Page 109 of Unleashing Chaos

“I’m glad you didn’t see me as a fool,” I murmur, nuzzling into his chest. “I respect you more than anyone in this realm or any other.”

“Your people are lucky to have you. I would have gladly bowed to you as my queen.”

“I would have happily stood by your side with you as my king,” I whisper so quietly I’m not sure I said the words at all.

Jace stills under me and lets out a long, slow breath. I wait to see if he responds but the room remains silent. It feels like hours pass at a painful crawl. The room is too quiet and the darkness too deep to even pick up a shadow of him. I listen for even breaths or the sound of a snore, but I can’t find any clue that he’s dozed off. The tears well in my eyes and a sob builds in my chest. It burns, but I push it down.

“I’ll regret letting you go for the rest of my life,” he finally says, his voice hoarse with emotion.

Then come with me! The voice in my head is wailing, fighting to break free, but I won’t beg him. I refuse. He has his reasons. And I have my dignity.

“And I’ll feel the void you’ll leave in my heart for eternity,” I murmur, shifting on top of him, and even in the pitch dark, our mouths find each other like they’re magnetized.

I put my all into that single kiss, knowing it’s the countdown to our last. We stay suspended in that moment, speaking in whispers, stealing kisses, and touching our fill. It isn’t until the dreaded sun beams through the window and the alarm shrieks that our time together officially comes to a heart-shattering end.

We retreat into silence as we get ready for the day ahead—the day that begins the rest of our lives without the other in it. The task of dressing is exhausting, and I can’t so much as stomach a cup of tea. Jace carries my bags to the car my father sent for me. I hate the thought of driving away by myself. If only Cannon were here to help distract me from what’s going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but he left sometime yesterday, needing to tie up all his loose ends in this realm.

Jace leans against the counter, watching me arrange the last of my personal items into my oversized purse. His stormy eyes follow my every movement, and his jaw is clenched, like he’s holding out on saying our final goodbye. I toss my purse over my shoulder and stand on the other side of the kitchen island.

“Are you sure you got everything?” Jace asks.

No. No, I don’t have everything. I’m leaving half of my heart behind with the person who would make the perfect eternal partner.

I force a smile and say, “I think so.”

He walks around the island and stands in front of me, placing his hands on my cheeks. “Will you ever be able to come back and visit?” His tone tells me it’s a question he’s been dying to ask but was too scared to do so.

I draw my bottom lip between my teeth. “Not for longer than a couple of hours or so. As queen I’ll be expected to be in my Circle almost all the time. The only reason my brothers were allowed to come up like they did was because they were dealing with me, and they haven’t taken full control yet.” Cocking my head to the side, I say, “And don’t you think it would make it harder? To see each other again for a short amount of time? Would you even want to?”

“I—” He clamps his lips shut and gives a curt nod. “You’re right. It would be too hard.”

I don’t know what I expected him to say, but my belly clenches at his response. I push past the roiling in my stomach and say, “I mean, to go through this again sounds like hell.” A tear slides down my cheek.

He wipes it away and pulls me into his arms. “Yeah.”

On a deep inhale, he buries his face in the crook of my neck. His hold is so tight that I fight for my next breath, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I hope he holds me hostage and never lets me leave. But of course, he eventually has to let me go.

When we separate, I swear his eyes are misty, but when he blinks, they’re back to their normal gloomy hue. I sigh and say, “I have to go. Walk me outside?”

He just nods and intertwines our fingers, leading us out the door and onto the sidewalk to where the car and driver wait for me. The driver opens the door, and I toss my purse onto the backseat, turning back to Jace.

Cupping his cheek in my hand, I bring my mouth to his and press a gentle kiss to his lips.

“Jace,” I whisper against his skin. “I have one wish for you. I hope that one day you feel safe enough to open your heart and allow yourself to take a risk and let someone adore you the way you deserve. I want you to fall so deeply in love that you wonder how you ever went so long without it.”

Saying these words hurts me to the depths of my soul because that’s how I feel about him.

That’s how I want him to feel about me.

But he can’t right now. And I understand that. But one day, I want that for him. Even if it can’t be with me.

He nods and tucks a curl behind my ear.

I can see it in his eyes; he doesn’t believe he’ll ever know a love like the one I want for him. It breaks my heart to think this man, who has so much to give, will never open himself up.

“I want the same for you. Cannon is a good man, and he’ll be what you need. Don’t give up on him and let the passion that smolders inside you burn out. That passion is powerful and transforming, Desideria.”

You’re what I need.

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