Page 12 of Myself

I ignore the pain in my chest at the way she said my name. As if she was truly excited to see me. I haven’t spoken to her since I left her in her bathroom crying after I kissed her. “What are you doing?” I ask.

“My new friend and I are leaving,” she says, lifting her hand and pointing at the woman now making out with some guy over by the front door.

I shake my head. “I’m not letting someone I don’t know drive you home.”

She tilts her head to the side. Her brown hair falling and shielding half her face. “Then ... how am I gonna get home?”

“I’ll drive you.”

She steps up to me and wraps her arms around my waist. I suck in a long breath and pat her on the back awkwardly. “Come on, princess.”

We make our way out of the house, and I help her into my BMW. As I slide into the driver’s seat, she turns to face me. “Where are we going?” she asks.

I laugh as I back out, noticing that she already forgot what I had just told her. “I’m taking you home.”

I take a quick glance at her, and she’s frowning. “What’s wrong?” I ask, placing my attention back on the road.

“I thought we could go to your house.”

My head snaps to the right to look at her. “What?” is all I can manage to say.

She undoes her seat belt and scoots closer to me in her seat. I look back at the road for a second and then my eyes are back on hers. “Becca ...” I shift in my seat as she places her hand on my thigh. “What are you doing? Put your seat belt back on.”

She doesn’t answer or do what I tell her as her hand travels up my thigh. Her fingertips graze my hardening cock, and I tighten my hands on the steering wheel. So many times, I have thought of this moment, but it’s not possible. For a hundred different reasons.

I push her hand away and say. “Becca ... we can’t.”

She falls back into her seat and lets out a long sigh. “No one wants me.”

I ignore the pain in my chest. If only I felt that way about her. It would make this so much easier.

She falls silent as I pull onto the highway, heading to her parents’ house. And I think back to when I saw her at a house party Ryder and I threw at his parents’. I had been kissing my girlfriend when I looked up to see Becca run off toward her room. I was afraid something had happened to her, so while Ryder was busy with his girl, I followed her up to her room to make sure she was okay.

“Becca?” I say her name.

She looks over at me, her eyes glazed over. “What?”

“Do you remember that party Ryder and I had back when we were seniors?”

“What about it?” she asks, turning to look out the window.

I swallow. “I followed you up to your room and heard you crying.”

“Why?” She snorts as if she doesn’t believe me. “Not like you cared.”

I sigh. “I did care then. And I care now.”

“Is there a point to this story?” she asks.

“The point is I read your diary.”

“What does my diary have to do with tonight?” she asks carelessly.

I hate that I’m doing this. That I’m getting ready to bring up something from so long ago. “I saw where you said you loved me.”

She throws her head back, laughing, “I was eleven. What could I have known about love?”

“So you’re saying you don’t feel that way now?”

---