Page 42 of Captive Heart

Anticipation thrummed that there was something, anything, one single thing she would ask for and he could give her to break the negative, detrimental cycle she was in and place her firmly on the road to putting herself first. She just needed a little coaxing.

"Look at me, Melody," he demanded, waiting patiently until she turned her uncertain eyes to his once more. "You thought of something then…" It was a statement not a question. "Was it something you want, something you need?" he coaxed.

She didn't turn her head away, but her lips thinned, and she kept her eyes downcast, giving just a rapid, single nod in confirmation.

"Is it something I can help with?"

She didn't reply for what seemed like forever, but more worrying was the way she seemed to shrink and withdraw right in front of his eyes.

"Melody?" he queried urgently.

He couldn't let this go. He couldn't allow her to retreat and deny herself whatever it was that had fleetingly flashed across her mind. It was imperative for her psychological wellbeing that she embrace that thought, that need, and see it through to completion. To prove to herself she was allowed to acknowledge her own cravings and have those needs met wherever it was feasibly possible.

She needed to understand she was worthy in her own right and had control over her own destiny.

He couldn't back down now. That would only reinforce her belief that she was worthless and unentitled and do even more damage to an already damaged self-worth.

"Is it something I can help with?" Micah reiterated insistently.

This time, there was the briefest shrug of a single shoulder, and she was still stoic in her refusal to look at him.

"Tell me!" he demanded in his best Dom voice, hoping she would at least respond to the authority. It was a contradictory move, since he was trying to push her into being more independent, but if it worked…well, all she needed to do was to take that first step. That would always be the most difficult. And Micah would use whatever means he could to coax her into a little bit of self-belief.

"I need to be punished," she said in a tiny voice.

Micah did his best not to recoil.

Damn it all! He’d thought he was getting through to her. Thought she was beginning to understand and accept that this didn't need to be the way. He clenched his jaw, willing away the frustration and the disappointment he didn't want her picking up on.

"Melody," he cajoled softly instead, lifting her chin with a single finger crooked under her chin. "I thought you understood that what happened to you before was abuse. There won't be any more beatings or neglect."

A single tear slowly trickled down her cheek, more welling in her tragic eyes as she finally raised them to look at him. Her lip trembled as the tear found its way to the corner of her mouth.

"You don't understand!" she accused with heart-breaking despair. "How can I let go of the guilt I feel at taking what wasn't mine, of stealing things from those people, if no one disciplines me for it? You might say you will make it right for them, but who is going to make it right with me?"

Another tear welled and escaped, mirroring the first as Micah sat looking at her in what surely must be shock and a sudden, uncomfortable comprehension as he realised he'd made a colossal mistake.

He'd allowed his emotional involvement to cloud his professional judgement to the extent that he'd been unable to see what was staring him blatantly in the face.

There was a reason why psychologists were prohibited from practising on friends or relatives, and this was it. You simply got too close to the situation to be able to see it clearly.

He'd been so busy trying to protect Melody from what he had perceived as the manipulated mind-set that she was nothing more than a slave, he had overlooked the strong possibility that she was inherently submissive and undoubtedly slightly masochistic.

She craved discipline as part of this lifestyle. Not because it had been beaten into her that this was all she was allowed, but because she needed it for herself in her own right.

In fact, Melody's perception was blessedly one dimensional.

She had been a slave, and despite being a brute, V had been her master, so it was her place to obey him and be punished if she failed. Nothing more, nothing less.

Insisting that she acknowledge what had occurred as something far more cruel and ominous was a grave mistake, one which could cause even more damage to her psyche. Because, while she viewed it as part and parcel of a specific dynamic, even one she had been forced to endure, it also meant she had the mental ability to put it behind her far more quickly than she would if she did view it as abuse.

This way, it was simply something that had happened within a single aspect of her life, one which was now over. As such, Melody could put it behind her… whereas the psychology of abuse would follow her for the rest of her life.

God, what an idiot he had been! He'd been close to letting her down, just the way he'd let Sara down.

But maybe even more disturbing was the fact that he’d promised in no uncertain terms that he would provide whatever she needed if it were within his power to do so.

Micah understood the psychology of the BDSM lifestyle better than anyone. He’d done detailed investigations into and analysis of the D/s dynamic and the unique balance of the power exchange.

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