Page 27 of Caffeine & Chaos

Dr. Blakely smiled. “We must move in different circles. I am not familiar with him.”

“Okay well, he’s practically famous and...” Nadia bit her lower lip, and spoke under breath, “he’s a billionaire.” Again, she waited for his response.

Dr. Blakely’s face remained neutral as he responded, “Do you feel that his wealth is a motivating factor for your feelings for him?”

Nadia twisted her lips, “What? No. You know my family’s background, I don’t need money.”

“Okay. Why do you feel that information is important?” Dr. Blakely asked.

“It’s one of the reasons he says he needs us to be exclusive. He’s worth a lot of money and has been featured in all the major business magazines. He wants me to accompany him to a high-profile event, where we could be photographed together. He’s worried about another picture of me surfacing with a different man after that.”

“Hmmm.” Dr. Blakely pinched his eyebrows together pensively. “How do you feel about that reasoning?”

Nadia didn’t answer for several seconds as she considered it. “I think it makes sense. He’s in the business of marketing, so reputation matters.” She parroted Ryan’s words, “Once we’re seen together in public, the press will assume that we are together. If I go on to see other men and it somehow gets out, it could be damaging to him.”

“Okay so you feel like his reasoning is sound.” He circled something on his page and continued, “Why did you agree to go along with his request?”

Nadia frowned. “Didn’t I just sort of explain that? It made sense.”

“You explained that you felt his reasons for wanting you to be exclusive were sound, but you didn’t explain why you agreed to it. You could have decided not to go to the event with him at all, thereby negating the need to make the promise of being exclusive.”

How could Nadia convey the tightness in her chest at the mere thought of rejecting Ryan? “I want to be with him,” she said earnestly. “I want to spend as much time as possible with him.”

“Why?”

“Because the thought of being away from him makes me feel like all the air has been sucked out of the room,” Nadia confessed, her voice trembling slightly. “The thought of him being with someone else makes me queasy. I... I feel like I can’t breathe without him.” Her heart raced and her palms grew clammy as she admitted, “I feel like I need him.”

“Do those feelings worry you?”

“I’m terrified,” Nadia admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “What if I allow myself to love him, and it all falls apart?” The floodgates opened, and tears streamed down her cheeks as sobs wracked her body. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she curled into a tight ball, hoping to vanish from the overwhelming emotions.

Dr. Blakely set his clipboard down on the desk and offered Nadia a box of tissues. “That is the ultimate fear when we open our hearts to someone. It is the most vulnerable of positions to be in.” He paused as Nadia took another tissue and struggled to steady her breathing. “This feeling is foreign and frightening, but I think it might represent growth. I want you to be an observer of your feelings over the next little while. Simply try to be in tune with yourself without judgement.”

Nadia knew her time was up whenever the therapist assigned homework. She struggled to grasp the concept of observing her feelings without dissecting them. What was the point of having feelings if not to analyze and comprehend them?

She stood up and dropped her tissues in the trash can before moving towards the door. “Thank-you doctor, I will try to do that.”

Nadia carefully traced the tube of red lipstick along her bottom lip, her hand trembling despite her willing it to stop. Ryan would be there any minute to pick her up for the fundraiser and she wanted to look perfect. Studying her reflection in the bathroom mirror, she admired the elegant updo the stylist had crafted, along with the understated yet refined makeup she had applied. The red lipstick offered just the right amount of sex appeal to her ensemble.

The intercom buzzed, jolting Nadia out of her concentration, and causing her to drop the lipstick into the sink. Ryan had arrived. With a deep breath, she shook out her hands to settle her nerves and forced herself to walk calmly over to the intercom.

Nadia pressed the button, “Hello?”

“Good evening, Miss. Your date has arrived. Should I send him up?”

“No,” Nadia blurted, her voice tinged with urgency. “Please let him know I am on my way down.” She wasn’t mentally prepared for him to be in her apartment. Snatching her clutch from the couch, she quickly stowed her lipstick inside and dashed out the door.

Turning back and forth, Nadia examined her appearance in the mirrors lining the elevator walls. The dress he’d bought her was a remarkable fit and cut for her body. The simple, black, open-toed heels she’d paired it with finished off the elegant look perfectly. She took one deep breath in and watched the light flash on the floors as the elevator descended: six, five, four, three, two, one. She clasped her hands in front of her to hide their shaking just before the doors opened.

Nadia’s breath caught in her throat, her heart skipping a beat as she caught sight of Ryan in the lobby. His presence was as striking as the first light of dawn breaking over the horizon. Dressed impeccably in his tuxedo, he exuded an air of elegance. Their eyes met, and a radiant smile graced his lips as he locked gaze with her.

She stood transfixed, captivated by the sheer magnetism of him. As Ryan approached, Nadia sensed his gaze tracing over her like an intimate touch, igniting a tingling sensation wherever it lingered. With determination, she willed her feet to carry her forward before the elevator doors shut with her trapped inside.

Ryan’s hand glided around her waist, his palm gently resting on the small of her back as he drew her nearer. With his lips brushing against her ear, he murmured, “You look absolutely stunning.” Nadia found herself leaning into his touch, feeling a rush of warmth spread through her. After a moment, Ryan withdrew slightly, extending his arm for her to take.

“The dress you sent me fits beautifully. Thank-you.” She took his arm as they walked towards the exit.

“Yes, it does. It’s a shame that it won’t survive the night.”

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