

“I’m guessing it would have the G.I. Joe logo for its avatar.”

She groaned and cleared her throat. “Shit. I have severe filter issues.”

“You can’t have filter issues if you have no filter.”

“Truth. My mouth runs constantly and nearly always inappropriately. I’m just going to blame it on the fact that I didn’t expect to hear back from you so soon, which makes me worried your boss is saying ‘no,’ which means I’m fucked, so now my self-destruct mechanism is attempting to take control of my universe.”

“Can’t have that now, can we?”

Confused and again unfiltered, Kai asked, “Which one? Can’t have me fucked, or can’t have my self-destruct mechanism taking over my universe?” She lowered her head until her forehead was on the tabletop, softly banging against the surface three times. “Never mind. I’m running away from home. Please pretend I didn’t ask that question.”

She swore she heard a smile in his voice, but it could have been her imagination. “The first one sounds like a tragedy. The second one sounds like one hell of a superhero movie. Can’t wait to hear what your character name would be. So”—he switched topics—“let me guess. Yesterday, what we saw was the ‘irritated’ filter imploding. This must be the ‘nervous’ filter imploding.”

Kai winced. “I didn’t fuck myself, did I?”

“Relax,” he reassured her. “God was amused by it, actually. And I doubt you could offend me.”

“Give me time,” she mumbled.

“Mmm.” Another short dead space came over the phone before he cleared his throat. “I’m calling to let you know that God has given the go-ahead as long as the modifications we’re suggesting are implemented. I was going to forward you the file, but”—there was a slight pause—“he suggested that we meet so that you could ask questions in real time.”

Well, he sounds less than excited about that.

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