Page 26 of Caffeine & Chaos

Ryan: I’ve been VERY observant of you. Do you like it?

Nadia: It’s gorgeous, thank-you. I especially love the Spanish flavour of the flamenco trim.

Ryan: I thought you might. I would like you to wear it for the Awards Gala.

Nadia stopped herself from responding right away. What angle should she play? As she was reflecting on their conversation in the cafe earlier that day, she felt like she had lost some ground. She had asked for time, yet he somehow managed to get her to agree to an exclusive relationship. No matter how good she felt in his embrace, she couldn’t relinquish all control to him.

Nadia: Sure, I could wear this. I had something else in mind, but this will work fine.

Nadia gulped air nervously as she waited for his reply. He’d been unabashedly honest with her about his feelings, promising not to play games with her, yet here she was engaging in her own form of manipulation.

Ryan: Very good. I will be by your place to pick you up at 5:30 sharp. I look forward to seeing you.

She’d messed up. Rather than expressing genuine gratitude and excitement about spending an evening with him, she had attempted to be aloof, only for it to backfire. He concluded their exchange in a detached manner, akin to how he might end a business email. Nadia slumped against the kitchen island, staring at her phone in dismay. Now what?

Nadia: I’ll be ready... and willing ;)

It was a pitiful attempt to the recover the situation.

Ten minutes ticked by before Nadia resolved to set her phone down and change. With no reply from him, she realized that sending another message would feel like conceding defeat, so she fiercely resisted the urge to do so.

She’d be with him on Friday. All she had to do was make it until then.

“Back up for a second Nadia,” Dr. Blakely shifted in his seat and leaned forward, “This man made you promise that you would only allow him to touch you intimately?”

“Yeah, I thought... you know, I thought it was just pillow talk. I was lust crazy; I would have said anything.”

Dr. Blakely nodded as he wrote on his notepad. “It sounds like you might want to be cautious with this man. He provoked you to promise something when you were in a vulnerable position. Do you think he could have some emotionally manipulative tendencies?”

“It doesn’t feel that way, Dr. Blakely. Honestly it feels genuine, it feels like he wants me just for himself because he likes me.” For the first time in any session, with any therapist, Nadia slid down on the couch into a laying position.

“That could be, but it wouldn’t hurt to be on the lookout for any other controlling behaviours.” Dr. Blakely paused before he continued, “has he asked you to make any other commitments to him?”

Nadia hesitated, torn about whether to disclose his request at the café. She was wary of giving him the wrong impression of Ryan. “Well... Yeah, I guess so. We were talking in the cafe the other day and I told him I wanted more time, but then somehow through the course of our conversation I ended up agreeing to be exclusive with him.”

“It sounds like you aren’t totally confident that was something you wanted. How did he manage to get you to agree to that?”

Nadia rubbed her temples, struggling to find the words to describe the encounter. How could she convey the irresistible pull he had on her? He felt as unavoidable as the laws of physics; she couldn’t escape him even if she wanted to. “I’m not sure,” she muttered, frustration evident in her tone.

“I strongly encourage you to take inventory of how you’re feeling right now. You appear to be under a great deal of stress. Is it possible this man is not an emotionally healthy choice for you?” Dr. Blakely asked.

Nadia’s reaction to Dr. Blakely’s statement was visceral. Ryan not good for her? He was the best damn thing to happen to her in ages. Sitting up abruptly, she pointed at him. “You’re wrong, Dr. Blakely. I’ve never been more self-aware. Ryan has made me believe in the possibility of loving someone.”

As her words spilled out, Nadia’s hand flew to her mouth in surprise. Love someone? She hadn’t intended to say that, but there it was, lying on the table like a dead fish, staring back at her, unexpected and undeniable.

Dr. Blakely took his glasses off and looked at her. “Are you in love with him?”

“No. I don’t know. I don’t think so, but maybe I could be. Maybe I could love him.” Nadia scowled as Dr. Blakely furiously wrote something down. What were they always writing?

“Tell me more about this man.”

Nadia sucked in a huge breath. She had been avoiding telling Dr. Blakely too much about Ryan. Something about saying ‘by the way he’s a billionaire’ seemed flaky.

“He is Ryan McKellen. The founder and CEO of System Seven Marketing.” Nadia waited for his response.

“Okay, so he is a businessman. What else?”

Nadia realized he didn’t recognize the name. “Doc, he’s the Ryan McKellen. Isn’t he, like, Miami royalty? Don’t you know who that is?”

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