One of the burly men gave Jenna a knowing smile as we approached, like she was a regular or something, and with a nod to his colleagues, they parted and let us through.
The music inside the club was pumping out, loud and pulsing, the tune filled with beat and energy, making me feel alive in this moment, this place. Bright lights flashed in time with the beat, painting the dance floor with vibrant colors. It was all so different, so breathtakingly beautiful, and I squeezed Jenna’s arm, grateful to have her at my side.
Grabbing hold of my hand, she led me through the crowd. We made our way, dodging through and past people, till we reached our friends. They greeted us with cheers, their volume increasing when they saw me, obviously surprised I’d come out.
Judith jumped up, throwing her arms around me. “You came!”
“Makes me wonder how Jenna convinced her,” Henry added, nudging me with his elbow.
“Likewise,” giggled an overly-cheerful Ruth. She staggered like she‘d had one too many.
“Wooah, easy there.” Jenna rushed to hold her. “How much did you drink?”
Ruth’s grin broadened.
“Should I call you a cab?” Jenna asked.
“Don’t you dare!” Ruth was going through a breakup, so it was a relief to see her happy, even if alcohol was the culprit; it was a nice change from the inconsolable mess she’d been the past couple weeks.
“Who else is here?” Jenna looked around the sea of dancers as she scanned for familiar faces.
“Don’t worry,” Henry said. “You won’t see anyone else.”
I glanced toward the crowd, too, and my eyes fell on a few guys I recognized from campus. I understood why Henry’d made the comment; though these guys were from our school, they’d never once approached us or tried to make conversation.
Probably think they’re too good for us.
Now, however, they looked like they were seeing us for the first time; they tried to wave us over, but we weren’t about to give them the satisfaction. Jenna tossed her head haughtily, and I snickered as I caught the look of disappointment on their faces.
Serves you right, I thought, feeling smug as I watched surreptitiously.
Despite their desperate need to garner attention, the night didn’t seem to be going well for them. I suddenly realized that they were reaching out for a maturity that eluded them; they were still boys draped in the appeal of men, only lacking the substance.
No matter; tonight, I yearned for someone different. Someone mature, yet fun. Someone clever, who could keep up with me in an intelligent conversation—there’s nothing sexier than a smart man. I didn’t want a showoff, though; that was an instant turn off.
Basically, I longed for a man—not a boy in man’s clothing.
As my eyes drifted over this overly-cheerful crowd, taking in the intoxicating spirit of the nightclub, I was left waiting. I kept searching, looking for someone who would stand out from the sea of blurry faces. Even though I’d told Jenna I just wanted to get laid, my heart hoped for an extraordinary encounter, a meeting that would spark a connection deeper and more significant than the trivial flirtation paraded around in this whirl of excitement.
Tonight wasn’t just about the party, what I was drinking, or how I moved my body. I wanted the night to bring something far more profound. Something I was still in search of, that I couldn’t quite explain, but I was certain I’d know when I found it.
Jenna bounced over, breathing heavily. Her smile faded as she saw the look on my face. “You okay, Maya? Why aren’t you dancing?”
Shrugging, I ran my finger over the rim of my glass. “I’m fine.”
She gulped down the last of her drink, then stared at me. On her features, concern warred with an obvious desire to return to the party.
I forced a smile. “Go on. I told you—I’m fine.”
Her eyes flicked back to the mass of bodies moving to the pumping beat. “Well, if you’re sure…”
Nodding, I gave her a small shove. “Don’t worry about me. Go have fun.”
“Okay.” She lifted her empty glass. “Could you order me another?” At my nod, she grinned and scampered off.
I sighed, leaning my elbow on the table as Jenna hit the dance floor again. I could explore this vibrant crowd and get lost to the beat, but it wouldn’t be enough to satisfy my anxious heart. I was waiting for a flare, like I was a teenager. I needed the jubilant energy of youth back. I needed pieces of myself back.
Maybe I’m the puzzle Jenna was talking about.