Page 11 of Myself

“That was four years ago,” I say softly.

“Doesn’t mean you wouldn’t fuck him now if given a chance.” He goes to walk away, but I turn around and stop him.

“And what chances have you had, Conner?” I demand.

“Don’t make this about me.” He growls. “This is about you and your lies.”

“I’m not lying,” I say, holding my hands out wide. “I may have cheated, but I was honest.”

He laughs darkly. “Yes, because being honest makes it better. Just makes you unable to lie.”

“So you admit to lying to me?” I ask angrily.

“This isn’t about me,” he shouts. “This is about you and you bringing me on this trip only to make me look like a fool.”

“You do that pretty well on your own, Conner.”

He steps up to me. “And you seem to do a pretty good job at being a slut. Guess neither one of us are perfect.” And with that, he walks past me to our room. I take a deep breath and swallow that lump that continues to rise in my throat.

I pull my phone out of my back pocket with shaky hands and pull up Ryder’s number. I go to text him that I’m not gonna be coming up after all, that I need a nap as well, but then I delete it. I want to see my brother. He came all this way to surprise me, and it’s his birthday after all. I refuse to let Conner dictate my life like my mother always did. Not this time.

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JAYCENT

I’m sitting on one of the couches up in our suite when I hear a knock on the door. I don’t look up from the TV that I pretend to watch. I know it’s her.

“Come in,” Ryder says, greeting them. “Where’s Ashlyn?”

“Don’t you mean Sasha?” Conner asks, and I frown. Who the hell is Sasha? But I don’t ask. I continue to watch the TV.

They come in and sit down on the other couch. Ryder speaks to them and gets them drinks. I sit back and listen to her voice as she answers questions here and there, and Conner bitches about the rain that falls outside the windows.

I lift my beer to take a drink and realize that it’s empty. Standing, I avoid looking at her and make my way to the kitchen for another one when I hear Ryder speaking. “Well, I’m glad you like it there, but it’s gonna be awesome to have you back in New York. Especially since you’ll be in the same building as I am.”

The beer slips out of my hand and falls onto the tile floor, shattering in the process. “Dammit.” I look over at everyone in the living room and find all eyes on me. “I’m okay. Just dropped my beer,” I say and grab a towel off the countertop. I drop to my knees and try to push it all to one spot as I hear her talking to him about how excited she is to move to New York.

I can’t believe I didn’t know she was moving there. I don’t remember Ryder ever telling me that. I mean that’s not something I would forget.

“And it’s gonna be even better since it will be the three of us,” she says, and my jaw tightens. I shouldn’t feel this way for her. I should be happy she’s happy, but she’s not. The woman I fell in love with four years ago is slowly dying. Her bright smile and bubbly personality are gone. God, I would give anything to see it again.

“Three of us?” Ryder asks the question that I’m already thinking.

“Ashlyn. She’s coming with me,” she replies, and I let out a long breath.

Picking up all the glass from my shattered beer bottle with the towel, I dump it in the trash. Grabbing another beer from the fridge, I make my way back to the couch. I can’t help but look at her, and her eyes catch mine. She quickly looks down at her bottle of water as she places her hand on Conner’s leg. He brushes it off, and she shifts in her seat as disappointment shows across her face.

I stand for a second, wanting to say something to him. Maybe even punch him. Scream in his face to wake the fuck up. Do you know what you have sitting next to you? Why do you treat her like shit? But I don’t. Instead, I sit down and take a sip of my beer. Looking back at her, I feel a little piece of my heart break for her. I want to be selfish; I want to demand she leave his sorry ass and give me another shot. I want to see that fire in her eyes and not this worn down, submissive woman who seeks the rejection. The woman I fell in love with was on fire. And I miss the way she made me burn.

I walk into the house where the graduation party is being held. It doesn’t take me long to find her standing in the kitchen where the alcohol is. I silently watch her—my best friend’s little sister. Normally, I wouldn’t come to a party like this, but Ryder asked me to come keep an eye on Becca tonight. He has been working in Hawaii and was only able to fly in for her high school graduation and then had to fly back out. When he asked me for the favor, I felt guilty because I was going to do it for myself. I wasn’t going to miss this opportunity to be alone with her. The chance to feel like she belonged to me and only me.

She stands over by the makeshift bar as she sways on her feet. She’s had way too much to drink already. And I’m thankful that I got here just in time. I take a quick look around for Conner but don’t see him anywhere.

I watch the girl standing beside her take her keys out of her purse, and I straighten my back. She leans over and says something to Becca, and she nods her head. Becca’s tossing back what’s left in her Solo cup, and then they’re walking toward the front door.

I walk across the room and move to stand in front of her. “Whoa,” I say, reaching out to stabilize her as she sways on her feet.

“Jayyycennnt.” She slurs my name as she looks up at me. A smile tugging at her pink lips.

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