Page 41 of Captive Heart

"No, I had a girlfriend who wanted the same."

"What happened?" Melody asked tentatively.

Micah shrugged. "She left me," he replied bluntly, the words sticking in his throat. "She felt I couldn't give her what she wanted so she found someone whom she thought would."

"Is she happy now?" Melody asked shyly, curious, her forehead wrinkling as her eyes widened in what…disbelief? Disbelief that Sara had left him without trying to compromise? Or disbelief that he hadn't wanted what Sara had offered, the same thing she had offered?

"No," Micah bit out, withdrawing his hands and looking away. "She's dead."

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Micah acknowledged Melody's sharply indrawn breath, but she still took him by surprise as she launched herself on him, feathering desperate kisses to his neck and face, murmuring her sympathy and condolences before she pressed tightly against him. Her dainty, unfettered breasts mashed against his chest and her arms tightened fiercely around his neck while he listened to her heaving breath right next to his ear.

Instinct had him closing his own arms around her, holding her tight and closing his eyes. Accepting the gift of consolation she gave freely as she tried to comfort him and pour her own brand of solace onto his tortured soul. Nevertheless, he still had to work to ignore the effect her spontaneous affection had on his rapidly hardening cock.

Hell, maybe he was hungry for affection himself, after the stress of having to deal with the gradual retraction of Sara's emotional warmth and love as she'd tried to manipulate him into yielding to her demands by withdrawing the things he treasured most. Never mind his own subsequent withdrawal from relationships altogether in the aftermath of what had become bitter and adversarial, no matter how many times he'd begged her to take his own feelings into consideration.

Even his fuck buddy relationship with Trinity had been rather clinical. Each of them scratching the occasional itch with a strict, no strings philosophy while they each nursed their own bruised emotions and stoically refused to move past them.

"We're getting off track," he finally chided with a lopsided smile to soften the rebuke. "This was supposed to be about you."

Melody eased her hold and sat back on her haunches, still straddling his knee. The gentle curve of her buttocks slid against the rock-hard erection he was now sporting, in a way she surely couldn't miss. Well, he thought ruefully, he guessed that answered her other question.

"There's no point in trying to deny that I find you desirable," he conceded, under the considerable proof of its evidence.

Holding her waist lightly, he leaned his head back against the seat while he stared at the ceiling, trying to get his unruly dick back under control before he freaked the poor girl out.

"But you won't let me take care of you," Melody stated in obvious confusion as she adjusted her body more comfortably against his, rocking softly against him in the process and causing Micah to grit his teeth.

"Melody, sweetheart. You are not a vessel for me to pick up and use when the mood takes me, only to be put aside afterward." A sliver of something that felt remarkably close to guilt slithered down his spine as it occurred to him that the very scenario he was opposing with Melody was one which, for all intents and purposes, was exactly the kind of relationship he had shared with Trinity.

God damn it! It’s not the same, he told himself fiercely. Trinity had offered herself freely to that relationship.

So did Melody, that contrary little voice inside his head insisted.

Still not the same; those had been as much Trinity's terms as his. Neither of them had wanted involvement.

Jesus, lay off! Micah told his irritating conscience.

Trinity was happily committed now, but for a little while, they had both eased the loneliness for each other. There was nothing for him to be ashamed of in that relationship. They were both adults and they had both known exactly what they were doing.

And that, Micah realised with a mental sigh of relief, was exactly why it was different from the situation he found himself in with Melody. He and Trinity had formed a mutually symbiotic non-relationship that suited each of their emotional circumstances.

Melody, on the other hand, was simply reacting in the only way she knew how… and that was to align herself as a slave, whose job it was to serve, regardless of her own needs.

What Micah needed to do right now, was work out exactly what Melody's needs were so he could make sure she started to look to herself for her own fulfilment rather than always feeling obligated to serve someone else's. The very last thing he wanted was to have her heal physically but not to have dealt with the emotional processes which caused her to think the way she currently did. The only thing that would achieve, would be to drive her into the arms of yet another man who would take advantage of the things Melody felt she was required to give, rather than focusing on the mutual benefits she might receive from a relationship.

And that was exactly why he needed to keep his own damn libido under control, so that he didn't find himself guilty of taking advantage of the things she offered, unthinkingly, to him, the very things he was trying to protect her from.

He wrenched his mind back on track. "You're worth more than that," he told her insistently. "What you need to think about, what I want you to think about, is what you want for yourself.”

He cupped her face in his hands once more, pinning her with his gaze and willing her to understand. "I will help you with anything that is within my power to provide, Melody." His voice took on a new urgency with the next words he spoke. "But it has got to be something that you need for yourself. Not something I want. Not something you think I want. Not something you feel you need to do for me or for anyone else.

Only something that is just for you! Understand?"

Melody nodded mutely, her eyes huge and hopeful, and Micah felt a surge of optimism that she’d understood and was ready to demand something for herself.

She opened her mouth, then closed it again, looking away, but not before he had seen the look of uncertainty wavering in her eyes. As if she desperately wanted something but dare not ask.

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