Page 47 of Redeem

Even though she was hidden behind the door, I could easily picture her face, see the way she would hold her jaw tight, her shoulders bunched.

Despite myself, I smiled.

Our time together had been so short, but I knew her, knew that she was a part of me.

“Yes, Dana,” I said finally. “Talk.”

“What could there possibly be for us to talk about? You already told me what you did. Who you are,” she said.

“Not all of it.”

“And I’m just supposed to believe that? How do I know you’re not just trying to get me out there so you can kill me?”

Hearing those words hurt, but I pushed the hurt down. She was lashing out, something she was more than entitled to do.

“Dana,” I said with a sigh, “you and I both know this door wouldn’t keep me out if I wanted to be in there. And I’ve had more opportunities to kill you than I can count.”

I decided on a rational approach, because the other option, the one where I told her that for more than a year she had been the only reason I lived, the one where I told her that the thought of harming her was something that I, a man who had harmed so many, couldn’t fathom, was too much to say.

And I feared she wouldn’t believe me.

That fear was what kept my mouth closed.

“Why can’t you just go?” she asked, her voice pleading now.

I hated that sound in her voice, but I wouldn’t give on this point.

“We can talk about what happens after I’m done. But I need to say this to you.”

I chose my words carefully because I didn’t want to lie to her again, and telling her that I would leave would probably be just that. Common sense told me that I should, the fact that she hated me now was just another reason. But I couldn’t. Couldn’t give up the hope that there might still be a chance.

I waited for long moments, staring at the door, part of me thinking that I had missed my chance. But a few minutes later, I heard the water running, and after that she opened the door.

Her eyes were bloodshot, puffy, and I could see the imprint of the door against her face, probably where she had slept against it all night. Her hair was a mess, one side was flat against her head, the other side sticking out and wild on her head.

She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It took an exercise of strength I hadn’t known I was capable of to keep me from going to her, crushing her against me.

I didn’t. Instead I stood where I was, didn’t look away when she stared at me with such hate in her eyes that it made me flinch. But the hate didn’t make me flinch as much as the tendrils of fear I saw.

Maybe she really did think I was going to hurt her. She had every reason to believe that, had no reason at all to believe me. But seeing it almost crushed me.

There had been a time when other people’s fear had been the air I breathed, and then the thing that had kept me alive, but seeing it in Dana was heart-crushing.

She stepped out of the bathroom, the T-shirt that hit her at not quite mid-thigh, reminding me of those precious hours before when she’d felt no need to cover her body in front of me.

Reminded me that I had in almost every way brought this upon myself.

She kept her eyes on mine as she walked, closer and then closer. She stopped less than a foot in front of me, then looked up at me, her eyes blazing.

“There’s something you wanted to say to me,” she said.

I reached for her before I could stop myself, and when I touched her wrist, she scowled, pulled her hand away. Even though I knew it shouldn’t have, her doing so stung.

I had no right to touch her, had never had that right, but knowing that intellectually and seeing it in practice were very different. I’d gotten used to touching someone, to having them welcome that touch. To have that taken away, no matter how justified, hurt more deeply than I could have imagined.

I exhaled, reminded myself that this wasn’t about how I felt. It was about Dana and what I owed her. But I couldn’t make myself speak. I stared at her instead, wishing that she could see to my soul.

“Ciprian, say what you want to say.” There was an edge in her voice, but I barely heard it around the distance that was there now.

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